It’s the stuff movies are made of, but it was the real life experience for Chris Ducham when he was only 14 years old. His mother was murdered by someone he knew and his life was turned upside down by grief, anger, and a sense of loneliness like he’d never known. It wasn’t just the pain from his mother’s cruel death but also the pain of being spurned by others who didn’t know how to handle their own feelings of insecurity and awkwardness in being around him. On this episode of Crank It Up, David brings an older interview out of the archives to help us understand the power of forgiveness and the need to live above our hurts.

Drug Use, Despair and Loneliness.

After his mother was murdered, 14 year old Chris Ducham spiraled into a world of emotional depression. It wasn’t long before he was abusing substances and running with the wrong crowd. Then he even felt out of place in that crowd and furthered his self destructive new habits on his own. He contemplated suicide on more than one occasion. On this episode you’ll get to hear Chris’ explanation of how he came out of that dark time and how he intentionally moved through some of the hardest things a person could face, so that he could come out on the other side whole.

4 hours in a prison cell with his mother’s murderer.

Chris Duchon was trying to find ways to deal with the grief he had been living in after his mother’s murder, and a person he knew introduced him to a group that arranged for meetings between victims and those who had perpetrated the crimes against them. The intention was to enable both sides of the equation to confront the things that were holding them back from moving on with a better life. Chris was afraid, but decided to take that bold step. You’ll get to hear Chris’ explanation of what happened during that 4 hour conversation and the impact it had on his healing.

You wouldn’t think that when someone close to you is murdered, you will become an outcast.

But it happens more than you would believe. Chris Duchon says that people don’t intend to be cruel or unkind, but they find themselves feeling awkward or unsure about how to be with a victim of such a terrible crime, so they wind up pulling away or keeping their distance. The result is that the victim, the very person who needs support, love, and good relational support, ends up being the one who is ostracized from society. You can hear how Chris has worked with organizations to help victims push through the loneliness they so often feel, on this episode.

Learning to be more connected and open, regardless what you’ve been through.

Chris Duchon says that one of the things he’s learned from having to walk through the dark grief after his mother’s murder is that people everywhere need to learn how to regularly open up to someone else, to bare their souls and help bear the weight of someone else’s grief and need. Growing in our ability to be open and connected will help us find and accept the support we need when the times of hardship and grief do come our way. This is a powerful story that will inspire you, so take the time to listen.

Outline of this great episode

[1:50] David’s introduction and the introduction of his guest Chris Duchon.

[2:26] The murder of Chris’ mother when he was 14 years old, and how it impacted him.

[4:03] Falling into drug use and loneliness.

[5:35] What Chris discovered he had to do with the pain and anger he felt.

[9:02] How Christ came to go to the prison to speak to his mother’s murderer.

[14:40] The roles Chris plays in the organizations he’s working with now.

[17:23] Is it common for victims to become outcasts?

[21:16] Using experiences to talk about grief and loss.

[24:00] How Chris walked through the process of forgiveness.

[31:21] Chris’ words for everyday people about being more connected and open.

[40:12] The big awards Chris has won.