Work's back and your January has been about as productive as Clive was in parliament.

D###heads on Facebook spruiking triple j songs you have never even heard of and endless bloody cricket: it’s time to take five, scrap the nonsense and strap in for a pow wow with Ken.

Like Coleen's mobile home, you’ll be blown away by our recount of all things Australiana. Get rid of that pork on your fork, ken’ll take cow thanks (the cash cow that is).