In which we acclimate to sensitive new headphones and discuss birthday dinners, sniping the last economy ticket on a flight, Easter bonanza tug-o-wars, a yogurt-gate scandal in a shared fridge and the ensuing case for reparations, new benches, the power of munching raw garlic, the new papacy, the cursed age-old question of gorillas vs humans, pulse-checking chatGPT’s gaydar, and arguments against steroids.