movie, how to use writing to make people like you, how to make

money with a useless college major, how to do a perfect Vincent

D'Onofrio impression, how to enjoy "Batman vs. Superman," how to

get noticed as a freelancer, how to tell the difference between a

critique and a review, and how to get hired by Roger Ebert. Then we

invite Simon to crush us in a few rounds of Movie Pong.