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Episode 145: 10 Simple & Effective Partnering with Parent Tips that REALLY work!
In this conversation, Nick Clason (Hybrid Ministry) and Josh Boldman (Download Youth Ministry) discuss the importance of partnering with parents in youth ministry. Josh gives 10 tips from the perspective of a parent NOT working at a church. Several tips are incredibly Hybrid, and best of all, it's not going to add anymore work to your plate!
📊 [FREE] HYBRID STRATEGY GUIDE
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✅ CHURCH COMMUNICATIONS DONE FOR YOU
https://www.hybridministry.xyz/articles/comms
SHOW NOTES
Shownotes & Transcripts
https://www.hybridministry.xyz/145
//CONNECT WITH JOSH ON SOCIAL
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🎉 FREE STUFF 🎉
We have all kinds of FREE Things that you can use in your context!
The best way to pay us back is a review or a YouTube Subscribe!
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🛠️TOOLS I USE THAT CAN HELP YOU!
Some of the below links are affilate links in which we do recieve a small commission based on your purchase or use of products
VIDIQ
https://vidiq.com/hybrid
BEST DYM RESOURCES
https://www.hybridministry.xyz/articles/dym
OPUS.PRO FOR AI SHORTS & REELS
https://www.opus.pro/?via=a5d361
//YOUTUBE STARTER KIT FOR UNDER $100
https://www.hybridministry.xyz/articles/youtubestarterkit
--------------
🕰️TIMECODES
00:00 Why Partnering with Parents?
02:52 Tip #1
4:34 Tip #2
05:22 Tip #3
06:04 Tip #4
08:55 Tip #5
10:18 Tip #6
13:02 Why does starting on time honor parents?
14:26 Tip #7
15:03 Tip #8
15:47 Tip #9
17:33 Tip #10
--------------
TRANSCRIPT
Nick Clason (00:00.93)
Well, so here we are. And Josh, you might be the most frequented guest now on the Hybrid Ministry podcast, which with all I would, I think I sent you one actually. So, so yeah. But today I've been asking people like, what do you feel like you're kind of like an expert on? So we're in this kind of mini series called How I, and so you said, let's talk about partnering with parents. And so.
Josh Boldman (00:06.494)
Yes Do I get a jacket like do I get a like there's like a that's true actually, you know, that's fair
Josh Boldman (00:29.991)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (00:31.124)
over all your different years of experience, what do you feel like uniquely positions you from a mindset or experience-wise or whatever about this idea of partnering with parents?
Josh Boldman (00:38.9)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah. Yeah, so I mean, over the course of 20 years in youth ministry, I did the traditional route of before I had a kid, feeling like I knew everything more than any of the parents. Like I was way smarter than them. And then I had my own kid, and then I was able to actually have the blessing of having my own kid in my own ministry. And then recently have now,
Nick Clason (00:55.712)
yeah.
Nick Clason (01:03.937)
Mmm.
Josh Boldman (01:08.465)
like a life stage where my kid is a part of a ministry that I do not lead. And so it's like, there, that's what I should have. Okay, those are the questions that I now have that I should have been answering.
Nick Clason (01:13.358)
Hmm.
Nick Clason (01:19.904)
I do actually think that's a really, really fascinating perspective and one worth exploring. So what are a couple of principles or takeaways, especially in the lane of I'm a youth pastor veteran, I work for a youth ministry company, but as a parent, as a customer, so to speak, of this youth group, like what do you wish you were getting back from the youth ministry?
Josh Boldman (01:23.826)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (01:35.303)
Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (01:42.291)
Yeah. Yeah. I think that's something that every youth minister needs to remember is that you are ministering to a family and not just to a student. Hands down, because like a student is a product, I mean, not entirely, but like they're a product of their family, right? Their parents. when you talk, you talk to a kid, half the things they say are things that they have either heard their parents say or they've
Nick Clason (01:53.965)
Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (02:02.028)
Yeah.
Josh Boldman (02:11.835)
or are in like rebellion against something that their parents have said, right? So like, so like the better that you know the parents, the better you are going to know the student. And whether that that kid has a awesome relationship with their parents or a terrible relationship with their parents or no relationship with their parents, whoever it is at home that takes care of them, that makes them feel safe. You are on the same team with that person, whether you know them or not.
Nick Clason (02:15.598)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Nick Clason (02:22.446)
Hmm.
Nick Clason (02:30.702)
Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (02:41.583)
And it, it, it, I will be as blunt as I can be in saying if, you're on the same team as that, of those people and you don't know them, that is dumb. Like it just don't, don't put yourself in a position of being on a team with someone you don't even know.
Nick Clason (02:50.563)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (02:56.28)
So you've worked in some larger contexts, let's say. How would you recommend someone who has a youth group of 50 students with, let's say, 50 unique family units? so probably more than 50 because siblings, whatever. How do they get to know parents? Because I would imagine the pushback from a youth pastor is like, well, I try. have a well, and we have meetings and they never come to the meetings and all this stuff like what. So.
Josh Boldman (03:00.646)
Yep.
Josh Boldman (03:08.23)
Yeah, yeah, Uh-huh.
Josh Boldman (03:17.757)
Yep, I can't know them all yet.
Josh Boldman (03:24.465)
Yeah. Yeah.
Nick Clason (03:24.812)
We've all been there, we've all experienced it. what, as a parent now on the other side, give us some tips.
Josh Boldman (03:30.418)
Yeah, yeah, I would say one, especially if you're talking about a middle school ministry, do check in at the beginning of the night and be at the check-in station. And I know that seems so like antithetical to like, I should be hanging out with the kids. you know, yes, that's great. Go play nine square, go play gaga ball, whatever, but spend some time at check-in because especially if they're in sixth, seventh, eighth grade, their parents are going to probably walk in with them.
Nick Clason (03:42.775)
Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (03:51.938)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (03:56.471)
Right.
Josh Boldman (04:00.274)
Like, so that's a great opportunity. but even if it's not then like clock the times that, know, like, Hey, when are my best opportunities to meet this parent? And it's, it's almost always going to be a drop-off pickup. Um, we, know, sometimes we'll do like, uh, you know, depending on like the layout of your building and how close the room is to the actual parking lot. Like, um, we used to do a thing where we'd have somebody inside with a walkie talkie and somebody outside with a walkie talkie. So what a parent would pull up.
they would say, hey, I'm here to pick up Johnny. And so the person on the radio would be like, Johnny. And so then we'd call Johnny's name inside. I was like, why am I not the person outside with the walkie talkie? Like go be that person talking to the parent. you know, that, you know, and, plus one of the best things you can do in that situation is they're like, Hey, I'm here to pick up Johnny. You can be like, dude, Johnny's awesome. Like, let me tell you about Johnny. Johnny is so stinking cool. Yup. Yeah.
Nick Clason (04:30.774)
Hmm.
Nick Clason (04:40.906)
Yeah, that's so smart.
Nick Clason (04:50.902)
Yeah, and what parent doesn't want to hear that about their kid?
Josh Boldman (04:56.562)
Oh yeah, cause think of every time a parent gets called by a teacher, it's to tell them that their kid's not doing great. know, so like if you can be like the one time that you like, or I mean, if you're open enough to literally calling parents, like go call a parent and be like, Hey, I need to tell you something about Johnny. And they're like, what do you do now? They're like, he was amazing. Like, you know, and I mean, don't lie about Johnny. Like if Johnny's a little turd, like, know, you can be honest about it, but like, don't, but don't drag Johnny through.
Nick Clason (05:02.294)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (05:14.924)
Yeah, yeah. That's cool, yeah.
Yeah.
Josh Boldman (05:26.62)
You know, go out of your way to tell them how awesome it is.
Nick Clason (05:26.872)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (05:30.284)
Yeah, that's so good. It's like the whole idea of positive reinforcement versus negative, so much more powerful. And we can just be strategic and intentional to position ourselves to do that. Even if you're like, I'll give myself 20 minutes on the calendar a week and I'll try to call as many parents and just say something nice about their kids. And if they're quick conversations or even, bro, leave a voicemail. Maybe they don't answer, whatever. It'll still be awesome. can be like, okay, no need to
Josh Boldman (05:33.859)
Mm-hmm. Totally, totally.
Josh Boldman (05:46.779)
Yeah. yeah.
Josh Boldman (05:56.422)
Yeah!
Nick Clason (05:59.67)
No need to call back, just wanted to let you know whatever, that'd be really good.
Josh Boldman (06:01.999)
Yeah. Yeah. And especially if you know, you have a kid who is, you know, mean, gosh, I don't know what it has been about the, you know, the 20 years I spent in ministry, but it was like, it was just like every kid with an attention deficit of something, something, something like they all just showed up at our ministry. Right. It was grabbing it, which is a lot of fun. I'm just like, I'll be the first to say like, it is a party, but yes. man. Until the broken arms, but
Nick Clason (06:16.854)
Mm-hmm
Nick Clason (06:26.348)
You had fun during the games.
haha
Josh Boldman (06:30.781)
you would, but the thing was, is you would see parents drop off their kids and those parents were exhausted, right? And they were just like exasperated. Like they are saying like, Hey, please help. And also please give me a break for a minute. And so like, if you can call and like, if they, you know that they're having trouble with their kid at school and you can then brag about something awesome about that kid, like I cannot tell you how that feels. you know, just to be able to know like, cause
Nick Clason (06:36.013)
Mmm.
Nick Clason (06:44.053)
Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (06:49.464)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (06:56.216)
Yeah.
Josh Boldman (07:00.066)
And you know, let's call it what it is. Parents need to hear that not everybody hates their kid. Like, I mean, I know that sounds harsh, but like...
Nick Clason (07:05.15)
Mm-hmm. Well, no, you're always questioning, like, are our kids weird? are they? You're always asking that thing.
Josh Boldman (07:10.244)
Right? Yes. It's like, it's like my own kid. Like I love my kid, but I don't know how other people feel about him unless they tell me, you know? So yeah.
Nick Clason (07:17.634)
That's it, yeah, no, you're so right. Yeah, so, so far, you know, it's interesting. Like nothing you've said had anything to do with like the youth pastor's sermon or cue cards or so like, what else, man?
Josh Boldman (07:27.48)
Not even a little. yeah, yeah. It's not, it's not, yeah, it's not the, every year we do a message series where we talk about be nice to your parents. Like, no, that's not, that doesn't help. mean, can't, please do that. yeah, but some things that I have noticed, you know, in times, especially when I started in a ministry where I followed someone who left poorly.
Nick Clason (07:38.958)
Yeah, yeah, it sure can help,
Josh Boldman (07:54.064)
what I almost across the board saw was that that person, especially when it came to parents, was disorganized and did not communicate well. So like, and this may sound so minor, but like send an email every week. Like even if it is literally the same email, like it's the same template, just change two things, whatever. But that way when parents are trying to figure out what's going on, they can always look at the last email and see what it was.
Nick Clason (08:10.382)
It's not that hard.
Nick Clason (08:15.02)
Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (08:20.92)
Yeah.
Josh Boldman (08:21.668)
Don't expect them to open it and read it right when you send it and be like, this email was great.
Nick Clason (08:26.05)
Well, and that's what I would say with our, even the little bit of hybrid strategies, make sure your website's up to date, because how annoying is it when you have a question about what time does that event start, and you go to the website, and it's not even there. And it's like, I send it in the email. It's like, do you know how many emails I've gotten? And so I recommend a do that, do both. Just keep both things, yeah, keep both things updated.
Josh Boldman (08:30.669)
Yeah! Mm-hmm.
Yes. Yup.
Josh Boldman (08:39.76)
huh. Yeah. Yeah.
Josh Boldman (08:47.184)
All of them.
Yeah, anything you can do. Yup, 100%.
Nick Clason (08:55.308)
because they may not be hanging, like you said, on your every word. like, give me your outline from your last 10 messages so that can go over them with my kid. But no, the parents, they do just want to be able to stay in the loop, and they got a lot going on, just like you do. so help them figure out where they can snag that info, for sure.
Josh Boldman (08:59.021)
Right.
Josh Boldman (09:08.898)
Yep. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Mm-hmm, yeah, totally. Another good one that we do, and this is literally every place that I started, this was something I instituted within the first month. And I got most pushback from volunteers, which is interesting, was we start and end on time, every week, period. And my gosh, mean, to tell you that, so I was at a place once where when I came in,
Nick Clason (09:25.441)
Yeah.
Interesting.
Nick Clason (09:32.915)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Josh Boldman (09:40.751)
We started youth group at seven, which really meant it was 7 15. And then youth or the small groups went and they started at like eight 30, which is too late. And that meant that they went until nine on a school night. And then the, the, the overall ministry philosophy was we don't start cleaning up until the last kid leaves because we don't want them to feel like we're like, we're pushing them out. And my thing
Nick Clason (09:44.642)
Right.
Nick Clason (09:51.35)
Yeah, on a school night. Yep.
Nick Clason (10:03.618)
Hmm.
Nick Clason (10:07.19)
Which like I get the sentiment.
Josh Boldman (10:08.846)
I totally get it. and it does, it makes so much sense. But at the end of the day, think, think this through. Like we would have students there till like 10 30 and 11 and then we would clean and I'm there with my own son. So I can't even go home with my own kid and get him to bed. And he's got to go to school the next morning. Right. And so, so now if I'm a parent and I notice a pattern that my kid keeps getting in trouble on Thursdays and
Nick Clason (10:23.806)
Mm-hmm. You're in prison. Yeah, you're locked up like.
Josh Boldman (10:38.221)
then I also piece it together that they're out late every Wednesday, I'm gonna start putting two and two together and I'm gonna start blaming somebody. And so like...
Nick Clason (10:41.762)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (10:46.2)
Bro, that's, I mean, we don't, we, so we homeschool our kids this year, first year. They couldn't go to like Wednesday night activities at the church, because it was too tough of a turnaround for their like first and second grade bodies. Like the alarm goes off at 6 a.m. after church on Wednesday night. was like, exactly, it was brutal. And so it's like now the nice thing is like, hey, we're homeschooled and you know what's cool? We can take our kids to church.
Josh Boldman (10:50.126)
Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (10:53.901)
Yeah!
Josh Boldman (10:57.645)
Yeah, dude!
so hard.
Which is crazy. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And what it let us do is we said 8 45. That's when we start cleaning up whether students are there or not. And any student who's still there gets to help. And, and so one that actually taught the students that, okay, I'm going to go ahead and leave it at 30. But yeah. But, then when parents would show up and they'd see their kid helping, like even that was like, my gosh, this
Nick Clason (11:18.296)
Mm-hmm.
gets to help.
Nick Clason (11:26.734)
Or the good ones will, you know, how can it help?
Nick Clason (11:34.999)
Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (11:37.858)
what are you doing here and how is this magic and how can I do this at home? And so suddenly that just creates so many more opportunities for conversations with parents and for us to say, we're doing this and we're keeping a tight schedule so that you know what to expect and what your kid knows what to expect at school the next day.
Nick Clason (11:54.946)
Yeah, so good. When you say start, how would you see it being helpful? Maybe I understand the ending, the beginning. How is it helpful starting on time as opposed to like a delayed 15 minutes? I feel like that's a staple in youth ministry.
Josh Boldman (12:02.541)
Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So like same thing. Like I know it's a hard turnaround. Like if you your kid gets home from school, you get home from work, you're trying to get dinner, all that. You rush, rush, rush, rush, and you rush to get them there at seven. And then you just see everybody just sitting around and you're like, why did I rush so hard to get here? And yeah. Right. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.
Nick Clason (12:27.906)
So it's like an honoring of the effort that it took to, yeah. So like you actually, yeah, it's good, it's good, I like it.
Josh Boldman (12:35.118)
You know, mean, it's never perfect, right? know, mean, you stuff's always gonna go sideways, but like, if you, if you can give them what to expect, then when it does go a little long or, you know, things don't quite work out the way that then it's like, it's not their, their internal monologue is like, again, you know, it's just like, oh, okay, yeah, get it. happens, you know, yeah.
Nick Clason (12:43.949)
Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (12:54.678)
Hmm It happened yeah, you have the kind of credibility of like we always end on time Sorry tonight went five minutes late and that's I mean I'm with you like if you're gonna go like late like five minutes is your Absolute max like that's my that's my absolute max. I'm like and I'm sweating bullets in the back like Band we don't need you to play that interlude again. Just pray. Let's go get him out of here. Yeah
Josh Boldman (13:04.119)
Yep. Yep.
Josh Boldman (13:11.958)
Totally. yeah.
Josh Boldman (13:20.652)
Right, please actually don't. Please don't. Yeah.
Nick Clason (13:24.24)
alright, anything else?
Josh Boldman (13:26.413)
I would say, so something we did was we started a text chain where we would send parents discussion questions during the lesson. So that if they were picking their kid up later, they'd be like, instead of saying, how was youth group? They could be like, hey, I heard you were talking about Joshua chapter two. would you have? Yeah.
Nick Clason (13:35.456)
I like it.
Nick Clason (13:41.654)
Yeah, it's good. And it goes right to them. Being on the phone, that, as opposed to a cue card, you know, we posted on a Facebook group and I still don't even think that's the most effective place for it. And even, yeah, exactly, that's really good. That's good.
Josh Boldman (13:54.529)
Right, mm-hmm, yeah. And it lets them opt in. Man, mm-hmm. Two other kind of small things that we used to do is we created an observation deck where it was like a row where parents could come and sit and watch. But it was where, and we always had a volunteer assigned to them, so it was like, you know, we always said, if you're gonna be around kids, you gotta be background checked, yada, yada, and all that. like, but, but.
Nick Clason (14:11.186)
that's cool.
Nick Clason (14:20.63)
Yeah, all the things,
Josh Boldman (14:22.461)
If you're a parent, you're just like genuinely curious about what happens here. You don't have to go through that whole process, but we're going to stick a volunteer with you that has, and they're going to be with you the entire time. and, that at least let, let parents know that, this is not a secret. What we do here. We're not, you know, trying to like turn your kids against you or anything like that. yeah. And then, last bit of advice I would give is just when you are talking to parents,
Nick Clason (14:32.012)
Yeah, come hang out.
Nick Clason (14:36.622)
Hmm.
Nick Clason (14:41.836)
Yeah, that's just like a full transparency moment. So that's cool.
Josh Boldman (14:51.38)
Remember that they are adults and not students. And it's hard to turn that, know, you'd switch that, you know, flip that switch or whatever. Cause you can be really quick going from talking to a bunch of kids to then talking to parents and that same, that same demeanor, that same way, you know, you're addressing, like there's a, the parent that brought the kid and the parent that wants to take that kid home needs, needs respect. And you know, that
and it needs respect shown in a way that's different than the way you show respect to a student. So I say, just remember that, remember you're on the same team. It's not you versus them, it's you and them trying to help the kid.
Nick Clason (15:24.995)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (15:30.732)
Yeah. And I think the, as I listened to every single thing you said, right? I think the encouraging part is nothing really added anything to your workload. You're not creating some crazy parent seminar. You're not adding some big once a year conference. Like you are subtly shifting your positioning at the beginning and end of service. You're subtly shifting your mindset and your organization and
Josh Boldman (15:45.833)
Right, no.
Nick Clason (16:00.214)
you're adding maybe a text thread, right? Which like, it'll take you less than 10 minutes for your entire series to type out two questions per message. You know, like.
Josh Boldman (16:02.9)
Right. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Josh Boldman (16:10.503)
yeah, well, and what we do, we use questions that were small group questions anyway. Yeah, sure.
Nick Clason (16:15.596)
Yeah, yeah, and you can copy and paste or reframe slightly and you're right there. So that's so good. Josh, anything else that the people need to know about partnering with parents or anything else they need to know in general?
Josh Boldman (16:20.393)
Yeah, uh-huh, Yep. Totally.
It, I will say this, okay, and because this is the mistake I made and I think a mistake so many people make, if you don't have kids, do not assume that you know better than the parent. Assume that you are, you can help the parent, assume that you are, you are still a resource and you know, you know students. But just parenting is hard, dude. Like it's so hard. And by, you don't know what, what that parent,
Nick Clason (16:40.194)
Mm, that's good.
Nick Clason (16:53.32)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (16:58.333)
is walking in with or what they're walking out with. You might think that that kid is just the golden child, but that might not be what is happening at home. Just don't assume. So go into any conversation with parents, I think, with a posture of learning and a posture of, want to support you, I think is good. Yeah.
Nick Clason (17:09.228)
Mm. Yeah.
Nick Clason (17:16.248)
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, that's awesome. Hey, all Josh social media, all his stuff's linked down below. Go check him out. But for Josh, this is Nick. Thanks for being here, guys. We'll talk to you next time.
Josh Boldman (17:29.042)
Later. Bye.
View all episodes
By Nick ClasonIn this conversation, Nick Clason (Hybrid Ministry) and Josh Boldman (Download Youth Ministry) discuss the importance of partnering with parents in youth ministry. Josh gives 10 tips from the perspective of a parent NOT working at a church. Several tips are incredibly Hybrid, and best of all, it's not going to add anymore work to your plate!
📊 [FREE] HYBRID STRATEGY GUIDE
https://hybrid-ministry-40060036.hubspotpagebuilder.com/free-hybrid-ministry-e-book
✅ CHURCH COMMUNICATIONS DONE FOR YOU
https://www.hybridministry.xyz/articles/comms
SHOW NOTES
Shownotes & Transcripts
https://www.hybridministry.xyz/145
//CONNECT WITH JOSH ON SOCIAL
https://www.tiktok.com/@joshboldman
https://www.instagram.com/joshboldman/
https://www.facebook.com/joshboldman
https://x.com/joshboldman
👉 STAY CONNECTED WITH NICK
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clasonnick
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hybridministry/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@clasonnick
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HybridMinistry
Website: https://www.hybridministry.xyz
--------------
🎉 FREE STUFF 🎉
We have all kinds of FREE Things that you can use in your context!
The best way to pay us back is a review or a YouTube Subscribe!
https://www.linktr.ee/clasonnick
--------------
🛠️TOOLS I USE THAT CAN HELP YOU!
Some of the below links are affilate links in which we do recieve a small commission based on your purchase or use of products
VIDIQ
https://vidiq.com/hybrid
BEST DYM RESOURCES
https://www.hybridministry.xyz/articles/dym
OPUS.PRO FOR AI SHORTS & REELS
https://www.opus.pro/?via=a5d361
//YOUTUBE STARTER KIT FOR UNDER $100
https://www.hybridministry.xyz/articles/youtubestarterkit
--------------
🕰️TIMECODES
00:00 Why Partnering with Parents?
02:52 Tip #1
4:34 Tip #2
05:22 Tip #3
06:04 Tip #4
08:55 Tip #5
10:18 Tip #6
13:02 Why does starting on time honor parents?
14:26 Tip #7
15:03 Tip #8
15:47 Tip #9
17:33 Tip #10
--------------
TRANSCRIPT
Nick Clason (00:00.93)
Well, so here we are. And Josh, you might be the most frequented guest now on the Hybrid Ministry podcast, which with all I would, I think I sent you one actually. So, so yeah. But today I've been asking people like, what do you feel like you're kind of like an expert on? So we're in this kind of mini series called How I, and so you said, let's talk about partnering with parents. And so.
Josh Boldman (00:06.494)
Yes Do I get a jacket like do I get a like there's like a that's true actually, you know, that's fair
Josh Boldman (00:29.991)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (00:31.124)
over all your different years of experience, what do you feel like uniquely positions you from a mindset or experience-wise or whatever about this idea of partnering with parents?
Josh Boldman (00:38.9)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah. Yeah, so I mean, over the course of 20 years in youth ministry, I did the traditional route of before I had a kid, feeling like I knew everything more than any of the parents. Like I was way smarter than them. And then I had my own kid, and then I was able to actually have the blessing of having my own kid in my own ministry. And then recently have now,
Nick Clason (00:55.712)
yeah.
Nick Clason (01:03.937)
Mmm.
Josh Boldman (01:08.465)
like a life stage where my kid is a part of a ministry that I do not lead. And so it's like, there, that's what I should have. Okay, those are the questions that I now have that I should have been answering.
Nick Clason (01:13.358)
Hmm.
Nick Clason (01:19.904)
I do actually think that's a really, really fascinating perspective and one worth exploring. So what are a couple of principles or takeaways, especially in the lane of I'm a youth pastor veteran, I work for a youth ministry company, but as a parent, as a customer, so to speak, of this youth group, like what do you wish you were getting back from the youth ministry?
Josh Boldman (01:23.826)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (01:35.303)
Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (01:42.291)
Yeah. Yeah. I think that's something that every youth minister needs to remember is that you are ministering to a family and not just to a student. Hands down, because like a student is a product, I mean, not entirely, but like they're a product of their family, right? Their parents. when you talk, you talk to a kid, half the things they say are things that they have either heard their parents say or they've
Nick Clason (01:53.965)
Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (02:02.028)
Yeah.
Josh Boldman (02:11.835)
or are in like rebellion against something that their parents have said, right? So like, so like the better that you know the parents, the better you are going to know the student. And whether that that kid has a awesome relationship with their parents or a terrible relationship with their parents or no relationship with their parents, whoever it is at home that takes care of them, that makes them feel safe. You are on the same team with that person, whether you know them or not.
Nick Clason (02:15.598)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Nick Clason (02:22.446)
Hmm.
Nick Clason (02:30.702)
Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (02:41.583)
And it, it, it, I will be as blunt as I can be in saying if, you're on the same team as that, of those people and you don't know them, that is dumb. Like it just don't, don't put yourself in a position of being on a team with someone you don't even know.
Nick Clason (02:50.563)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (02:56.28)
So you've worked in some larger contexts, let's say. How would you recommend someone who has a youth group of 50 students with, let's say, 50 unique family units? so probably more than 50 because siblings, whatever. How do they get to know parents? Because I would imagine the pushback from a youth pastor is like, well, I try. have a well, and we have meetings and they never come to the meetings and all this stuff like what. So.
Josh Boldman (03:00.646)
Yep.
Josh Boldman (03:08.23)
Yeah, yeah, Uh-huh.
Josh Boldman (03:17.757)
Yep, I can't know them all yet.
Josh Boldman (03:24.465)
Yeah. Yeah.
Nick Clason (03:24.812)
We've all been there, we've all experienced it. what, as a parent now on the other side, give us some tips.
Josh Boldman (03:30.418)
Yeah, yeah, I would say one, especially if you're talking about a middle school ministry, do check in at the beginning of the night and be at the check-in station. And I know that seems so like antithetical to like, I should be hanging out with the kids. you know, yes, that's great. Go play nine square, go play gaga ball, whatever, but spend some time at check-in because especially if they're in sixth, seventh, eighth grade, their parents are going to probably walk in with them.
Nick Clason (03:42.775)
Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (03:51.938)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (03:56.471)
Right.
Josh Boldman (04:00.274)
Like, so that's a great opportunity. but even if it's not then like clock the times that, know, like, Hey, when are my best opportunities to meet this parent? And it's, it's almost always going to be a drop-off pickup. Um, we, know, sometimes we'll do like, uh, you know, depending on like the layout of your building and how close the room is to the actual parking lot. Like, um, we used to do a thing where we'd have somebody inside with a walkie talkie and somebody outside with a walkie talkie. So what a parent would pull up.
they would say, hey, I'm here to pick up Johnny. And so the person on the radio would be like, Johnny. And so then we'd call Johnny's name inside. I was like, why am I not the person outside with the walkie talkie? Like go be that person talking to the parent. you know, that, you know, and, plus one of the best things you can do in that situation is they're like, Hey, I'm here to pick up Johnny. You can be like, dude, Johnny's awesome. Like, let me tell you about Johnny. Johnny is so stinking cool. Yup. Yeah.
Nick Clason (04:30.774)
Hmm.
Nick Clason (04:40.906)
Yeah, that's so smart.
Nick Clason (04:50.902)
Yeah, and what parent doesn't want to hear that about their kid?
Josh Boldman (04:56.562)
Oh yeah, cause think of every time a parent gets called by a teacher, it's to tell them that their kid's not doing great. know, so like if you can be like the one time that you like, or I mean, if you're open enough to literally calling parents, like go call a parent and be like, Hey, I need to tell you something about Johnny. And they're like, what do you do now? They're like, he was amazing. Like, you know, and I mean, don't lie about Johnny. Like if Johnny's a little turd, like, know, you can be honest about it, but like, don't, but don't drag Johnny through.
Nick Clason (05:02.294)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (05:14.924)
Yeah, yeah. That's cool, yeah.
Yeah.
Josh Boldman (05:26.62)
You know, go out of your way to tell them how awesome it is.
Nick Clason (05:26.872)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (05:30.284)
Yeah, that's so good. It's like the whole idea of positive reinforcement versus negative, so much more powerful. And we can just be strategic and intentional to position ourselves to do that. Even if you're like, I'll give myself 20 minutes on the calendar a week and I'll try to call as many parents and just say something nice about their kids. And if they're quick conversations or even, bro, leave a voicemail. Maybe they don't answer, whatever. It'll still be awesome. can be like, okay, no need to
Josh Boldman (05:33.859)
Mm-hmm. Totally, totally.
Josh Boldman (05:46.779)
Yeah. yeah.
Josh Boldman (05:56.422)
Yeah!
Nick Clason (05:59.67)
No need to call back, just wanted to let you know whatever, that'd be really good.
Josh Boldman (06:01.999)
Yeah. Yeah. And especially if you know, you have a kid who is, you know, mean, gosh, I don't know what it has been about the, you know, the 20 years I spent in ministry, but it was like, it was just like every kid with an attention deficit of something, something, something like they all just showed up at our ministry. Right. It was grabbing it, which is a lot of fun. I'm just like, I'll be the first to say like, it is a party, but yes. man. Until the broken arms, but
Nick Clason (06:16.854)
Mm-hmm
Nick Clason (06:26.348)
You had fun during the games.
haha
Josh Boldman (06:30.781)
you would, but the thing was, is you would see parents drop off their kids and those parents were exhausted, right? And they were just like exasperated. Like they are saying like, Hey, please help. And also please give me a break for a minute. And so like, if you can call and like, if they, you know that they're having trouble with their kid at school and you can then brag about something awesome about that kid, like I cannot tell you how that feels. you know, just to be able to know like, cause
Nick Clason (06:36.013)
Mmm.
Nick Clason (06:44.053)
Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (06:49.464)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (06:56.216)
Yeah.
Josh Boldman (07:00.066)
And you know, let's call it what it is. Parents need to hear that not everybody hates their kid. Like, I mean, I know that sounds harsh, but like...
Nick Clason (07:05.15)
Mm-hmm. Well, no, you're always questioning, like, are our kids weird? are they? You're always asking that thing.
Josh Boldman (07:10.244)
Right? Yes. It's like, it's like my own kid. Like I love my kid, but I don't know how other people feel about him unless they tell me, you know? So yeah.
Nick Clason (07:17.634)
That's it, yeah, no, you're so right. Yeah, so, so far, you know, it's interesting. Like nothing you've said had anything to do with like the youth pastor's sermon or cue cards or so like, what else, man?
Josh Boldman (07:27.48)
Not even a little. yeah, yeah. It's not, it's not, yeah, it's not the, every year we do a message series where we talk about be nice to your parents. Like, no, that's not, that doesn't help. mean, can't, please do that. yeah, but some things that I have noticed, you know, in times, especially when I started in a ministry where I followed someone who left poorly.
Nick Clason (07:38.958)
Yeah, yeah, it sure can help,
Josh Boldman (07:54.064)
what I almost across the board saw was that that person, especially when it came to parents, was disorganized and did not communicate well. So like, and this may sound so minor, but like send an email every week. Like even if it is literally the same email, like it's the same template, just change two things, whatever. But that way when parents are trying to figure out what's going on, they can always look at the last email and see what it was.
Nick Clason (08:10.382)
It's not that hard.
Nick Clason (08:15.02)
Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (08:20.92)
Yeah.
Josh Boldman (08:21.668)
Don't expect them to open it and read it right when you send it and be like, this email was great.
Nick Clason (08:26.05)
Well, and that's what I would say with our, even the little bit of hybrid strategies, make sure your website's up to date, because how annoying is it when you have a question about what time does that event start, and you go to the website, and it's not even there. And it's like, I send it in the email. It's like, do you know how many emails I've gotten? And so I recommend a do that, do both. Just keep both things, yeah, keep both things updated.
Josh Boldman (08:30.669)
Yeah! Mm-hmm.
Yes. Yup.
Josh Boldman (08:39.76)
huh. Yeah. Yeah.
Josh Boldman (08:47.184)
All of them.
Yeah, anything you can do. Yup, 100%.
Nick Clason (08:55.308)
because they may not be hanging, like you said, on your every word. like, give me your outline from your last 10 messages so that can go over them with my kid. But no, the parents, they do just want to be able to stay in the loop, and they got a lot going on, just like you do. so help them figure out where they can snag that info, for sure.
Josh Boldman (08:59.021)
Right.
Josh Boldman (09:08.898)
Yep. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Mm-hmm, yeah, totally. Another good one that we do, and this is literally every place that I started, this was something I instituted within the first month. And I got most pushback from volunteers, which is interesting, was we start and end on time, every week, period. And my gosh, mean, to tell you that, so I was at a place once where when I came in,
Nick Clason (09:25.441)
Yeah.
Interesting.
Nick Clason (09:32.915)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Josh Boldman (09:40.751)
We started youth group at seven, which really meant it was 7 15. And then youth or the small groups went and they started at like eight 30, which is too late. And that meant that they went until nine on a school night. And then the, the, the overall ministry philosophy was we don't start cleaning up until the last kid leaves because we don't want them to feel like we're like, we're pushing them out. And my thing
Nick Clason (09:44.642)
Right.
Nick Clason (09:51.35)
Yeah, on a school night. Yep.
Nick Clason (10:03.618)
Hmm.
Nick Clason (10:07.19)
Which like I get the sentiment.
Josh Boldman (10:08.846)
I totally get it. and it does, it makes so much sense. But at the end of the day, think, think this through. Like we would have students there till like 10 30 and 11 and then we would clean and I'm there with my own son. So I can't even go home with my own kid and get him to bed. And he's got to go to school the next morning. Right. And so, so now if I'm a parent and I notice a pattern that my kid keeps getting in trouble on Thursdays and
Nick Clason (10:23.806)
Mm-hmm. You're in prison. Yeah, you're locked up like.
Josh Boldman (10:38.221)
then I also piece it together that they're out late every Wednesday, I'm gonna start putting two and two together and I'm gonna start blaming somebody. And so like...
Nick Clason (10:41.762)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (10:46.2)
Bro, that's, I mean, we don't, we, so we homeschool our kids this year, first year. They couldn't go to like Wednesday night activities at the church, because it was too tough of a turnaround for their like first and second grade bodies. Like the alarm goes off at 6 a.m. after church on Wednesday night. was like, exactly, it was brutal. And so it's like now the nice thing is like, hey, we're homeschooled and you know what's cool? We can take our kids to church.
Josh Boldman (10:50.126)
Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (10:53.901)
Yeah!
Josh Boldman (10:57.645)
Yeah, dude!
so hard.
Which is crazy. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And what it let us do is we said 8 45. That's when we start cleaning up whether students are there or not. And any student who's still there gets to help. And, and so one that actually taught the students that, okay, I'm going to go ahead and leave it at 30. But yeah. But, then when parents would show up and they'd see their kid helping, like even that was like, my gosh, this
Nick Clason (11:18.296)
Mm-hmm.
gets to help.
Nick Clason (11:26.734)
Or the good ones will, you know, how can it help?
Nick Clason (11:34.999)
Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (11:37.858)
what are you doing here and how is this magic and how can I do this at home? And so suddenly that just creates so many more opportunities for conversations with parents and for us to say, we're doing this and we're keeping a tight schedule so that you know what to expect and what your kid knows what to expect at school the next day.
Nick Clason (11:54.946)
Yeah, so good. When you say start, how would you see it being helpful? Maybe I understand the ending, the beginning. How is it helpful starting on time as opposed to like a delayed 15 minutes? I feel like that's a staple in youth ministry.
Josh Boldman (12:02.541)
Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So like same thing. Like I know it's a hard turnaround. Like if you your kid gets home from school, you get home from work, you're trying to get dinner, all that. You rush, rush, rush, rush, and you rush to get them there at seven. And then you just see everybody just sitting around and you're like, why did I rush so hard to get here? And yeah. Right. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.
Nick Clason (12:27.906)
So it's like an honoring of the effort that it took to, yeah. So like you actually, yeah, it's good, it's good, I like it.
Josh Boldman (12:35.118)
You know, mean, it's never perfect, right? know, mean, you stuff's always gonna go sideways, but like, if you, if you can give them what to expect, then when it does go a little long or, you know, things don't quite work out the way that then it's like, it's not their, their internal monologue is like, again, you know, it's just like, oh, okay, yeah, get it. happens, you know, yeah.
Nick Clason (12:43.949)
Mm-hmm.
Nick Clason (12:54.678)
Hmm It happened yeah, you have the kind of credibility of like we always end on time Sorry tonight went five minutes late and that's I mean I'm with you like if you're gonna go like late like five minutes is your Absolute max like that's my that's my absolute max. I'm like and I'm sweating bullets in the back like Band we don't need you to play that interlude again. Just pray. Let's go get him out of here. Yeah
Josh Boldman (13:04.119)
Yep. Yep.
Josh Boldman (13:11.958)
Totally. yeah.
Josh Boldman (13:20.652)
Right, please actually don't. Please don't. Yeah.
Nick Clason (13:24.24)
alright, anything else?
Josh Boldman (13:26.413)
I would say, so something we did was we started a text chain where we would send parents discussion questions during the lesson. So that if they were picking their kid up later, they'd be like, instead of saying, how was youth group? They could be like, hey, I heard you were talking about Joshua chapter two. would you have? Yeah.
Nick Clason (13:35.456)
I like it.
Nick Clason (13:41.654)
Yeah, it's good. And it goes right to them. Being on the phone, that, as opposed to a cue card, you know, we posted on a Facebook group and I still don't even think that's the most effective place for it. And even, yeah, exactly, that's really good. That's good.
Josh Boldman (13:54.529)
Right, mm-hmm, yeah. And it lets them opt in. Man, mm-hmm. Two other kind of small things that we used to do is we created an observation deck where it was like a row where parents could come and sit and watch. But it was where, and we always had a volunteer assigned to them, so it was like, you know, we always said, if you're gonna be around kids, you gotta be background checked, yada, yada, and all that. like, but, but.
Nick Clason (14:11.186)
that's cool.
Nick Clason (14:20.63)
Yeah, all the things,
Josh Boldman (14:22.461)
If you're a parent, you're just like genuinely curious about what happens here. You don't have to go through that whole process, but we're going to stick a volunteer with you that has, and they're going to be with you the entire time. and, that at least let, let parents know that, this is not a secret. What we do here. We're not, you know, trying to like turn your kids against you or anything like that. yeah. And then, last bit of advice I would give is just when you are talking to parents,
Nick Clason (14:32.012)
Yeah, come hang out.
Nick Clason (14:36.622)
Hmm.
Nick Clason (14:41.836)
Yeah, that's just like a full transparency moment. So that's cool.
Josh Boldman (14:51.38)
Remember that they are adults and not students. And it's hard to turn that, know, you'd switch that, you know, flip that switch or whatever. Cause you can be really quick going from talking to a bunch of kids to then talking to parents and that same, that same demeanor, that same way, you know, you're addressing, like there's a, the parent that brought the kid and the parent that wants to take that kid home needs, needs respect. And you know, that
and it needs respect shown in a way that's different than the way you show respect to a student. So I say, just remember that, remember you're on the same team. It's not you versus them, it's you and them trying to help the kid.
Nick Clason (15:24.995)
Yeah.
Nick Clason (15:30.732)
Yeah. And I think the, as I listened to every single thing you said, right? I think the encouraging part is nothing really added anything to your workload. You're not creating some crazy parent seminar. You're not adding some big once a year conference. Like you are subtly shifting your positioning at the beginning and end of service. You're subtly shifting your mindset and your organization and
Josh Boldman (15:45.833)
Right, no.
Nick Clason (16:00.214)
you're adding maybe a text thread, right? Which like, it'll take you less than 10 minutes for your entire series to type out two questions per message. You know, like.
Josh Boldman (16:02.9)
Right. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Josh Boldman (16:10.503)
yeah, well, and what we do, we use questions that were small group questions anyway. Yeah, sure.
Nick Clason (16:15.596)
Yeah, yeah, and you can copy and paste or reframe slightly and you're right there. So that's so good. Josh, anything else that the people need to know about partnering with parents or anything else they need to know in general?
Josh Boldman (16:20.393)
Yeah, uh-huh, Yep. Totally.
It, I will say this, okay, and because this is the mistake I made and I think a mistake so many people make, if you don't have kids, do not assume that you know better than the parent. Assume that you are, you can help the parent, assume that you are, you are still a resource and you know, you know students. But just parenting is hard, dude. Like it's so hard. And by, you don't know what, what that parent,
Nick Clason (16:40.194)
Mm, that's good.
Nick Clason (16:53.32)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Josh Boldman (16:58.333)
is walking in with or what they're walking out with. You might think that that kid is just the golden child, but that might not be what is happening at home. Just don't assume. So go into any conversation with parents, I think, with a posture of learning and a posture of, want to support you, I think is good. Yeah.
Nick Clason (17:09.228)
Mm. Yeah.
Nick Clason (17:16.248)
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, that's awesome. Hey, all Josh social media, all his stuff's linked down below. Go check him out. But for Josh, this is Nick. Thanks for being here, guys. We'll talk to you next time.
Josh Boldman (17:29.042)
Later. Bye.