We’ve only come to this conclusion 70 to 90 times on the show, but did you know that a lot of cults are basically just outlets for white Boomer men to plaster over their obvious insecurities? You did, huh? Yeah. 

Well, you’re already here, so why not learn about two more of them? Today’s white guys are Gabriel of Urantia, who has a “University” in “Arizona,” which may not even be a real state, and John “Tubby” Miller, who I guess decided he actually wanted other people to call him that. “The University of Ascension Science & the Physics of Rebellion” squares off this week against, I swear to god, “The Gentle Wind.”

Huhuh. Huhuh. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh. Huhuhuh. Huhuh. Huh.