What is it to feel a full bodied yes, or a no in my body and the idiosyncrasies that each of these experiences feel like! Forcing a yes, when it’s actually a no, DRAINS me.

The ‘pendulum’ of experience, and the ambivalent attachment style. Leaning out or leaning in. My sense of self actually lives in the middle! I need people to help know who I am, but I also need the balance of knowing who I am by knowing my own energy!

So what really is my yes!?

Where is the balance to be and stay connected to myself, and connected to another!

If I’m not showing up as my authentic self, I don’t trust myself, and no don’t trust another person liking me for me, because I’m not showing up as my true self!

It’s citrus season, there’s so much fruit and I don’t want it to go to waste!!

Why do I want to collect it and share it!?!! Is it my responsibility to see that it doesn’t go to waste!?

Do I really like making jam and chutney!?

FYI— Since recording this I think there is time and space where making jam/chutney is actually a thing I do like doing! I don’t have to ‘demonise’ all the things I enjoy!

If I haven’t mentioned — my housemates are amazing and I love getting to live with them!!

The way I’m interacting with bodies is changing the way I’m interacting with bodies. It’s changing the way I interact with my body which changes the way I interact with other peoples bodies, which changes the way I interact with my own body, dogs, cats; a spiral effect!

I have this new growing reverence for bodies!

It’s like I’ve noticed that there are bodies around, and I want them in my life and I wanna touch them, all the time!

It’s nice but it’s making me aware of not quite knowing the boundaries within the desire to touch. I also want to dance closer and closer and realising I don’t quite know how to do this, yet! To stay in my body with this!

I’m finding more delight in my body!

Delightful invitations…receiving information from my body in her cycle, vaginal discharge, how it feels to bleed…and how my relationship with these sensations are changing! My appreciation for my bleed. My body working the way she is intended to!

I can feel more and that feels good, there’s awareness and the gratitude for this!

My practise of self touch and how real this is. How many hours I’ve sat with myself, how intentional I have been with this! The healing I’m noticing from this sitting with, exploring, finding gratitude for and the massage of my body! Speaking gratitude to each part of my body has changed me.

A pretty jam packed episode!

Come along for the ride!

Mentioned in this episode —

- Attachment styles - I am ambivalent or disordered

- The Little Stall created by my housemate. @crescent_harvest

- Vata - Ayurveda Medicine/ way of living

Find me —

@the_innermost_ramblings

@the_embodied_space

@iamfiona__