[Explicit language]

Two movies titled The Defender enter, only one will leave (with that title) as Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis, Knick Moore, and Robert Rau watch Dolph Lundgren work for President Jerry Springer — and Jet Li work towards a united Chinese republic— to determine which movie should be called The Defender.

Dolph Lundgren is a really smart, really handsome man who thinks this is all you need to direct a movie. So he flew some guys and squibs to Romania and shot a tale of an agent forced to protect a bad guy because Jerry Springer told him. Other than being horrible, it features little defending, and instead prefers to show Dolph and his gang of expendables getting shot a lot. Plus, the guy they needed to protect died.

The second movie is one of Jet Li’s lesser known efforts that China initially banned because it didn’t have enough pro-China stuff. Sure, there’s a kid getting shot because he wore LED light shoes, but what about their positive foreign relations? So they took a simple story of a guy guarding a girl and threw a big red flag behind it. This film also failed to show any defending, mainly because you want Jet Li on the offense.

Will either movie be able to keep its title, or be forced to change its name to a string of obscenities Knick uttered? Listen if you dare.

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Do you have an idea or even want to join the “There Can Be Only One” gang at their next viewing party? Email Robert Rau with your movie suggestion, the days you’re free to watch, and how much beer you can bring.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

 

Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

* Executive Producer: Jeremy White