If the idea of being hit by a train somehow excites you then Graffiti might be the shit hobby for you. If you’re less of a thrill-seeker you could try getting mop recommendations from your Facebook mother’s group. Or, if you like to showcase your wealth you could buy a watch, even though your phone tells the time.

Lots of shit hobbies this week, including dickhead footballers being slapped with a wet lettuce as punishment for doing something that wasn’t even illegal. Make up your mind Collingwood.