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Episode 13: The Great Persian Replacement Theory
The worst day of the Persian year is the Wednesday before New Year’s Day. Nothing good ever happens on that day, so no one does business, no one signs contracts, no one holds a party, and – perhaps most important of all – no one pays anyone any money. Some people spend the entire day counting whatever money they have, while others go without speaking. Many people sprinkle their homes and possessions with river water, hoping to fend off any misfortune. If they meet anyone they know on the way home from the river, they throw water into his face. If they meet a best friend, they may pour a whole jug of water on him, the theory being that anyone so doused with water cannot fail to be happy for the rest of the year.
Islam has a fierce reputation for opposing alcohol, but – as we have seen since our ambassadors arrived in Persia – that reputation was hardly warranted in the 1600s. Historically, some shahs, caliphs, and sultans took it more seriously than others, and historians also note that Muhammad had a progressively negative take on drinking: from calling wine good nourishment, to a warning against abusing it, to insisting that wine leads to sin, to a prohibition on attending prayer while drunk, and only then banning alcohol altogether.
Farrukhi Sistani, one of the most prominent court poets in the history of Persian literature, wrote in the 11th century that, “Although wine is forbidden, I believe that it becomes licit for lovers when spring arrives. God gives us His blessings as we drink. Come and don’t regret it.”
Safavid Shah Isma’il, who at the age of 15 declared himself the ruler of Persia in 1501, suffered a catastrophic defeat by the Ottomans in 1514 and was never the same man again. Instead of governing, he took to hunting, drinking wine, spending time with young boys, and alternately trying to legitimize Islam and engaging in ritual drinking combined with sex orgies.
His son, Shah Tahmasb, was more devout. Ruling from 1524-1576, he gave up drinking wine and instituted the practice of enslaving Christians from the regions west of the Caspian Sea.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit semipropilgrim.substack.com
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By Steven W. AunanThe worst day of the Persian year is the Wednesday before New Year’s Day. Nothing good ever happens on that day, so no one does business, no one signs contracts, no one holds a party, and – perhaps most important of all – no one pays anyone any money. Some people spend the entire day counting whatever money they have, while others go without speaking. Many people sprinkle their homes and possessions with river water, hoping to fend off any misfortune. If they meet anyone they know on the way home from the river, they throw water into his face. If they meet a best friend, they may pour a whole jug of water on him, the theory being that anyone so doused with water cannot fail to be happy for the rest of the year.
Islam has a fierce reputation for opposing alcohol, but – as we have seen since our ambassadors arrived in Persia – that reputation was hardly warranted in the 1600s. Historically, some shahs, caliphs, and sultans took it more seriously than others, and historians also note that Muhammad had a progressively negative take on drinking: from calling wine good nourishment, to a warning against abusing it, to insisting that wine leads to sin, to a prohibition on attending prayer while drunk, and only then banning alcohol altogether.
Farrukhi Sistani, one of the most prominent court poets in the history of Persian literature, wrote in the 11th century that, “Although wine is forbidden, I believe that it becomes licit for lovers when spring arrives. God gives us His blessings as we drink. Come and don’t regret it.”
Safavid Shah Isma’il, who at the age of 15 declared himself the ruler of Persia in 1501, suffered a catastrophic defeat by the Ottomans in 1514 and was never the same man again. Instead of governing, he took to hunting, drinking wine, spending time with young boys, and alternately trying to legitimize Islam and engaging in ritual drinking combined with sex orgies.
His son, Shah Tahmasb, was more devout. Ruling from 1524-1576, he gave up drinking wine and instituted the practice of enslaving Christians from the regions west of the Caspian Sea.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit semipropilgrim.substack.com