This weeks game is a half-baked 2009 reboot of a NES cult classic, Bionic Commando. Starring a fellow who would very much like to be Jason Momoa, Bionic Commando 2009 argues that what bright and colorful 1988 game about punching robot Nazis needed was a whole lot more angst.

The story revolves around legendary soldier Solid Snake--I mean Nathan Spencer as he is recruited by his old CO Colonel Campbell--I mean Super Joe to infiltrate Shadow Moses Island--I mean Ascension City and thwart the plans of the evil terrorists FoxHound--I mean BioReign. Also, there’s at least one Nazi still hanging around somewhere. Oh, and a dead wife, apparently. Does this attempt to turn goofy to gritty work in Bionic Commando’s favor?

Short answer: No.