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Episode #72 The 2-Minute Pause That Ends People-Pleasing (Especially as a Parent)
If you’ve ever said “I’m easy—whatever you want” while your body is silently bracing… this episode is for you.
In this conversation, Landy Peek sits down with coach Helen Bryer to unpack what people-pleasing actually looks like in real life—especially in parenting—why “just set boundaries” often doesn’t work, and how to shift patterns without going too big too fast.
This isn’t about becoming someone who’s harsh, selfish, or “bad at being kind.” It’s about learning the truth: people-pleasing isn’t your personality—it’s a safety strategy your nervous system learned. And what you learned, you can unlearn.
Together, Landy and Helen explore the overlooked bridge between head knowledge and real-world change: building safety in the body, practicing micro-steps, and restoring self-trust through tiny promises you actually keep.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
Why people-pleasing often shows up as freezing, not just “being nice”
The surprisingly common fear underneath it all: “What if I get it wrong?”
How people-pleasing can intensify once you become a parent—especially when you’re trying not to pass it on
The difference between being kind and being compliant—and why it’s not “either/or”
The most practical starting point Helen teaches: the pause
Why nervous system tools work best when you’re already okay (not only in crisis)
How small self-promises (yes, even drinking water) rebuild self-trust and boundary capacity
The cycle-breaking conversation nobody wants to have: how society trains “good girls/good boys” to comply—and how to parent differently with grace
Key takeaways:
People-pleasing is learned. It made sense at the time. It helped you stay safe.
Boundaries aren’t a script problem—they’re a safety problem. If your body doesn’t feel safe, your mouth won’t cooperate.
Start smaller than you think. “Two minutes” can be a revolution.
You can be a generous, supportive person without abandoning yourself.
The pause is power. You don’t owe an immediate yes—by text, email, phone, or in person.
Try this today (the simplest shift):
Before you respond to a request—an invite, a favor, an email—take a 2-minute pause.
Not to force a “no.” Just to check in: What do I want? What do I need? What’s true for me?
Then respond from that place.
About Helen Bryer
Helen Bryer is a coach who supports people-pleasers—especially women and parents—who are ready to stop centering everyone else and start building safety, self-trust, and sustainable boundaries.
Connect with Helen
Website: https://www.helenbryer.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/helen.bryer/
Free resource + support tools
Free guided audio journey: The Soft No — a gentle starting point if boundaries feel too scary
Tapping bundle: Five EFT routines for common people-pleasing scenarios—especially helpful during guilt spirals, overwhelm, or the “I can’t say no” moment
If this episode hit home…
Share it with the friend who’s always “fine,” always helpful, always holding it all together.
And if you’re listening thinking, “This is me, and I’m ready to shift,” start with one tiny promise today—and keep it.
View all episodes
By Landy PeekIf you’ve ever said “I’m easy—whatever you want” while your body is silently bracing… this episode is for you.
In this conversation, Landy Peek sits down with coach Helen Bryer to unpack what people-pleasing actually looks like in real life—especially in parenting—why “just set boundaries” often doesn’t work, and how to shift patterns without going too big too fast.
This isn’t about becoming someone who’s harsh, selfish, or “bad at being kind.” It’s about learning the truth: people-pleasing isn’t your personality—it’s a safety strategy your nervous system learned. And what you learned, you can unlearn.
Together, Landy and Helen explore the overlooked bridge between head knowledge and real-world change: building safety in the body, practicing micro-steps, and restoring self-trust through tiny promises you actually keep.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
Why people-pleasing often shows up as freezing, not just “being nice”
The surprisingly common fear underneath it all: “What if I get it wrong?”
How people-pleasing can intensify once you become a parent—especially when you’re trying not to pass it on
The difference between being kind and being compliant—and why it’s not “either/or”
The most practical starting point Helen teaches: the pause
Why nervous system tools work best when you’re already okay (not only in crisis)
How small self-promises (yes, even drinking water) rebuild self-trust and boundary capacity
The cycle-breaking conversation nobody wants to have: how society trains “good girls/good boys” to comply—and how to parent differently with grace
Key takeaways:
People-pleasing is learned. It made sense at the time. It helped you stay safe.
Boundaries aren’t a script problem—they’re a safety problem. If your body doesn’t feel safe, your mouth won’t cooperate.
Start smaller than you think. “Two minutes” can be a revolution.
You can be a generous, supportive person without abandoning yourself.
The pause is power. You don’t owe an immediate yes—by text, email, phone, or in person.
Try this today (the simplest shift):
Before you respond to a request—an invite, a favor, an email—take a 2-minute pause.
Not to force a “no.” Just to check in: What do I want? What do I need? What’s true for me?
Then respond from that place.
About Helen Bryer
Helen Bryer is a coach who supports people-pleasers—especially women and parents—who are ready to stop centering everyone else and start building safety, self-trust, and sustainable boundaries.
Connect with Helen
Website: https://www.helenbryer.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/helen.bryer/
Free resource + support tools
Free guided audio journey: The Soft No — a gentle starting point if boundaries feel too scary
Tapping bundle: Five EFT routines for common people-pleasing scenarios—especially helpful during guilt spirals, overwhelm, or the “I can’t say no” moment
If this episode hit home…
Share it with the friend who’s always “fine,” always helpful, always holding it all together.
And if you’re listening thinking, “This is me, and I’m ready to shift,” start with one tiny promise today—and keep it.