One of the challenges that we face on almost a daily basis, not just as parents, but in our careers and in our lives. the paradox of compromise. One of my favorite stories about compromise, he’s often told around the holiday season, it’s called the gift of the magi. The husband and wife early on in their marriage decide that they are going to shop for Christmas gifts for each other, but in secret.

Summary and Quotes

[00:00:09] – The paradox of compromise

[00:02:16] – Challenges as a couple raising our kids

[00:04:59] – Dissonance and mental struggles

[00:06:05] – Cultural conditioning vs realization

[00:09:22] – Bringing the best of us to the table

Quotes from the episode:

“When we have compromises that not only do we not recognize that we’re making, but that our partners and our family members don’t recognize that we’re making, it creates a huge challenge.” [00:01:50]

“One of the things that we found is that. We both had some beliefs that were installed in us from a very young age that kind of conflicted with how we wanted to live our life once our children came around.” [00:03:25]

“What we realized is that there is a biological drive that my wife was feeling. To be home with these kids, just as there was a biological drive or a feeling that I had that I wanted to go out and provide, even though I was providing, it wasn’t . It didn’t feel like I was providing. And so what w what we realized was that. We were both giving up the part of us that we were best at and we were trying to be something that we were not.” [00:08:30]

 

Transcript continues below

The wife knows that her husband really admires his beautiful pocket watch, so she decides that she wants to buy a chain for that pocket watch because he’s, Oh, he’s losing it. The problem, of course, is that she doesn’t have the money. So what does she do? She goes to her hairdresser who always admires her.

Beautiful. Long and luxurious hair. And the hairdresser says, well, you could sell your hair and I’ll, that will give you the money that you can go buy that chain for the pocket watch. And then of course the husband goes, and he is also searching for a gift for his wife. He admires her hair, and so he decides he wants to buy her a beautiful.

Jeweled hair clip for that hair. The only problem of course, is that he doesn’t have the money. So what does he do? He goes, and he sells his pocket watch to get the money to buy that hair clip. Now in the story, the couple exchange gifts on Christmas Eve, and they realize that even though they’re not able to use those gifts, that their love for each other, When’s the day? And that’s the sort of feel good thing about the story. The challenge, of course, that we face is oftentimes the compromises that we make aren’t even visible to us. When we have compromises that not only do we not recognize that we’re making, but that our partners and our family members don’t recognize that we’re making, it creates a huge challenge.

It can create resentment. It can create frustration. And ultimately it ends up, as opposed to both people winning. It ends up as a loss for everyone. Today, I want to talk about some of the challenges that we’ve faced as a couple in raising our kids, and these are challenges from the perspective of the various careers that we so.

Neither of us, neither my wife nor I, when we were younger in K through 12 really gave any thought to the function of getting an education. We were really focused on getting good grades for the purpose of getting good grades and being good at school. The reward for being good at school, graduating from the 12th grade is that you get to go on to grade 13 and basically repeat the whole thing over again.

The challenge of course,