Permission to Speak Podcast. Hosted by Leadership Communications Expert Kelly Vandever. Episode #21 - Marcia Reynolds. Permission to Speak is the video blog and podcast that loiters at the intersections of leaders who want their people to speak up, technology that facilitates connections, and results that serve an organization’s higher purpose. Topics covered in this episode include: - Past global president of the International Coach Federation- author of The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn Difficult Conversations into Breakthroughs- The Discomfort Zone is a way to listen to those smart competent people who seem to be stuck, help them expand their thinking in a way they can’t do for themselves- Being willing to disrupt their brain, sharing something you noticed that may upset them a little, is actually something good- It’s the difficult conversation when you have the biggest opportunity- Leaders think they have to devise a message when they talk to their person instead of realizing it’s more about how do I listen to this person- Use the discomfort zone type of conversation when a person is smart and competent but there’s a behavior that is causing a negative impact that they rationalize away- You can’t just tell them to stop it and change, that doesn’t work in the long run- Look for shifts in emotions- It’s about stopping and being present with the person in front of you- Great question is to ask: “How do you know that to be true?”- Examples and case studies in the book help people to understand and applicable they are- Once the person sees that new perspective, they can’t go back- There has to be a level of trust for this to work- You have to be there for the employee’s best interest, not just what you want- The importance of the employee feeling like they’ve been heard and allowing for the emotional expression- The leader needs to be OK with their own discomfort of the emotional expression of their employees- Leaders: don’t ever say “don’t feel that way”!- Emotional intelligence - Self-awareness is understanding how you’re feeling in the moment and being able to shift your emotions when you need to - The Leader sets the emotional tone- There’s so much more impact we have on people with our emotions than the words we use- DREAM are the bookends in having the Discomfort Zone conversations- DREAM stands for D= Determined the desired outcome; R= Reflect on what you’re seeing and hearing; E= Explore, why they feel that way, why there are contradictions in what they’re saying; A= Acknowledge what they’re learning or what insights they’re having; M= Make sure they have a commitment, ask what support they need, what they’ll do, and by what date- As a leader, commit to understanding your own emotions better and knowing your emotional triggers, what is it that you dearly protect- Understand not just that you’re feeling an emotion but why- Listening not just to our brain but paying attention to the messages sent to you by your heart and by your gut- In almost every language on the planet there are words something to the effect of, “I should have listened to my heart”- Different people refer to listening to the gut differently but there’s still the sense of listening to your gut or your core or your center- Listen to your heart with gratitude and care- Use courage to open our gut, our center, our core- Receive information from all your body, not just your head or your brain- We create a greater bond of psychological safety when we open up with the heart and with the gut- Be interested, care, listen at a deep level and people will open up- It’s not really listening, it’s receiving- Exercises and visualizations available on Marcia’s website http://outsmartyourbrain.com/exercises-support-materials/