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There are a lot of different parenting beliefs out there.  Some that help us and some that don't.  Today we're going to learn about 3 parenting myths therapists wish we didn't buy into.

Janet Cazier, LCSW

Myth #1 Parents are 100% Responsible for Their Children

One myth I see parents getting sucked into is that they are 100% responsible for their kids success in ALL of the following areas:Y

Mental health

Physical health

Emotional health

Scholastic success

Social success

Choices

Etc.

This is so easy to do, because when a child is born, you are responsible for SO MUCH in their life.  It’s your job to try to meet their needs.   However, unless you’ve been taught differently, it’s very easy to continue to feel like your role is to keep meeting all of child's needs.

Here’s why this is a problem:

Parents that feel responsible for everything in their child’s life, unintentionally become controlling. Often, kids that feel controlled will rebel.

If you are trying to be 100% responsible for your child’s life, they will never learn how to be responsible for themselves. Rather, they learn to sit back and let you do all their work, make all their tough decisions, and fix all their problems.

Taking full responsibility for everything in your child’s life will wear you out! It takes a lot of effort just to deal with the challenges of your own personal life.  Now imagine being fully responsible for ALL the people in your home!  It’s no wonder some parents are EXHAUSTED.

If your child struggles, you may feel like a failure because you feel like you were responsible for their success.

What are you responsible for?

We don’t want you to read this and think “The therapist told me I am not responsible for my kids, so I’m going to sit back and take a break.”  That is not what we’re saying.

Parents have many responsibilities and parenting is one of the most important jobs you'll ever have.

Parents are responsible for:

Their own personal health and happiness

Providing a loving home

Providing structure, rules, and boundaries

Meeting the basic needs of their children: food, shelter, safety

Teaching their children skills that they need to be successful in life

Being aware of issues and trying to provide help where needed

Teaching their children how to become happy, healthy adults

Parents are not responsible for:

Their children’s choices

Their children’s success

Their children’s happiness

We want you to avoid the trap of feeling like you are responsible for everything in your child’s life.  We don’t want that for you or for your child.

Here’s an example of a parent who is taking too much responsibility.

Parent #1 Taking an Unhealthy Amount of Responsibility

“Susan” wanted her son to get good grades.  He hadn’t cared about his grades for a long time though.  He would put off doing his homework until last minute or not bother to do it at all.  Susan couldn’t stand the idea of her son getting a bad grade or not graduating from high school, so she’ll did her son’s homework for him.

She did this all through high school.  Finally, during her son’s senior year of high school, his teacher’s told him he would not graduate from high school unless he turned in an overdue paper.  The son didn’t care and refused to do it.  Susan wrote the paper so her son could graduate.

It is good that Susan wanted her son to do well in school.  But in the end, did Susan’s son get good grades or did just Susan get a good grade.