Getting to know your FEELINGS Better 

 

I feel. How many times have you heard yourself say this? Everybody feels. I feel. You feel. We feel. He feels. She feels. They feel. But what are feelings? How do we express them and how do we measure them?

 

Tears prickle down our cheek after watching a dog die in a film – we're feeling sad. We smile wide after our beau tells us they love us – we're feeling happy. We walk along with our head held high, like we're walking on air – we're feeling good. Feelings dominate and dictate to us how we live, how we act and behave. Without feelings how would we ever know anything? How would we know how to react to something? We're around someone we like and are attracted to them and we catch feelings. Are feelings contagious? Where do they come from? How do feelings differ from emotions? I reckon that to understand more we need to understand what emotions are first and foremost.

 

Well, emotions obviously originate in our brains and they're caused by lower-level responses made in the parts of our grey matter that're associated with our conscious thoughts, reasoning and decision-making. It's these little responses that are firing off all the time that create biochemical and electrical reactions in our bodies which then in turn alter its physical state. There you go. That's how we experience emotions – they're essentially bodily reactions activated through neurotransmitters and hormones. Emotions shape us, who we are and how we deal with stuff and navigate through life. We can be heavily swayed by our emotions and they can mould how we see things and how we therefore react.

 

So, feelings are a conscious experience of our emotional reactions. I guess it's a bit like your brain trying to compute and analyse the emotion and then assigning a meaning to it.

 

How can we measure feelings? They're very much qualitative as opposed to quantitative. You can ask someone outright how they're feeling. You can ask them to draw on a sliding scale of how they are feeling that particular day or about a particular topic or theme. You've no doubt seen those scales – a sad face at one end and a smiley one at the opposite end. In retrospect you can ask how something made someone feel.

 

We all have them, whether we want them or not. They're there and they often tug away at us to let us know that they're there and they take no prisoners. Can you recall times when you've tried like hell to block them out or completely unacknowledged altogether? They aren't in the habit of letting you off the hook so easily.

 

There's such a huge volume of them and they can all attack at once at times, especially if you have suffered with mental health conditions, leaving you confused and simply exhausted. And then people expect you to talk about them. How can you talk about something you don't understand yourself. Feelings don't discriminate – they're just there existing and doing their job, shouting and screaming the loudest, attempting to hold your attention.

 

So, how do we often go about expressing ourselves? Thanks to social media we can be lazy so-and-sos about it, simply expressing our thoughts and feelings using a string of emojis. No need to actually write a response to a message, we can just tap on one of our faithful friends – the emoji. Job done and all is clear to the recipient. People may choose to express themselves through the medium of the written word and scribbling or typing away can be very therapeutic. Diaries and journals can be a fantastic release, as can blogs. People may prefer to speak and there's multiple platforms for this, including vlogs or live stream videos.

 

If you're not used to sharing sensitive stuff about yourself, bad feelings can have a nasty habit of becoming buried and hidden, you may find you're topping up with negativity. Oftentimes it won't go away no matter how hard you're willing it to. It's made of robust material and will keep elbowing its way back into your stream of consciousness. It's at this point that you'll have to find a healthy way to cope, or you'll plunge head-first down a deeply darkened path. There are loads of reasons why we don't share; fear of judgement or ridicule, hopelessness, low self-esteem, afraid to admit negative feelings… all incredibly valid. Here are some ways in which you can try to combat the crap in your head and save it from engulfing and suffocating you:

 

• Tough one this, but try NOT to obsess TOO much. You know the drill, you're harbouring bad feelings about something and your mind is itching to keep it hostage. You're replaying it over and over and over again. It's worse than a scratched record and goes on for longer than those 80s pop extended 12 inch mixes. These nasty little seeds will grow as they're fed and watered by more feelings and they will bloom like a ten-foot, terrifying man-eating plant, so try and dial it down.
• What's brought on these feelings in the first place? Offer yourself a balanced perspective. Weigh up both sides. Is there a worse case scenario? Yes absolutely acknowledge it but also acknowledge other probabilities and the more likely outcome. Feelings build up and can harm, hinder and cloud your judgement so thinking rationally and lucidly should offer you a way to fight through the fog.
• As Frankie said, "Relax." Try and park the feelings and concentrate on doing something you enjoy and will bring you much-needed respite from your feelings. Even if you can forget for 5 or 10 minutes, maybe condition yourself to push those feelings aside for longer, gradually. Read a book or magazine, take a bath or a walk, or go and get your nails done.
• Learn to be mindful when you are hit with these feelings and as you learn more about how you handle them, you should get better at doing so, and recognising dangers earlier.
• Try and loosen the anchor the feelings have over you so they're not so wedged in. If you're constantly revisiting these feelings, you're robbing yourself of valuable time living your life.

 

 

 

Treatments such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy are aimed at presenting you with coping mechanisms for negative feelings and emotions and allow you to pinpoint them, the reasons why they've got such a firm grip on you, and assist you to change the way you behave, act, and think in response to those bad feelings. There's absolutely no shame in visiting a medical professional if it's all getting on top of you. Again, if you struggle to get the words out, write it down and simply hand it to them.

 

Feelings make us human and they make us unique. So, embrace the good feelings, the ones which help us feel alive. The ones which make us giggle and laugh out loud, the ones which make us beam with pride, the ones which make us feel alive and that our existence is fabulous. Celebrate and acknowledge them – the good, the bad and the ugly – they're part of us and life would certainly be boring without them. To feel is to truly feel alive.

 

Is there any topic you would like me to cover? I'm here to try and educate, inform, reassure and spread a bit of light and love in a world that at times can feel dark and despairing. We all need the positivity and to raise our vibration. There are different ways that you can reach out to me. Follow my page on Facebook, One Life, One Skin. I also have a One, Life, One Skin group you can request to join. I keep my R U OK podcast up-to-date and add regular topics and themes. You can check out my website www.ashleycahill.co.uk which list my treatments and products. Do get in touch. I'm open to hearing your opinions and answering your questions. I love helping people be the person they were born to be.

 

You may be interested that I will be running an online course in health, wellbeing and lifestyle later this year. Do let me know if you're wanting to know more and I can get you signed up to my mailing list.