Could my child have anxiety?  This is a question many parents of sassy, spirited, and strong-willed children may have.

In today's episode we learn what anxiety is, how it effects your child's behavior, and some exercises for calming the anxious child (or anxious adult).

I was surprised to learn that much of my child's behavior stems from his anxieties and I am excited to start using the new tools Mike Fitch, CMHC teaches.

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Mike Fitch, CMHC

Is it common for a strong-willed child to have anxiety?

Yes! It is not uncommon for a strong-willed child to have anxiety.  In fact, for some strong-willed children anxiety is the ROOT of their behavior.  This is not the case for all kids. But many parents don’t know that anxiety (and depression) can manifest in a child as anger or defiance.

What is anxiety?

True anxiety is when a person’s brain “misfires”.  You have different portions of your brain. You are have one portion of your brain that is responsible for thinking and being rational.  You have another part of your brain that is responsible for keeping you alive. That part of that brain triggers the “fight or flight” response that people hear about so often.

In a person with anxiety, the “fight or flight” part of the brain is overactive and when a stimulus enters the brain it travels to the fight or flight part of the brain rather than the rational part of the brain.  Hence, the “misfire”.

Here’s an example of what this looks like in an everyday scenario:

A “typical” child, one with normal brain functioning may be scared to go to a new school, but can rationally think about the positive things that could happen.  They can talk themselves into going.

The child with anxiety cannot rationally talk themselves into going.  Rather, the brain will trigger their “fight or flight” response. That child will either shut down and cry OR will be defiant and fight you.  It’s important to understand that the child isn’t doing this to be mean, in their mind they’re doing it to survive!

What are some signs that my child has anxiety?

Is there something that is consistently an issue for them?

i.e. Are they scared to go anywhere with a dog?

excessive worry most days of the week, for weeks on end

trouble sleeping at night or sleepiness during the day

restlessness or fatigue during waking hours

trouble concentrating

irritability

Defiance

Excessive crying about particular worries for weeks on end

How do I know if I just have a strong-willed child or if I have a child with anxiety?

You're going to have to start tracking behavior.  Team up with another adult that is around your child a lot and start looking for patterns in their behavior.  Is there something that consistently triggers misbehavior, tantrums, crying or worry? Is it consistent in multiple environments?  Is it consistently affecting my child’s quality of life?

If you don’t find a pattern or if the behavior is different in different environments, chances are you have a strong-willed child, not a child with anxiety.  If there are a lot of consistencies, you can pinpoint triggers, and the triggers are affecting your child’s ability to function on a daily basis...please consider a consultation with a mental health professional.  They will be able to do further assessment to help diagnose your child. All of your hard work tracking information will be very helpful to whome...