[Explicit language]

Two movies titled Fortress enter, only one will leave (with that title) as Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis, David Vitrano, and Robert Rau watch a school of kids turn into vicious murderers — and Christopher Lambert break the law by being too fertile — to determine which one should be called Fortress.

Australians are cavalier about a lot of scary things, like spiders, crocodiles, and skin cancer. Turns out kidnapping is also just another day in the park for a small rural school class and their teacher. Four dudes in nightmare-inducing masks kidnap the town’s supply of children, and the class treats it like learning common core. It doesn’t help that the experience just makes them more efficient killing machines. The only issue is the title doesn’t work because no one is trapped or protected by a heavily fortified, man-made structure.

However, the Christopher Lambert movie is in nothing-but-impenetrable compounds, as he and his wife are locked up for trying to have a baby in a future that is totally cool with incarcerating people for that sort of thing. It doesn’t help that Red Forman has the hots for Lambert’s wife, and proves his love by turning his brain to mush. You also get tons of over-the-top gross stuff thanks to director Stuart Gordon, and plenty of over-the-top acting stuff from Jeffrey Combs.

Which will get to keep its name, and which will get a cleverly thought-out name by David? Listen if you dare.

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Do you have an idea or even want to join the “There Can Be Only One” gang at their next viewing party? Email Robert Rau with your movie suggestion, the days you’re free to watch, and how much beer you can bring.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

 

Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

* Executive Producer: Jeremy White