It’s a supersized, double episode of Hell in a Cellphone! Hometown hero Shawn Michaels and Taco Bell invite you to San Antonio for the yearly Royal Rumble. We argue 1997 awful vs WWF awful in Hunter Hearst Helmsley’s continuing saga with Goldust, Ahmed Johnson has a hungry butt, and a future hall of famer gets his first Rumble victory . . . kind of.

Theme song “There Are Traitors in Our Midst” by Disco Vietnam

Art by Alexis Yavne