It is becoming more common to hear women talk about their (in)fertility journeys. What’s less common is to hear about the partner’s perspective. On this episode of the podcast, I talk to Martin Stoker about his experience losing three unborn children and giving up on his dream of becoming a father. Although Martin himself would be the first to say that he still is a father - even though his children are no longer here.

We discuss what it’s like for a man or partner to go through the process of pregnancy loss. We also talk about how to create emotional space for yourself, even though you feel you need to be strong for your partner. Lastly, Martin shares his advice on how to find joy in life when you’re facing unwanted childlessness and we discuss how to embrace your emotions and commemorate your loss.

Top quotes:

“What was really difficult for me was that in the hospital the specialists would only talk to my wife, would only make eye contact with my wife and I remember asking myself ‘why am I here? I’m not only the person who drives the car to this appointment.’” - Martin Stoker

“That moment that we let go of everything that you need to do to get pregnant, we really closed that book and we embraced everything else that we have in life.” - Martin Stoker

“Don’t wait and keep adding things to your bucket list. Do things now.” - Martin Stoker

About Martin Stoker

Martin Stoker is a coach for men who are facing unwanted childlessness. You can find out more about his work (in Dutch) at: www.bmsh.nl. You can also follow him on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bmsh_martinstoker/