Sometimes your cult leader is a recovering drunk who's super into LSD. Sometimes he's a twerpy little sex pest coasting on a middle-school judo championship and a good result on an OMNI Magazine IQ test. And since we're all about making choices here, it's time to dig into both these weirdos and the cults they founded. This week's cults: Synanon, a rehab-turned-shaved-heads-and-overalls joint in California, and Nexium, a pyramid scheme-turned-Adult-Friend-Finding service which is supposed to be spelled NXIVM but we're not doing that because it's fucking stupid. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!