Every day it’s the same except today because today is July 4th! Lady Liberty’s b-day! The old gal don’t look a day over 30! And you’re ready to celebrate Lady Lib’s birthday in style, for just last night you took a ride out past the county line to procure yourself an assortment of fireworks. You got firecrackers, black cats, bobcats, zipperheads, wailing wheels, poppers, felchers, sparklers and, your favorite, roman candles. You light the first Roman candle from a safe distance…it doesn’t catch. You move in closer to light it again; this time the wick catches fire but burns out at the base of the presumably faulty firework. You pick up the Roman candle. You peer into it as if it were a periscope. Suddenly a blast of scorching hot fire breaks free from the candle and goes right into your left eye, effectively melting it. You scream. You cry. You gnash your teeth. You are given superpowers!!! Just kidding, your left eye is permanently blinded and you have to wear an eye patch to work every day and your coworkers give you a new nickname: buttpirate. But, hey, at least you have W3 Thr33 Tr0lls to keep you company as you eat your lunch alone for the rest of your miserable life!