The big part of being successful in changing behavior is finding out what consequences work with each of our kids and using consequences effectively. Time out often works when other things don't. I often hear parents say, “It doesn't matter if we take screens away. It doesn't matter if they don't have friend time.” Those kinds of consequences for some kids don't matter, yet time outs generally do.

Learn how to use time out effectively from therapists and dad of six, Jeff Tesch, LMFT

LISTEN ABOVE OR READ THE SUMMARY BELOW

There seems to be a lot of debate about Time-out vs. Time-in.  If you would like to read more about that, here is a GREAT article!

Here at Parent with a Pro, we are supporters of time-out when done appropriately.  We also use time-ins for certain situations.  We love having both tools at our disposal.

Personally, using appropriate time outs has drastically changed our strong-willed child’s behavior.  We watched carefully to see if time-outs would have any negative affects on her self-esteem or on our relationship.  We saw the opposite!  A brief time out is our go to consequence and it has been so effective that we RARELY see misbehavior any more.  Our daughter is so much happier and our home is much more peaceful!  She frequently expresses her love for us and even tells us that we're awesome!  I think it's because we've followed the principles taught by marriage and family therapist, Jeff Tesch.

Read on to learn what we've learned.

Jeff Tesch, LMFT

Does Time Out Damage?  

There’s some misinformation out there that time out is damaging.  However, there’s no real science that supports that. Once again, to learn more about the research, click here. In my experience, you don't need to worry that a child having a break from their activity, from interaction, even interaction with you is going to be damaging. We could get into some extremes with time out. We'll make sure to clarify what's appropriate in this post. But when you're using it appropriately, you don't need to worry that it's harmful.

Why Time Out Is My Most Recommended Consequence

The big part of being successful in changing behavior is finding out what consequences work with each of our kids and using consequences effectively. Time out often works when other things don't. I often hear parents say, “It doesn't matter if we take screens away. It doesn't matter if they don't have friend time.” Those kinds of consequences for some kids don't matter, yet time outs generally do. They are more often likely to work even for a child that doesn't seem to care about other things being taken away.

It is convenient

You can use it multiple times during the day

You can use it when you are on the go

It motivates most kids to control their behavior because kids want to avoid having to take a break from what they’re doing to sit on a chair.

You can use a time out with kids of ALL ages

We can start using time out as soon as our kids are toddlers. That allows parents to nip bad behavior in the bud

Will Time Out Work For All Kids?

Time out is not for infants.  Also, there will be some kids who will not be motivated by time outs.  Before you decide that time out doesn’t work, be sure to try it CONSISTENTLY for a period of time.  Also, sometimes I tell parents to increase the time out time before they give up on it.  A nine year old can have a twenty minute time out.  You don’t have to do the “one minute per year of life” rule.  Just do what works.

What does an correctly done time out look like, sound like, feel like?

When a child misbehaves, if you’re using time out for that behavior you would be very brief stating what mistake was made. Example: “You hit your brother time for a time out”.