In this episode of the parenting manual we discuss how conflict over screen time leads to meaningful conversations. So today’s episode is another episode featuring my wife and we are going to go through something that happened this afternoon, and we had a conflict that we resolved in real-time over text messages, which is never a desirable medium by which to resolve conflict. unfortunately, that’s what was available to us at the time.

Summary and Notes

[00:01:21] – Quitting screen time cold turkey

[00:04:15] – The correlation of Isaac’s tantrum in regards to screen time

[00:15:22] – The difference in energies between parents

[00:18:58] – Meeting frustration with frustration

[00:23:45] – Separating your feelings vs handling the situation

[00:27:33] – Behavior issues in schools: Behavior is communication

Quotes from the Episode:

“If we’re looking at the wrong, just the answer the wrong question, then we’re never going to find the right solution.” [00:10:07]

“I want to be able to have them kind of expand their boundaries and stretch and see, but then I do want to be able to reel them back in when, necessary….I want them to explore their  boundaries, not the boundaries necessarily that I set for them. [00:18:14]

“I separate what they’re doing from how that’s making me feel at the time.” [00:23:16]

“We need to be able to manage this situation regardless of what the stimulus.” [00:24:59]

Transcript Below

And oftentimes I think it’s probably better to not even. Start over text because there’s so much meaning that just is lost. But the bottom line was I got a text from my wife who was at gymnastics with my son and daughter. We did the shuffle where I took my daughter to gymnastics and then my wife met us with my son or vice versa.

And then, I got to take off and she took over at that point in time cause we were doing the shuffle. At the end of the day. And what happened was my son, normally in our house, our son does not listen to or watch any, any screen time really. for the first two and a half or three years.

we let him have an iPad that he kind of dragged around with him and his sister, had one for like the first maybe year of her life. And then, we quit cold Turkey. Like. Just, that was it. And he has not had any screen time for I think a year now. Maybe a little bit more. What is it roughly a year, roughly a year, and neither has a sister.

But what we started to do recently is I have started to watch, films on, the screen of a laptop, at a table with my son and daughter. So I’ll be there. Generally speaking, I’ll be sitting with them. There’ll be watching something and we’ll be talking about it and we’ll be going over what it is that they’re seeing.

my son, he enjoys some action type stuff. introducing him to some of the Lord of the rings and talking about how the man who originally wrote those books was in a world war one, and that is, he helps to contrast that with his grandfather who was in the second world war. But regardless.

both of us acknowledge that screen time, not particularly good for the kiddos, especially extended screen time. Now where we have some difference of opinion on this is what counts as screen time. And so what happened today? my wife obviously had a very busy day traveling around for work.

we’re doing the shuffle with the kids and I get a text from her that says. Something along the lines of it’s Isaac is, is screaming right now. , he wants me to give him a movie on my phone while we wait for his sister at gymnastics. And the text said, please, no more movies with him because it causes this conflict.

And so. I responded back and I agreed. I said, I think that we should begin limiting the screen time a little bit more.