In this three-part series, my husband and I get personal about the strategies we used to to help our three year old adjust to life with a baby sister.

3 of 3

Avoiding resentments in the first few months Framing

• Avoid using fixed-mindset language. It can threaten role identify. The younger isn’t incompetent while the older is privileged with being capable. That puts the older one at odds with the younger baby  

  • Instead, we want to communicate that...The younger one is learning a lot of things, and the big sibling gets the honor of getting to help nurture growth if they want. 

• “We’re in it together”

  • Crying = Alarm system. We’re in it together. Flooding. She thinks she’s unsafe but she’s safe. Empathize w baby. 

• Generalized friend language

  • If there are times you need to set boundaries, instead of saying “hey stop doing that to your sister/brother”, use the language that is generalized like a friend: “We don’t scream at our friends when we are upset.” “Do we yell at our friends when they are sad?” “Do we jump near our friends’ heads?” 

Setting Boundaries

• Clear physical boundaries. Okay to act decisively--use a firm tone and physically intervene. Most effective to focus on “what you CAN do”

  • If you want to jump, you can find a safe space like over there. 

• Giving older kiddo explicit ways she can engage when we are focused on baby

  • Diaper changes

  • Can you help find her pacifier? Do you have a story you want to tell her? 

Give yourself grace

• Notice your feelings and respond with intention

• Childcare.

  What other advice would you give to families adjusting to a new baby sibling? Share below.