I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians broke into my house. "What the devil?" I said, as I grabbed my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blew a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he was dead on the spot. Drew my pistol on the second man and missed him entirely because it's smoothbore and I later found out that it nailed the neighbors dog. I had to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot. "Tally ho lads!" I yelled, as the grape shot shredded two men in the blast, the sound and shrapnel set off car alarms. I mounted my trusty war horse, Charles, and charged the last terrified rapscallion. Impaling him with my standard issue 2 foot bayonet. He bled out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds were impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

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