Setting boundaries is so important for your well-being, but it can be hard, especially if you are a people pleaser. Thanks to our guest in this episode, Rachel Ann Dine, MA, LPC, LMHC, we get some clear steps on how to start working on healthy boundaries and being assertive in communicating them. While she doesn't hide the fact that it's hard setting boundaries and not something that you'll be good at overnight, she stresses that this work is crucial for your health - mentally, physically and emotionally.

In the "You Want Me To Do What??" section, Nicole and Shanna talk about their journeys in setting boundaries and how they are very much works in progress when it comes to boundaries. So if you haven't been great at setting boundaries in the past (or are still wondering what the hell boundaries are), this episode will show you that it's a journey, and you can start now.

 

Episode Recap: Interview with Rachel Ann Dine, MA, LPC, LMHC - 1:59, "You Want Me To Do What??" section - 41:50

 

Highlights:

• Rachel Ann is a counselor in private practice with over 15 years in the mental health field along with being a podcaster and author
• Setting healthy boundaries means that you create a  safe place where you feel content & secure mentally, physically and emotionally
• When setting boundaries ask yourself:
• • What am I going to tolerate?
  • What are my non-negotiables?
• Another important aspect of healthy boundaries is being able to assert those boundaries to the people in your life, including yourself
• Rachel Ann recommends this process for establishing healthy boundaries:
• • Take 15 minutes to evaluate where you are spending your time & energy
  • Review & ask yourself: 1. Are these things working for me? 2. Are they taking & not giving back?
  • Develop a script to communicate your boundaries so you are prepared when it comes time to assert yourself
• If you are trying to set a boundary and someone pushes back, remember your intention (why are you setting your boundary?), go back to your script of your boundary, AND get comfortable with silence (no need to overexplain or justify yourself)
• Being comfortable with setting boundaries isn't going to happen overnight
• • Keep at it
  • Lean into your "why" for setting the boundary
• Assertive Communication is:
• • Owning your statements by using "I" statements
  • How you are physically holding yourself, your posture and your voice
• If you struggle with assertive communication, ask yourself - "since when did voicing how I feel become a negative thing?"
• Rachel Ann recommends that you carve out time every day to check-in with how you are feeling (away from technology), including asking:
• • Am I getting enough sleep?
  • How am I fueling my body?
  • Am I physically active?
• Rachel Ann's Top Three Pieces of Advice:
• • Make sure you carve out a 15 minute meditative session every 3-6 months to reflect on where your life is going and if you are happy
  • Watch how much you are letting fear hold you back
  • Attend to the "Three Pillars of Wellness" - sleep, food/nutrition and physical activity

 

Resources:

Where to find Rachel Ann Dine:

• IG - @rachelanndinecounseling
• Website - https://humanitascounseling-consulting.com/about-rachel-ann-dine-lpc/
• Podcast - The Three L's Podcast https://anchor.fm/rachel-ann-dine
• In Real Life - Humanitas Counseling and Consulting, 816 Greenbrier Circle, Suite 209, Chesapeake, VA 23320
• Book - Live. Learn. Love.: Real-talk tips for the woman who is ready to be her best self https://www.amazon.com/Live-Learn-Love-Real-talk-woman-ebook/dp/B07NJBLLSB

 

Book Rachel Ann mentions on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy - DBT Skills Training by Marsha Linehan https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=DBT+skills+training&qid=1600651016&sr=8-4