Episode 2 — “Coming Out: On My Terms”

In this deeply emotional episode, Riley opens up about the truth behind coming out — not as a single moment, but a lifetime of small, sacred choices.

This episode explores the fear, grief, and wisdom that shaped Riley’s journey, including the recent loss of their father-in-law to suicide and the painful realization that each loss is one less connection to Morgan, their late wife.

This episode is raw, tender, vulnerable, and empowering. If you’ve ever felt torn between fear and authenticity, this conversation is for you.

Extended Show Notes

✨ Episode Summary

In this deeply vulnerable episode, Riley shares the truth about coming out — not as a single moment, but as a lifelong journey filled with fear, freedom, grief, and profound self-discovery.

The episode begins with an honest reflection on the tragic loss of Riley’s father-in-law to suicide — a loss that occurred just days before releasing Episode 1. Riley explores how this heartbreak resurfaced old wounds, especially around losing another piece of Morgan.

From there, Riley dives into the layered process of coming out: the waiting, the fear of survival, the exhaustion of being visible, the grief of hiding, and the beauty of choosing your own timeline.

Whether you’re exploring your identity or walking alongside someone who is, this episode offers grounding, compassion, and hope.

❤️ In This Episode, We Explore:

🟣 The Preshow Message

The suicide of Riley’s father-in-law

How grief and identity are intertwined

Losing another thread connecting Riley to Morgan

Why stepping back was necessary and human

🟣 Coming Out as a Lifetime of Moments

Not one reveal, but hundreds

The emotional labor behind “Am I safe?”

Choosing your truth with intention

🟣 Fear, Safety, and the Wisdom of Waiting

Why “just be brave” is unrealistic

The real survival risks queer and fluid people navigate

Waiting as an act of self-protection

🟣 Morgan’s Influence

Her unconditional love

Her role in Riley’s acceptance of fluid identity

Why her loss became a turning point

🟣 Visibility as Liberation and Exhaustion

The emotional cost of being seen

Balancing openness with privacy

Claiming authenticity on your own terms

🟣 Coming Out Is Never “One and Done”

Each new environment requires a new reveal

The weariness of repeated explanations

“This is me” as a reclaiming of identity

🟣 The Grief of Hiding

The years spent performing masculinity for survival

Friendships and opportunities missed

The ache of disconnecting from your true self

🟣 Practical Guidance for Listeners

Assessing emotional and physical safety

Creating a support network

Preparing your words before coming out

Setting boundaries and protecting your peace

💬 Key Quotes

“Coming out isn’t about appearing brave — it’s about alignment.”

“Hiding wasn’t just missing out on experiences — I was missing out on myself.”

“Every time I say ‘This is me,’ I claim more ground in my own life.”

“Your timeline is valid. You choose your moment.”

📚 Resources Mentioned

If you or someone you love is struggling:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.)

Call or text 988

Chat: https://988lifeline.org

Outside the U.S.:

Please check your local or national crisis hotline.

🟢 Connect With the Show

If this episode moved you, helped you, or made you feel seen:

Follow the podcast

Share with someone who might need it

Leave a rating or review — it truly helps

Connect on social media: Stilettos & Steel Toes Podcast

💛 Final Message

You are not too late for your own life.

You are not wrong for needing time.

You are not alone in feeling afraid.

Your story, your truth, your timing — they belong to you.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for surviving.