The Crate and Crowbar

Episode 303: The Liquid Beard Conundrum


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Tom, Chris, Alex and Marsh rejoice in the return of Half-Life, coo at the UI of Unity of Command II, marvel at the muddle of Death Stranding and spark up our Good Hot Swords in Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order.

This episode is brought to you in association with The People’s Lidl Rum David Bowie Orchestra.

  • Half-Life: Alyx! HOLY SHIT!
  • Half-Life 2 was released in 2004, as Alex said. What a wise and ancient creature he is.
  • Tom F has actually playtested Half-Life: Alyx and somehow didn’t tell anybody in an act of superhuman discretion.
  • Geoff Keighley’s interview with some of the Half-Life: Alyx team! Robin Walker’s beard is nice, isn’t it? Velvety.
  • Incredibly clean-looking, supply-line-focused strategy game Unity of Command II. The UI is the bees knees.
  • It was designed by Tomislav Uzelac – who is not Polish but Croation. He did make AMP though! Blimey!
  • Unpicking Kojima’s wank dream, Death Stranding: camp from a different dimension.
  • It’s not actually a very spoilery talk – but Tom does pick up on some big themes that are probably improved if the delivery of them is unknown to the player. If you want to skip it, we start talking more generally about the game at 43:47
  • The Mandalorian: a bold return to the aesthetic of the western or samurai movie for an internet-telly show in which BEEP is BEEP.
  • Ad Astra was directed by James Gray.
  • Other films we mention that I can’t be bothered to link: Chris Nolan’s The Dark Knight and Dunkirk, Michael Mann’s Heat.
  • Middle-distanceman Broodman Sad-Dad, Mark Rylance is a fabulous actor. He was very sad about plague and Henry VIII’s roving peen in Wolf Hall and did a lot of melancholic rumination. The book is absooooluuuutely aaaamaaaazing, with one of the most richly drawn protagonists committed to paper.
  • Get this man a full bowl of M&M’s and clean hair.
  • Much chat there is about Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order. I know I gripe a lot, but I like it. I mean, it might not have the optimal wookie-tech but its Good Hot Sword makes it a great 6/10.
  • FINE. It’s a 7.
  • Or an 8. But you can keep the fuckin’ ponchos, alright?
  • Cosmic treasure Werner Herzog.
  • Why are we talking about birds now? Why is any of this happening?
  • Garth Merenghi’s Dark Place is v good and I miss it.
  • Oh christ, please end.

    You can hang out with us and our community on our Discord channel. If you have a question for a future episode, send it to us at [email protected] or tweet us @crateandcrowbar. You can also listen to it on YouTube, and subscribe to our YouTube channel, if you like.

    The Crate and Crowbar is kindly funded by our Patreon backers. If you’d like to know more about supporting our podcast and its spinoffs, click here.

    Our intro music is by The Mandibles from their track Clambake. Many of the band members now tour as Count Bobo And The Bullion.

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