Jan De Bont's attempt to rock the boat has made us seasick; we're

getting to grips with part two of Sequel Season, it's 1997's slow-as-molasses

misfire Speed 2: Cruise Control!

We're talking Sandra Bullock's lobotomy between this and

Speed 1, whether Willem Dafoe makes a good bad guy, the grindingly slow

"action" on screen, and UB40's guest appearance as the whole films

runs aground with unlikeable characters, dull set-pieces and more VNP Hall of

Famers you can shake a stick at.

Think worse things have happened at sea? You owe it to

yourself to hear us talk through this sequel snoozer.