Paul comes in hot with a brutal hypothetical: if you had to put your car on Tottenham every week, which fixtures would you actually risk it on? From there it spirals into a genuinely chaotic relegation reality check as Spurs and West Ham get “win-mapped” game by game, and the North London Derby becomes less about bragging rights and more about survival.

Then it’s Arsenal’s title momentum versus the media’s mood swings, plus a proper look at City’s new-look directness and why a calm defender can change everything. Finally, the episode detonates into a Chelsea rant for the ages: the “project”, the spending, the long contracts, the red cards, and Paul reaching the unthinkable point of questioning Cole Palmer.

To finish: who replaces Spurs in the Big Six if they fall, a Mount Rushmore debate for Premier League clubs, and a ridiculous James Milner stat that turns into the perfect sign-off.

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