Chapter 14:

“Honestly the most chaotic part of my day is figuring out a Sonic puzzle... and the nightmares.”

-Ms. Einstein

Thinking. Probably the most difficult thing a human being can get up to. That’s why human beings benefit most from others doing the thinking for them. We have this idea of people as chaotic, free-spirited beings ruled completely by their whims but that isn’t true. I’m banking on it. Video games are my field. See, what’s great about a game is they’re full of two things: choices and rules. People feel free to make their choices, though they are constrained by the rules. So, if you want to make somebody put a ball in a basket, you give them Basketball. If you want them to beat up a fat man in diverse locales, you give them Sonic. If you want them to submit their face and all personal information to a database that can track you by how wide your cheekbones are, you give them Facebook.

Look, I know you know shit like this. You’re a healthy skeptic. You watch Black Mirror. You know that the correct application of technology is ultimately cynical- that’s a word that gets too much flack by the way- cynical. It’s good to be cynical. Wise. Cynical people don’t hope or despair. They laugh and let the gamers do their work for them.

So you had this Rocket Rabbit thing that bottomed up. That sucks, truly. I know what it’s like to invest without return. So, you lost some money. You know what you gained? Lists. Data. In the game of “give this fat fuck money to make his dreams come true” a lot of folks played, and lost. That sucks for them- and they mostly got their money back so no harm no foul. But in the game of “get the names, rough locations and investment value of the audience that can be digested and learned from,” you definitely won.

Now, I can probably guess that you think something like that is unethical, even though all these funders clicked the rules-and-conditions-box. But that’s why you won’t be expected to do it yourself- it’s a lot of work anyhow- we have people for that! Sort your data, find the patterns. Hell, that’s why we were interested in developers who worked a lot with medical diagnostics. We want that data. As far as I’m concerned, the games and products you’re developing are the cherry on top of a big info Sunday. What better way to learn to market to people than hire a company that knows how brains work.

So keep making those games you guys make. But bring me that sweet data when you do. Was this long-winded? Oh my god, I just read this back and I come off as a very on-the-nose villain. You know what that’s fine. I won’t change a word. Team check-in tomorrow, so I’ll expect you to Skype me bright and early!

Oh. Take the company name off your dumb podcast. I don’t want my brand associated with pervy furry stuff.