The Huddle Wisdom Podcast with Dr Davin Tan

Episode 139: The Smoke is Not the Fire: Decoding Your Anxious Child's Behavior

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Is your child's misbehaviour leaving you frustrated, confused, or exhausted? You're not alone. In this powerful episode of The Huddle Wisdom Podcast, host Dr Tan unpacks a crucial concept that will transform how you view your child's struggles: challenging behaviour is not the problem, it's the signal.

Learn why parents often fall into the trap of "fixing the smoke" (addressing outward child behaviour like yelling, tantrums, defiance, or meltdowns) instead of uncovering the true "fire" beneath. Often anxiety, overwhelm, perfectionism, or unmet emotional needs.

Learn actionable strategies to:

  • Pause before reacting to your child's difficult moments.
  • Get curious, not furious, about what might be driving their actions.
  • Gently name the underlying emotions or "fire" you observe.
  • Stay present and connect, even when things feel chaotic.

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    To navigate your anxious child's behavior with confidence and calm, explore Dr Davin Tan's signature online course: "Making Sense of Anxious Children." Learn how to identify those hidden fires, build essential communication skills, and foster a more peaceful home environment.

    Find out more and enroll today at: www.huddlewisdom.com

    In this episode, you will learn:

    • Why misbehaviour is a signal, not the core problem.
    • The dangers of "smoke-fixing" in child behavior.
    • How to identify the "fire" (underlying anxiety or needs) beneath challenging behaviors.
    • Practical steps to respond with curiosity and connection instead of frustration.
    • A real-life example of transforming homework meltdowns by addressing underlying perfectionism.
      • ...more
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      The Huddle Wisdom Podcast with Dr Davin TanBy Dr Davin Tan is a child and adolescent psychiatrist and parent.