CW: This episode of the podcast has a content warning for descriptions of acute mental distress and suicidal ideation

My original plan for this episode was to talk about what recovery looks and feels like. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised that in order to do the subject of recovery justice, I needed to dive deep into what I've been recovering from.

I remembered that I had some diaries from one of the periods when I was most unwell. I'd had good intentions of documenting what I was experiencing because it felt strange and alien; I was undergoing several changes to my medication and the effects (and side-effects) were at times alarming. 

So this, shorter, episode mostly comprises some entries from diaries from July to December, 2016. Nearly two years down the road it's extremely gratifying to see that I went through that and came out the other side. It was a long and tough slog, for sure, but here I am: newly discharged from Community Mental Health Team care and celebrating the fact that this little podcast has had over 1200 downloads to date!

As I mentioned above, this episode has a content warning due to the extreme levels of distress I was experiencing. It's honest and raw and I understand that it won't be for everyone; that's fine - but please stay tuned for Part Two which will focus on what I did (and didn't do) to move from that dark and desperate place to where I am today.