On this episode of the parenting manual we discuss reciprocity and generosity as they relate to the virtue of sharing. So I’m going to take you for a ride with me today and I want to discuss some very interesting and important topics. These are the topics of reciprocity and generosity. And the reason that these are so important is because what I have come to find in my own life is that how these behaviors manifest in small children.

It can result in some unwanted side effects later on in life as an adult. What do I mean by this? Well, a perfect example. When my six-year-old boy goes and plays with his friends, either at the playground or at school, oftentimes he will want to share. He will. Offered to share his food of his own accord or his toys of his own accord.

Summary any Quotes

[00:00:10] – The importance of reciprocity and generosity

[00:06:03] – Understanding why we do certain things

[00:10:09] – Being enough

[00:13:32] – Understanding people’s motivations

Quotes from the Episode:

“it’s not sharing. If he doesn’t have a choice in the matter.” [00:01:07]

“The rule that we have or the guideline that we have is that. When our children are young, that all of the food belongs to us as the parents. We are giving them that food and we’re providing them with that food, and so if we say that they have to give that to their sister, that that piece of food to their sister, then that’s just something that we have as an expectation.” [00:07:08]

“Anytime that there is growth…There’s going to have to be compromise because you can’t grow generally speaking in all areas at the same time.” [00:10:38]

Transcript continues below

Sometimes, and sometimes he won’t. But the thing is, is that he gets to make that decision because it’s not sharing. If he doesn’t have a choice in the matter. Now, I will talk about how we suggest that he shares at some point in time, because especially with his, With his sister or in certain instances, we just need for them to share simply because if it’s a food item that we didn’t buy to of, we bought it with the intention to share one child has at first, I’m going to tell you how I handle that at, at the end of this right here because it’s something that I think is going to be really useful for my kids as they grow older and, and have their own children.

It’s really useful. The technique that we have found works really well. But the real thing is not the behavior in the moment, but the behavior that it can breed 10 2030 years down the line. So we instill in our young kids that sharing is a virtue, that giving is a virtue. But. We leave out the other half of the equation.

Why the other half of why we might want to do that at some times? And we also forget to say why we might not want to do that at other times when we have little kids, sometimes it’s just more convenient for us as adults and parents if they share. And so. We don’t make that distinction. So how does this show up later on in life?

Well, I’ll give you a perfect example. With my son, for instance, he realizes that if he shares his candy, more kids come around to him and they want to play with him more. He had a baseball hat that was. Very interesting to a number of kids. He told me that he wanted to give it away to this one kid and we had a little pause at that time.

We had a little time out because I wanted to understand what his motivation was for doing that. Was it because it was sunny out and this other little boy didn’t have a hat? What turns out that my son came to realize very quickly that he could Curry favor with. Other kids by giving them candy or bye bye.

I’m giving this hat in this instance. So we discussed that what was important. It’s okay to share and it’s okay beca...