The Trust Factor

Episode 43 - Spiritual Co-Signers: Why Your Rebuke Shouldn't Leave Bruises


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Have you ever struggled with how to approach someone who's made a mistake or strayed from the path? The delicate art of rebuke is at the heart of this week's Trust Factor, where we explore a profound Torah teaching that changes everything about how we correct others.

When we see fellow Jews transgressing, Torah tells us we have an obligation to speak up—we're "arevim zelaze," spiritual co-signers for one another. But the very next verse delivers a crucial warning: "V'lo tisa alav chet"—don't bear sin on their account. This beautiful juxtaposition reveals something essential about correction: our approach determines whether we're helping or harming.

The deeper interpretation teaches us not to "raise the sin above the person." Rather than putting people down to highlight their wrongdoing ("How could you do something so terrible?"), we're called to lift them up by reminding them of their true character and potential ("I know this doesn't align with who you really are"). The difference is transformative. One approach risks shutting people down; the other creates space for genuine change and growth.

This wisdom becomes particularly vital in parenting. Children absorb our approach to imperfection and correction like sponges. When we consistently respond to their mistakes with criticism that diminishes rather than uplifts, we risk causing lasting harm. Instead, we must help them recognize their innate goodness and capacity to grow beyond momentary failures.

Perhaps most beautifully, this teaching reflects God's own approach to our repentance. When we sincerely return to Him, He doesn't merely forgive—He transforms our very stumbles into merit. It's like walking into court with a $1000 fine and walking out with a $1000 reward. That's the miracle of teshuvah, where even our mistakes become catalysts for deeper connection.

How might your relationships transform if you approached correction with elevation rather than condemnation? Listen now, and join us in exploring this compassionate path toward helping others—and ourselves—become who we're truly meant to be.

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The Trust FactorBy Jessy Revivo

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