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One of the biggest roles that we have as a parent is being aware of our child's strengths and their weaknesses, then trying minimize the negative effects of the weaknesses and bringing out and channel their strengths.

One of the weaknesses that our strong-willed kids has is being IMPULSIVE.  Strong-willed kids want what they want, right when they want it.

Today we get to talk to Clinical Mental Health Counselor, Mike Fitch to learn how to help our kids THINK before they ACT.

Mike Fitch, CMHC

I deal with impulsive kids both in my clinical work and at home. It's good to have the personal experience so I can empathize with a lot of the parents that I work with. Just like all of you and the parents I work with, there are times I really want to pull my own hair out and times where I question my own parenting.

If I haven't screwed my kids up so far, there's a good chance you won't either.

Expect the process to take time

Each of us have characteristics or features that we were born with that are still a challenge for us in adulthood. So is it appropriate to expect our child to all of a sudden be perfect or is it appropriate to expect that this could take a lifetime for them to get weaknesses, to become strengths?

Changing your nature can take a lifetime. Some kids will catch onto things quicker than others.

There are two categories of kids that are impulsive

Category #1 The “Impulsive Brain”

There are kids with attention deficit disorder that are naturally impulsive. These are the kids that have lower dopamine levels and so the brain's always seeking for stimulus to raise their dopamine. Their brains are literally going so fast that it’s really challenging for them to THINK before they ACT.

From my experience, and I know this is going to be a stereotype, these are fairly kindhearted kids. They're not doing the thing stop, think, act. They just acting on, “Hey, that looks neat. I think that would raise my dopamine levels.”

If you feel like you have a child that fits into this category, I would recommend checking out the book The Gift of ADHD.

Category #2 The “Entitled and Willful Child”

These kids tend to be impulsive because they feel entitled to have whatever they want or they are just so willful about what they want.  They also struggle to connect the dots between their actions and consequences. The have a hard time comprehending consequential thinking.

These kids also want to do things their way, to feel in control of their lives.  EVERY child goes through a stage of development where they are very egocentric.  Meaning, that they think about themselves and want things to revolve around them.  Strong-willed kids experience this phase with more intensity than other kids and will take more time to see outside of themselves.

Kids that fall into Category One would see a cookie and grab it before thinking about anything.  Whereas, a child from Category Two would see a cookie and think “I want that cookie. I deserve to have the cookie more than anybody else and therefore that cookie as mine.”

Neither of these categories of kids are bad

I think these each of these children that are born this way.  They’re not trying to be bad. They just have a different type of brain.  It’s also important to remember that throughout the history of evolution, all these types of brains serve a purpose. The kids that are more willful, are often the ones who become the leaders and the trendsetters. So there's a purpose to your child’s personality.  It doesn’t make parenting them easy, but can help us stay positive when things are tough.

How to help kids think BEFORE they act

It’s important to break this down by category because kids in Category One nee...