Being a parent of a sassy, spirited, or strong-willed child is a ton of work!  If only that were our only responsibility.  Unfortunately, we also have the enormous responsibility of running a household as well.  Wouldn't it be such a relief if we could get our kids to help out more around the house so we didn't have to do it alone?  Have you ever wondered how to do that?

In this episode you are going to learn how to share the responsibility of caring for the home with your children.  We have specific tips for those extra stubborn kids who are very reluctant to help.

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Mike Fitch, CMHC

For more ideas on getting your kids to help around the house, click here.

How doing chores helps your kids

Children need to feel like they belong to a group, that they can identify with a family.  This is why kids look to friends and gangs for community. You want your kids to feel like they belong to YOUR family.  One of the best ways to do that is by having them contribute to your family home. Even though your kids may not enjoy doing chores, subconsciously, their contribution helps them feel like a part of your family.

Chores also teach your children that they need to pull their own weight.  How much of their life will be spent working with others? A lot of it. They need to learn to contribute to whatever group they are working with whether that be at home, work, or school.  Doing chores at home helps them learn how to contribute.

Next, being assigned a chore and completing it can help a child’s self-esteem.  It’s good for them to see that they have the capacity to do hard things, to follow through with tasks, to be in charge.

Who knew scrubbing toilets could be so good for our kids?

Here are some tips for getting your strong-willed kids to help around the house.

Tip #1 Understand common chore issues for strong-willed kids

Strong-willed kids seem really focused on fairness.  They want all the chores to be equal for everyone in the home.  They may not understand that a younger child can’t do the same chore as an older child.  You may have to explain things to them a lot.

Strong-willed kids also like to do things on their own time table.  They may not want to do chores when you tell them to. You can give them some choice in what chores they need to complete and what time they need to complete them.

Some strong-willed kids are also considered “Oppositional Defiant” meaning they're going to dig their heels in just because you asked them to do something.  There's no rhyme or reason. It's not interrupting something necessarily just that it's an authority issue.

Tip #2 Be aware of your child’s capabilities

Make sure the chores that you assign your children are age appropriate.  You could accidentally expect too much or too little from your children.

There are a lot of “Chores by age” charts online.  You may want to check some of those out to get an idea of what your child should be doing by what age.

You might be surprised by how much your kids can do with a little bit of coaching and guidance.  Children used to have HUGE responsibilities at a really young age. Try to give your child something that will challenge them a little, but that they can do a good job with.  It’s really all about finding a good balance.

Some of you may wonder how old a child needs to be before you can ask them to help with chores.  I say, start as soon as you can. A toddler can help pick up toys, put placemats away, or put laundry in their drawers.  

Plus, the younger you start, the better.  It’s easier to get a teenager to do chores if they’ve always had to do chores versus trying to get a teenager to do chores that’s never had to do chores.