The Easternmost North

Episode 1: How Does It Feel Being A “Strange Mashup” Of East Asian Canadian When You Date?

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Transcript

Beginning:

Hi there. This is The Easternmost North, where truths come forth. I’m your host, Will. Today, in the episode 1, I’m going to give you an overview about East Asian Canadian in the field of dating, relationship and sex, with some interesting researches, stories, opinions.

First of all, I want to bring up an inevitable question: Have you ever date or be in a relationship or have sex with East Asian Canadian, no matter you are East Asian Canadian or not? How does it feel? Anything happy and sad? Feel free to leave your comments with your unique experience, I will check it out.

I remember that the first time I came up with this puzzle, was from one of my friends, a girl living in Shanghai, China. She comes from a small town, well-educated, extrovert, fluent in English speaking, and has a decent job in Shanghai. One day she came across an ABC, American Born Chinese, in a night club. They soon fell in love but also soon had conflicts in many aspects. Like, who should pay the bill when dine out? Should we save money for the future from now on? Is it a problem when man earn less than woman? Etcetera, etcetera. I can go on and on and on. Back then, it amazed me that two people with same skin color, same racial origin, can still encounter a problem in terms of culture. I cannot help but wonder, why?

It definitely worth to go deeper.

Here are some researches about dating:

  1. A study by Manlin Cai, PhD candidate of UBC, researched in thirty-one Chinese immigrants in Metro Vancouver revealed:

    2.          A strong preference for dating within the same ethnicity, often using apps like Tantan or local equivalents—which nicknamed “digital Chinatowns”.

    1. A 2021 study titled “Growing Up Korean Canadian in the Time of the Korean Wave” found that young Korean Canadians—especially women—always feel themselves “not Canadian enough”, particularly within mainstream dating culture. More than that, many Korean Canadians perceiving “Canadians” to be White – that can influence dating confidence and cultural self-view.
    2. And not alone, A 2003 study found that adolescent Hong Kong immigrants in Canada often experience complex feelings about belonging: they struggle to fit in while maintaining cultural roots.

      3. Furthermore, some finding about relationship also display the struggle of East Asian Canadian:

      1. A study of 60 Chinese-Canadian dating couples found:

        2.          Chinese-Canadian men with stronger Canadian cultural ties report more intimacy, while women with stronger Chinese ties report greater but more traditional commitment.

        1. And, a PhD thesis from the University of Victoria (2013) examined over 200 Taiwanese immigrants in Burnaby, BC. It found a strong tendency towards endogamy, not just from convenience but as pan-ethnic solidarity—a desire to preserve shared cultural ties and community networks.
        2. In the Greater Toronto Area, statistics from 1999 show that significantly around 30% of Canadian-born Japanese Canadians marry within their ethnicity, despite is lower than earlier generations.

          3. Which is not surprise, about sexual attitude:

          1. Canadian research shows East Asian men tend to hold more conservative sexual attitudes and fewer sexual experiences than peers of other ethnicities. That said, there are several equations:

            2.          •        Higher Acculturation = Better Sexual Confidence

            Men with greater identification with Canadian culture typically reported higher sexual desire and satisfaction, alongside lower anxiety during sexual activity.

                     •        Traditional Norms = Tighter Constraints

            Those adhering more strictly to traditional East Asian values were more likely to report performance anxiety and diminished sexual confidence.

                     •        Hybrid Identity = Balanced Outcomes

            Individuals who maintained aspects of their heritage while embracing Canadian values experienced moderate-to-high sexual satisfaction, reflecting the benefits of bicultural identity.

            To sum up, these researches are fragmentary, but still can piece together a rough picture for us: the dating experience of East Aian Canadian is special, and I rather say, problematic. Sometimes, the cultural barrier can be subtle, what taught by parents and practiced in childhood can easily take root in our subconsciousness. If you feel uncomfortable, you need to be the one to break the window for yourself.

            Then I would like to share an interesting story with you.

            Featured on Xtra Magazine, a Vancouver’s LGBTQ2S+ platform, Aaron Chan has shared his story. Aaron is a writer born and raised in Vancouver, BC. As a gay Chinese Canadian man, he felt that a rare combination of identities seems to make him a very special existence. First of all, coming out is like a mission impossible. He stressed that, “Despite having raised their children in Canada, my parents are traditional Chinese people…The whole subject of being gay is a taboo in Chinese culture.” But Aaron finally made it, he has totally come out, like he said, “I think some people look at me and dismiss me as a typical gay Asian man but for one, I’m completely out, which a lot of Asian men are not.” However, being queer and Chinese impacted his life and dating in Vancouver, made him feel “strange mashup” and “not typically Canadian” based on appearance alone time to time, even though he has only ever lived in one country his entire life.

            I would say, I can relate to Arron’s feeling from many aspects. Within the article Arron wrote, when he tried to tell his mother about the dates he had, queer events he attended, and relationships he was in. She always replied, “Don’t get into that stuff right now. Just concentrate on school.” This is simply the gut reaction of East Asian parents, and also exactly the typical intergenerational problem among East Asian Family. East Asian lack the education of emotional communication, talking about love and feeling can be seen as fragility. When facing something they don’t agree with or understand within family, they either strongly oppose, or try hard to avoid. They just don’t know how to react, like a button of emotion being shut down. This trait significantly shapes the behavior of many East Asian in dating and relationship.

            OK, I’m going to ask, how does it feel being a “strange mashup” of East Asian Canadian when you date? Can you find some clues from above? Tell me about it!

            See you in the next episode! Bye!

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            The Easternmost NorthBy Will Wen