As far as I'm concerned, greeting cards are just super short, stupid books. On the flip side, I've never owned a book that could play low-quality clips of popular songs. So maybe books are just overly long, unnecessarily quiet greeting cards?
Episode ingredients: Sneeze Styles, Sweeten Your Lawn, Dracula Deadbeat and Loving It, Fake A Book, Hoof Moof, 5-ish Minute D&D, and Can Someone Please Argue Now?