Sometimes talkin' real fast is the same as enlightenment, especially when you're extremely sleep-deprived and possibly living in a fallout shelter because the cult you're in is definitely sure there's gonna be a nuclear war any day now. This was certainly the case with the Church Universal and Triumphant, a bunch of weirdos in Montana. Today they go up against J.Z. Knight and Ramtha, a power duo consisting of a drunk person who "channels" a "35,000-year-old" "Lemurian warrior" who lives in rural Washington and is "definitely not a con artist and a huge fucking fraud." In local news, Brian is on steroids.