In this episode of the parenting manual we discuss how and why we ask for feedback from our kids. Has this ever happened to you? You go out to a nice restaurant with some friends or coworkers. The server comes over, takes your order, goes back, brings out your food, and not even 60 seconds later, that same server comes back and asks you, how’s your food? And of course, they’ve probably timed that question as soon as you’ve just filled your mouth with your first bite of food.

Summary and Quotes

[00:00:30] – Reflexive response

[00:03:36] – Opening dialogue, earned respect

[00:04:13] – Interview with my kid (at age 6)

Quotes from the Episode:

“I’m very aware off the ability of young kids to be very impressionable. So I try my best to ask questions that are not leading questions because I’m very, I’m very aware that it’s possible for me to install opinions in my head, in my children.” [00:17:41]

Transcript continues below

The restaurant server’s response is reflexive… a better way that would result not only in a better customer experience, but also in more actionable information for the business would of course, be for the server to come back as soon as the, the food has been delivered and ask, “is everything to your liking?” But then also to return at the end of the meal and say something like this.

“Our goal here is to continually improve not only with my job as a server, but also the back of the house. They’re really interested in making sure you have a good experience here. So could I ask you, what was your favorite thing about the buffet here today? And then they’d ask what would be one thing that you’d like to see more of or that you thought was missing now?”

This is great because it’s helping set up the customer to usefully answer that question. They’re not asking you to rate something on some Likert scale of “very good, good, neutral, bad, really bad.” This way is conversational. The information the server receives from the customer can be translated into action. That can help to improve the business.

Why am I talking about this? Well, I started doing something very similar with my, yeah, as soon as he could talk so when he could start responding back to me, it was probably about two and I asked him how I could be a better dad, what would I need to do. To improve as a dad. And I would ask him something very similar I’d say, “Hey, what is the best thing that you like about me as a dad, what am I doing best?”

And then I’d ask him, “what’s one thing that you’d like to see me do a better job at as a dad?” And of course the language was different when he was quite a bit younger, but you get the point. And so I want to right now share one of these sessions with him. This is the first time that my son. Has been in front of a microphone.

So he was kind of excited about that. And, and, and, he was very candid, as you will see in his answers about what I could be doing a better job at and also what he enjoys about me. So, he’s six right now, just to give you a sense of this. So he’s been doing this for maybe about two or three years.

You know, we don’t do it all the time. Maybe. Once a month or so, we’ll, we’ll connect and we’ll have a little session like this. It’s not something that I write down or take notes on, but what it does is it really opens up that dialogue and it gives him an opportunity to know that I, I have room for improvement because we’re really focused on practice here.

We’re not focused on positional authority so much as we are earned respect. through competence, through practice. So with that being said, I’m going to let you listen to.