The Notion of You

Episode 7: The Embarrassing Truth About Self-Sabotage

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How to Stop Self-Sabotage and Rebuild Self-Trust Before the New Year

Episode Snapshot: If you’re ending the year feeling numb, disconnected, or stuck in habits you wish you could change, you’re not broken. In this episode, we explore how to stop self-sabotage by replacing shame with awareness and rebuilding self-trust from the inside out.

What You’ll Learn about Self-Sabotage
  • What self-sabotage really is and why it’s not a personal failure
  • How shame keeps women stuck in self-sabotaging habits
  • The connection between nervous system protection and self-sabotage
  • How to stop self-sabotage by tracking patterns with compassion

    • Key Moments in This Episode

    0:00 Opening grounding and creating a shame-free space
    2:25 The quiet habits that made me disconnect from myself
    5:02 What self-sabotage really is and why it once kept you safe
    7:25 Why shame freezes change and curiosity restores choice
    12:27 A gentle practice to track one habit and listen to what it’s asking for

    The Lesson
    • Section One: What Self-Sabotage Really Means: Self-sabotage is not self-destruction. It is self-protection that has outlived its usefulness. Many of our habits were once intelligent coping mechanisms. Learning how to stop self-sabotage begins with recognizing that these patterns were formed to keep you safe.
    • Section Two: Why Shame Keeps You in the Loop: Shame contracts the body and reinforces the very behaviors you’re trying to change. When you believe you are the problem, you stop observing the pattern. Releasing shame creates space for awareness, which is the first step in how to stop self-sabotage.
    • Section Three: Common Patterns of Self-Sabotage: Avoidance. Over-researching instead of deciding. Numbing through scrolling or busyness. Perfectionism. Over-functioning for others. These patterns are signs of disconnection, not weakness.
    • Section Four: How to Stop Self-Sabotage Gently: Instead of forcing change, begin tracking one habit without judgment. Notice what you were feeling before it happened. Ask what need it was trying to meet. This compassionate awareness disrupts the cycle more effectively than discipline ever could.
    • Section Five: Rebuilding Self-Trust Before the New Year: As the year closes, you don’t need another resolution. You need reconnection. Self-trust is rebuilt through small, safe moments of honesty. Awareness is not passive. It is courageous.
      • Quote Worth Remembering "You cannot hate yourself into becoming someone new. You can only love yourself into remembering who you already are.”

      This episode is part of the Natural Alignment framework. A four-step method to regulate your nervous system, reconnect to your intuition, realign your identity, and rebuild self trust. → Read the full framework here.

      Listen to Steal my Calm System Next

      Links & Resources

      • First, grab my free Scattered to Steady Workbook– it’s the exact framework I use when life feels chaotic.
      • Then, if you want the full transformation, check out my ebook Return to Wholeness – 45 pages of practices, oil pairings, and guided rituals. 
        • Listen to Episode 7 and begin tracking one habit this week without judgment. If you’re ready for deeper support, explore Return to Wholeness and close the year from a grounded place.
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        The Notion of YouBy Systems & Self Trust |Tashi J| Natural Alignment