Welcome back to another evening in the parlor. This episode of Absurd Truths & Blatant Lies is a particularly crowded affair, featuring a one very BIG Blatant Lie and one small Truth so Absurd it feels like a tall tale. We peel back the velvet curtains of the mind to explore the “neurotic chorus” that keeps the furniture moving while the rest of us try to sleep.

In This Episode

Tonight, we navigate the “geometry of a trap” through the tragic, shimmering rise and fall of Silas Montgomery Thorne. From the “Swamp-Soul” neon of 1970s variety television to the salt dirt of Beaufort, this is a story of a wedding, a whirlwind, and the mud that was waiting for us both.

* The Blatant Lie: The saga of Silas Montgomery Thorne—the baritone who sounded like a shovel hitting wet clay—is entirely fictional.

* The Absurd Truth: The harrowing account of a “Great Unpleasantness” involving an MS-related suicide attempt following a reaction to medication is, tragically, the truth.

* A Note on the Voice: We aren’t quite sure why S.M. Beaumont sounds more like Truman Capote than Tennessee Williams this evening. We would blame the hospital-grade steroids, but since it’s an electronic voice, your guess is as good as ours.

Lowcountry Lore & Fact Check

To help you separate the moss from the marble, here is a guide to the world of tonight’s story:

* Carolina Gold: This is the legendary “long-grain” heirloom rice of the South Carolina Lowcountry.

* Real Organizations: Both the St. Cecilia Society and the Cotillion Club are historic, real-world Charleston institutions.

* Historic Landmarks: The Hibernian Hall, where Savannah made their debut, is a very real landmark on Meeting Street.

* Fictional Societies: The Matrons of Carolina Gold are a creation of the Beaumont imagination—a “closed fortress” of fictional matriarchs.

Support & Resources

Because this episode touches on the heavy realities of alcoholism and mental health crises, we want to offer the following resources:

* Seeking Help: If you or a loved one are struggling with alcohol or substance use, please reach out to a professional or a support group. Recovery is possible.

* Suicide Prevention: If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) in the US.

* Youth Support: Younger listeners can also reach out to the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678.

* Support for MS: As we continue to navigate the challenges of Multiple Sclerosis, we encourage you to support your local MS charity to help fund research and provide services for those living with Multiple Sclerosis.

Special Thanks

A flamboyant thank you to Mrs. Beaumont’s Common-Law Husband for not actually wandering off into the pines. We are eternally grateful that he chose to roll out from under the davenport and lay the silver for this evening’s feast.

Until the next time the moss parts, darlings... do try to stay out of the mud.

The Original Music, like most everything here, was created via Gemini using Lyria 3. I don’t know why Gemini made a point of saying this, but since he did…..All tracks generated with this tool include SynthID watermarking, which is an invisible-to-the-ear digital tag that identifies the audio as AI-generated for safety and transparency.

Y’al comeback! You hear?

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