“Your grandmother’s lice got going real good, so I took her down to the river when it got to be 30 below, chopped a hole in the ice and put her in.” There’s more where that came from in Lacy Robert’s story, “How the West Was Won,” including some killer yodeling.

Also: Where’s the weirdest place you’ve put your hand? Think about it. Then listen to some doozies in our second feature.