I had an episode planned for this week, and thought about continuing that plan. I considered putting myself on Mute, and saying nothing this week in support of the blackout for Black Lives Matters. Then I saw a friend’s post, where she said that instead of muting ourselves (as in, we white people) entirely, we should just be pausing our content and using our platforms to educate our white friends about systemic racism and how we can HELP our friends in the black community. I don’t think anyone could be at this point, but if you are unaware of what is happening currently in the United States… yet ANOTHER black man has been killed in by the police.  A man named George Floyd was murdered senselessly in the streets of Minneapolis, while 3 other police stood by, stopped anyone from interfering or saving his life. The officer kneeled on his neck, until life left his body, and then offered no medical treatment. This man’s quote unquote “crime” was paying for his purchase at a local grocery store with a counterfeit $20 bill.  He leaves behind many friends and family, and a little girl named Gianna who is all of 6 years old. This is horrifying, and should be shocking but at this point it has happened SO MANY TIMES that it didn’t shock me at all. And it shouldn’t shock you either.

Protests have cropped up not only all over America, but all over the world to show support and solidarity, and many of us are left feeling helpless or wondering what on earth we CAN do to make an impact and drive change. I want to talk about some of the ways we can do this, and I am hoping for real change. .

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As a white woman, I want to start out by saying I may not get this right – but I am going to try my best. In the past I have made mistakes – thinking that something I was saying or doing was helpful to POC only to find out that I was wrong. I’m going to do my best to share the information I have gathered through reading, watching and listening and I am going to keep working to do better in future – there is always room for improvement. In the past few days my husband, my black husband for the record, has actually gotten calls from white friends asking what the right thing to say or do is, because they feel like no matter what they do they are getting it wrong and someone is getting mad. His answer was basically “there is no right thing. Just be yourself, and do your best” This can be tough to swallow, because we always want to get things right and live in a fairly perfectionistic society - but it is pretty accurate. People process trauma differently, and right now the black community is experiencing and reliving YEARS, GENERATIONS, of trauma. What one person might find helpful or supportive might be offensive to others – and they are all entitled to process in their own way. As a white person who is genuinely trying to help it can feel really awful when you are told you are doing it wrong. It can make you want to stop trying, to stop stepping up. It can make you feel like you just shouldn’t say anything at all – but then of course you get called out for silence. It’s hard. But right now isn’t about us – it is about supporting another community who is suffering. So let’s try our very best to be open to criticism, critique and to learning new methods. Let’s be open to the opinions of the people we are trying to help and hear them when they express what they need. Addressing our privilege can be uncomfortable, but it will be worth it. So here are some of the things that I have learned and want to pass along to help anyone out there who is trying to learn, to listen and to support: First…  The fact that you have been friends with, work with, dated, are married to or have children with a black person does not give you an automatic pass as a non-racist.   I once accidentally blew up my entire Mommy group getting into it with a racist woman who had NO IDEA that she was in fact racist, and used the fact that her ex was black to defend herself.