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EPS: 5 - Learning to Heal from the Inside Out with Elyse Conroy
Podcast Show Notes - Episode 5
Episode title: EPS: 5 - Learning to Heal from the Inside Out with Elyse Conroy
Episode summary introduction: On today’s show, we bring on our guest speaker and Life Coach, Elyse Conroy. Elyse has a burning passion for helping women heal themselves from the inside out. She teaches us how to get comfortable being alone with our thoughts so we can start to process why we believe the things we do. She also shares with us her meditation practice and how we can easily incorporate meditation into our busy lives.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Elyse on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/yoursoulmakeup/
- Elyse’s CAN Program: https://soulmakeup.com/pages/soulmakeupcanprogram
- Elyse on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/yoursoulmakeup/
Episode transcript:
Elyse:
There might be something going on your ex boyfriend might've said something to you, your boss might have said something to you that made you feel less than so that's our circumstance, right? And now what you've done is you've adopted the thought I'm not good enough. So you feel like a failure. You feel like you're always in doubt, you feel ashamed of yourself. So when you take action, what's going to happen when you go to get a result, it's going to show up in a profound way. So we need to get to that point where we're actually getting to the root before you create a feeling about it. So we really need to empower ourselves to figure out why we're thinking, what we're thinking. So what I do is I dive deep and get to the bottom of where that thought came from in the first place.
Kamille:
Welcome to the Abundant Entrepreneur Podcast. I'm your host, Kamille Cawley, two time business owner, fitness expert, connection strategist, creator of The Abundant Entrepreneur Summit, wife, And fur mom. Each week, these episodes are filled with stories, strategies, and expertise given by guests entrepreneurs from all across the world, as well as bonus episodes, from me, that will energize, empower and support you in your journey through entrepreneurship. Get ready to elevate your vibe and captivate your tribe. It's time we connect to our message, step into who we are truly meant to be, and become more abundant in life and business. Who is with me? Let's get started. Alright guys, we are back and I am with my good friend Elyse. Hi Elyse, thank you for coming on today. You have no idea how excited I am to have you here.
Elyse:
I am so excited to be here. This has been the highlight of my week. I've been counting down.
Kamille:
Seriously. We booked this so long ago but we met each other at a women's event and became so close it was such an amazing moment. Elyse and I were on stage so it was something that we really connected on and I'm so glad to finally have her on. But Elyse is a life coach and she really works on healing women within and she just has such an amazing background. So I am going to let you tell everyone about you Elyse.
Elyse:
So I am Elyse Conroy, and I'm a life coach based in LA, and I got into this business because I have a burning passion in my heart to help women heal from the inside out. So my background is actually in the beauty industry. I was bullied as a kid and I got a huge, huge refuge through makeup. So I, that was my own personal world. I felt like if I can paint my face on, maybe people are gonna like me, okay. That did not work. So let's actually make it my career. For 15 years, I was on a mission trying to help people create products. I created products to help people feel good about themselves from the outside in, I worked my way up to the top of Estee Lauder. I was the global product development for Smashbox cosmetics. It was amazing, but the problem was the products that I was creating were actually solving any problems because the second that the women wash their face, there goes the confidence, there goes to the security. So I really, really, really had this calling to go deeper because I realized myself also through my own personal development, that no matter what we put on our face, no matter what products we're buying, if we're not doing the work from within those bad feelings still surface. And if we're not managing our thoughts and our feelings and taking care of ourselves in the right way, it always comes back and we're not feeling good. So my whole mission was soul makeup is really to teach women through coaching and through retreats, through speaking how to heal from the inside out. Cause we have to create those feelings from within.
Kamille:
Absolutely. That is so amazing. And you guys are, we I've talked about this before, but it really does start with us. You know, we can build a business, we can do everything, all the strategic planning in a business, we can do everything we need to do, but if we're not working on ourselves and we haven't fixed what's going on here, our business is never going to align and fit with who we are. And unfortunately That's not going to fulfill us and it's going to be a problem. So Elyse and I are going to address today some things, some feelings that a lot of us go through, especially I know right now, a lot of you are trying to transition, make changes and we're all adjusting to what's going on. And you know, there are a lot of feelings that come up that are really hard. And I know Elyse had some, a really great thing that she can help you guys. It's the, one of the big things that I hear from a lot of people that reach out to me is that, first of all, obviously it's saturated online is saturated getting online and saturated, but as well, is this feeling of comparison, this feeling of not being good enough to get out there and do whatever it is. I know a lot of my followers are in the fitness industry or coaches, and we feel like there's a million people doing what we're doing, please. I would love it if you could help some people if they're feeling a lot of that. I'm not good enough. I'm not that person. A lot of comparison is out there right now. What would you say? How would you help people that are dealing with those feelings?
Elyse:
Yes. Brilliant question. And I think one thing, and like you said, that comes up for so many of us all the time is I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. I'm not deserving. And we constantly find ourselves in that comparison game where we're looking at the person next to us and thinking they're doing better than me, but we don't actually know how they're doing. We don't know the circumstances. What's on social media is the best part of their life. That's a little snapshots that they're choosing to show us. So I think it's so important to actually dive in and get to the bottom of why you have that thought in the first place. So what I usually challenge my clients to think about is at what point of your life did you start believing that you weren't good enough? Or who told you that you weren't worthy? And I think so many times, like, especially being a woman, we are conditioned by society to always feel less than we're never going to be good enough. Our body's never going to be perfect, no matter how much we do. And like for me coming from makeup, I can put everything I want on my face, but it's still not solving the problem. So what I work with my clients on is getting to the root of why they feel that in the first place. So I want to talk to you guys about a tool that can literally change everything for you and it changed everything for me. When I went on a journey four years ago. So what this is called is the model. And this is what a lot of coaches use to really help you diagnose where your thoughts come from. So with all of this, and I'll walk you guys through and I'll give you guys an example of how this is used, but everything in our life is all based around a circumstance. And a circumstance is essentially just a neutral fact. There's something that's going on. It's something that can hold up in a court of law, right? So what happens is we have a circumstance going on and then we create a thought about the circumstance. Then our mind goes into overdrive, creates a feeling about what we're, what's going on. And the thing is, our feelings are what are going to drive our actions and our results. So we're not going to get the results from the action, it's actually going to be based upon the thoughts that create the feeling to take action from. So if you think about it, if you're taking action from a place of insecurity, taking action from a place of doubt, taking action from a place of lack of confidence, that's going to be very apparent in your results.
Elyse:
So what I love to do and I'll use the example of, I don't feel good enough, right? So there might be something going on. Your ex boyfriend might've said something to you, your boss might have said something to you that made you feel less than so that's our circumstance right now. What you've done is you've adopted the thought I'm not good enough. So you feel like a failure. You feel like you're always in doubt, you feel ashamed of yourself. So when you take action, what's going to happen when you go to get a result? It's going to show up in a profound way. So we need to get to that point where we're actually getting to the root before you create a feeling about it. So we really need to empower ourselves to figure out why we're thinking, what we're thinking. So what I do is I dive deep and get to the bottom of where that thought came from in the first place.
Kamille:
Oh that's tough. I'm thinking of things in my head right now, of course, I'm like, okay, where did mine come from, where did that start?
Elyse:
Yeah. I think something that I always encourage people to do when we're doing this process is try it on, right? So if you feel like a thought, I want to tell myself, I feel super competent today. You're not going to wake up. And all of a sudden confidence just appears, right? It's something that you have to build over time. So what I like to do is I'll create thought swaps for people. So, okay. Does it feel good to say, you know what? I woke up and I feel great, perfect. Let's adapt to that one. So it's like trying it on like clothes, you know, it's like, okay, I'm gonna put this on today. This one didn't feel good. I'm going to change it tomorrow. And you can keep going until you actually build the true belief and the thought, because what is confidence at the end of the day?
Elyse:
It's belief. You know, we create so many illusions about what competence actually is. It's like this mystical unicorn that once I have it, my life's going to be perfect. But unfortunately that's not the way it works. Right? I know it's confidence is just a belief in something, whether it's believe in yourself, believe in your capabilities. So if you're going for this idea of, okay, I want to feel good enough in my own skin, right? Where this is where I really like to go deep. If you want to give me another example, I'll actually walk you through the model. But if you go deep into where that thought came, usually it's in childhood. Usually it was something that was taught by a parent. It was something that a kid said to you. And like I mentioned earlier, like I was bullied really bad. I actually had a child when I was in seventh grade, rub dog shit on my face and tell me all I was ever going to be in life was shit. Right? So guess what? I know. It's awful, like awful. But what happened was I became an adult. Everything I did was shit. Everything was shit. Everything was shit because there was that lingering belief still with me within me, that thought all I was was shit. No matter what I could do, I can never be good enough. So I went hard in my career because I had something to prove, right. I was going to show everybody that I was not shit. But when I walked away from my career, I was left with a puddle of thoughts. And I still felt like shit. So I had everything. I have the six figure salary. I was by continental businesswoman. I had everything, but I still did not have that belief within myself. Right.
Elyse:
So I had to go back and actually do that deep work, using the thought model to get to the bottom of where that came from. Okay. I'm 36. When I went on this mission, it was three years ago. So I was 33. I had no idea that something from seventh grade was still lingering inside of me. And that's what happens to us. We just go through life. When we get busy, who has time to do thought work? I mean, really it's usually not people's priority, but unless you're me because I'm obsessed with it.
Kamille:
I love it. I love it because I need it more.
Elyse:
Let's see for so many people in the fitness industry, right? You're going in competitions, you're going to have to show this perfect body, this amazing aesthetic. But what happens when all of a sudden that thought from seventh grade and somebody telling you that your shit hits you right before you get on stage, you're not going to feel that confidence. And you're going to see it in your body language. You're not going to win that competition because that inner doubt, whether you realize it's there or not, is subconsciously holding you back.
Kamille:
I completely agree. I'm coming from someone that competed. And I, you know, it's funny because I always feel like even though I was very proud of myself because competing is very hard and it takes a lot of willpower and it is damn tiring. I did it while I was working a full time job, as well as going to school. It was crazy I would get up at like 3:30 in the morning, go to the gym. Started work at 5:30. Went to work. Drove myself from Orange County to LA. If you live here in California, that is disastrous. You go to school and then drive back home to work out again because it was a 2 times a day workout. And I know what it takes to put into that. And, you know, I always thought that doing it was going to make me feel more confident before the actual competition, before I found out what place I was in, before I got any feedback from the judges, I felt so good about myself. Like before all of that, I felt so good. You know, I worked my butt off. I looked freaking awesome, I was like no body fat, you know, it was amazing.
Elyse:
Yeah I saw pictures.
Kamille:
But the problem is after stage and after hearing the judges feeling, all of those negative comments seem running back to me. And for me, I am someone that had cancer when I was a kid, I have a huge scar on my left leg. They took out like half of my leg when I was younger. And, you know, I always thought for a long time, you know, I thought that, you know, Oh, you know, I've gotten over that. You know, I played soccer for 18 years on the college and soccer scholarship. Honestly, I thought I had gotten over it because look what I've done and they told me I might not be able to walk and look what I've done. You know? So, and then I realized that day, like the first competition I ever had, like, I just felt so negative. I felt so sad. You know, like I was like so disappointed because they were telling me my legs were too big. You know how longer I'd worked to build muscle on my legs because of what had happened. And the things that they had told me were so negative. And so all those things came running back to me. So I did something to make myself feel more confident on the outside, and it just ruined me more inside. It just made it worse. Again, dealing with those inside issues is such a big deal. I know what Elyse said, is that, you know, obviously you were saying that it's, it's huge to work on the insight. Is there anything that you could tell people say there is a specific thought that they have, maybe their ex boyfriend said, you know, you're ugly, you're stupid. You'll never be anything, whatever it is. Is there something that they can do from that point? They can kind of think, because I know for me, that's something that, like you said, things that kids talked to me when I was younger, that's still affects me or I had to work through what, what is something that they could start doing to kind of maybe bring down those negative thoughts or move them away or change them into more positive thoughts. Please explain what you worked through with them cause I would love to hear that.
Elyse:
Yes, and I think it's such an important question, because so many times, like in our adult life, these things are happening and we don't know why. Right. So I think the biggest part to kick it off is to first become aware. And I think because we live in this world where everything's so fast paced, we're just not conscious, right? Like we're not making conscious decisions. We're not realizing why we're feeling the way that we're feeling. So when you have something that comes up, that's reoccurring all the time, and I'll give you an example. I had a thought for the longest time, and I didn't understand where it came from. And I'm a thick girl. I got curves. And when you got curves, you got cellulite. So I have always resisted my cellulite. I looked at it and I was just completely repulsed by it. Right. And it's like, you got this, you were in fitness. You know, that is just atrocious. If you have any of those dimples back there, right. It doesn't matter how much I'm going to work out, it's my body shape. Like it's always going to be there. So I dove into that and I was like, why do I have so much hatred towards this one area of my body? And it all came back to something that an ex boyfriend had said to me, and what happened was I was sitting there and he actually rubbed his hand on the side of my leg. And he went dimple, dimple, dimple, right. How awful does that feel? And I was maybe 17 years old at the time. And so I realized when I delve into that thought, I'm like, Oh my God, I based my opinion of myself on his opinion of me, I actually don't have an issue with the way that this looks, society might have an issue with it. But I think my body is beautiful. So I started doing something that I hadn't done in a really long time. And that was looking at it in the mirror because when you avoid it, it's not there. It's the secret thing. That's not existing on the back of your leg. Right. But I made peace with it. And I'm like, you know what? I'm finding acceptance in the fact that I'm always going to have cellulite. It's like if you're not having the awareness on where that thought came from in the first place, you're not going to be able to get to the root of it.
Elyse:
So you have to really take the time and go to some uncomfortable places inside of you because the thing is gross, not easy, you know, this process sometimes brings up some dark feelings. And of course, when I discovered that that was where the source of that thought had come from, it hurt, right? It's like, how could someone say that to me? But it's my responsibility to then do the work, to release the power over that thought. And I educate a lot of times too on where our belief systems actually come from. Because a lot of times we get taught things by our parents. You know, whether it's your political beliefs, religious, whatever, it may be. Money beliefs are a very big one too. And so what happens is you get taught these things, you go through your adult life and you never really evolve your beliefs. And so when I asked my clients, I'm like, why do you believe that? They're like, I don't know.
Kamille:
That's so funny. That's amazing.
Elyse:
All right, well, let's first start with where it came from, you know, because if you don't even know why you think, what you think or why you feel what you feel, of course you're not getting the results that you want to get, because you don't even know why things are happening because you haven't become conscious to it yet. So I think to answer your question in a very long winded way, check in and become aware.
Kamille:
Yeah, no that's perfect. I think that really, even for someone that for me, you know, I'm not as good at this as Elyse is, she's amazing at this and sometimes checking in for me is really scary. And I hate it when people would tell me to journal or sit alone or meditate. I'm like, I don't want to be by myself. I'm like no, I'm okay. I'm going to keep working and working and working and doing, trying to accomplish things that would cover up that stuff and those issues but they're not going to go away. And they probably will never go fully away. They're always part of who you are, but the way that you deal with them and you address them and become comfortable with them, I was the same way with my scar on my leg. For the longest time I wanted to get surgery and get laser and all this stuff and I realized a couple years ago I don't want to get rid of my scar. It's a story that I have, you know, and for me, it's like, I, you know, I am someone that is super fit and super healthy and take care of myself and it causes stress marks and all that. It happened when I was a kid. And, you know, for the longest time I hated that. I thought it made me look not the way that I'm supposed to be, and that's not the truth. It just makes me look stronger to me now. Like, I mean so much to be where I'm at and to be healthy and to be, and to have played soccer and done track and doing all that stuff. But it really does take sitting down and addressing and like being like, I'm okay with it. Like I'm okay. What was the reason that I didn't like it? What were the reasons that I hated it so much really? Because my stretch marks were going to be embarrassing as a fitness instructor? I wouldn't wear shorts at first because I was like, even though I'm so fit, I wouldn't wear shorts because I didn't want people to see the stretch marks. So if you're not feeling that way yet, it's important to know you're not behind.
Elyse:
You said something so important that I think so many people watching this, it's going to resonate with them. We are so terrified. And I myself was in this camp for being alone with our thoughts, right. It is a scary place when the music is gone. There's no distractions. Netflix is off. I avoided that space for years and I actually, I have no choice, but to confront it because at the time when I was working at Estee Lauder, I was traveling a hundred thousand miles a year by myself. So I'm staying in all of these foreign countries alone. So guess what? They found me, I didn't have a choice. It was so scary when they first came up. If you think of renovating a house, right? It's like, you're going to need to do some demos. There's going to be some mold in the walls that we're gonna need to get rid of, but we're going to rebuild. You know, but that first demolition is really scary because you don't know what's going to happen when you open up those walls. It's the same thing that we go through with ourselves, you know? And I think so many people resist being alone with their thoughts. And it's funny because when I have the first part of my program, it's like really about checking back in and I see that resistance come up so much. And I'm like, you guys, if you resist it, it's going to persist. And this is the pattern that will continue. So even though it's uncomfortable, it's one of the most valuable spaces that you can ever tap into because your return on investment for the time that you give yourself is going to profoundly shift the results in your life.
Kamille:
Completely agree. And again, guys coming from someone that's very, it's been very hard. I've gone through a whole lot in my life and to sit alone, to have those moments, to journal about my thoughts, or to view things like that. I resisted it for a very long time. And it was one of the best things that I started to do in my life. And I'm not perfect at it. And there are still moments that I don't want to deal with certain things that I'm dealing with. And, and, and it has happened, but it is really, if you do the work, like you said, it's, it's worth it. So you can share anything that you can give about doing the work you say about doing the work. I know for me writing my thoughts, even just words, I'm saying to myself, what do you usually help people kind of start doing? What do you help people kind of do to kind of start moving themselves?
Elyse:
Yeah, I think the biggest thing, like I said, is tuning in and becoming aware. And what I encourage people to do is either keep a note section in your phone or have like a little notebook with you and start just recording and becoming aware of when those persistent thoughts come up and how you feel and where that feeling shows up in your body. Because it's going to tell you where that stress is living and where you need to release it. Um, I also think for me a very powerful tool, and this is something I encourage my clients to do all the time is video journal, because you're actually getting those thoughts out. You're seeing how you look, you're witnessing yourself, have these emotions, and you're seeing how those things actually come up for you. And I think, like I said about looking in the mirror, sometimes it's a very uncomfortable thing to actually stare at yourself, have a conversation with yourself, but it's very, very powerful when you see yourself emoting in that way and who might get a lot of awareness just from watching yourself talk. And there's times I've recorded like 25 minute long video journals, because I just talked until my mind was empty. And I also do the same exercise on paper. I call it thought dumping. So I write everything down until my mind is empty. And literally there's nothing else in there. And I think the last powerful tool that is amazing to dive into is meditation because when you're truly still and you're alone and you're silent with your thoughts, you have such a beautiful opportunity to actually hear what do you really want out of life? What am I feeling today? What do I need? Like, where do I need to tune into in my body? And the thing is, when you don't have all that other noise going on, you can actually hear what you need. But I think so many times we get to the point where we just tune it out because we're like, this is uncomfortable. You know? So I think those four things and also ask for help and just lean in because sometimes our biggest mirrors are the people that are closest to us. So when they reflect back things that we're doing, and for example, even like you and I, the day that we spoke at girls hockey were such a mirror for me because it was like, okay, we got this, you know? And it was like going through the same thing. You have the support system to actually get through. So you're not having to go at this alone. You know, it's like, we need support. We need sisterhood as women, I call it my elevation squad because I only choose to surround my people or surround myself with people that lift me up. You know? So it's, it's very important. So really use the people around you as tools as well, to reflect things back to you that you might not be seeing.
Kamille:
Yeah. And I think that I said this at the very end of almost all of these, because you know, everyone that has come on here, including Elyse you guys is here to help, is here to serve you is doing this because she wants to, because she feels called to help. She wants to get out there and change things for people. And don't be afraid to reach out especially to the women that I have on here. This is something that's truly, truly feeling that you're like, damn, I really have a lot of stuff I need to deal with. I don't know how to do this on my own, reach out to Elyse because she's here to talk to you about it, you know? And I understand that some people feel like it's automatically going to be salesy and yes, we are coaches. We do get, we definitely do it is a business, but we are here to help you with that. We will, as much as we can, not be afraid to reach out because surrounding ourselves with people, like Elyse, it's been one of the best things that I have ever done. I talk about this all the time. It did my very first business all alone. And even though it was successful, I walked away from that. No companion, no friends. I literally was so burnt out. I was so busy. I was tired. Like I just did not feel fulfilled at all. Even though it was something that I did really love to do. So that's really sad to have that feeling. You shouldn't feel alone within your business. I promise you and be here for you guys. So please, I love that. I seriously, I reach out, reach out to Elyse if this is feeling, you're feeling this right now. And you know, I know you were saying, especially with meditation, I know for me, sometimes my mind is constantly going. And so from that, I have a hard time. And one of the things I've been kind of told, or like how to kind of get back is like count backwards to think of the initial thoughts I started with. Is there any support that you have in regards to meditation? I know everyone kind of does it differently. I kinda like that people that I've gone through that everyone's different. You know, everyone, some people can just totally go for me. I have to like pick three thoughts that I promised myself to keep going back to. That's how I originally got into this for. So that's for me, what is, what is something that maybe you work on or you do when it comes to try to get, you know, within and so to kind of pause and check in with yourself.
Elyse:
Firstly, I have to say there is no right or wrong way to meditate. And I just felt like when I first started this, I was like, I'm doing it wrong. You know, because the thing is like, thoughts are gonna come in as you meditate. And my best friend gave the most amazing examples. She's like, I just picture the thoughts, like little clouds and I let them float past. I'm like, that is brilliant. What I love to do is I always start off my meditations with a formula that I created called the three by three method. And essentially what you want to do is you breathe them for three seconds, hold for three seconds, exhale for three seconds. And you repeat it three times. So this is just going to kind of get you back in your body. It's going to get you out of your head because really when you're in your head, you're dead in your body. So you can actually feel what's going on. Start just like cleansing your space, like your inner space with that little formula. And I promise you, it's going to just kind of center you in a way where you're okay, we can do this. And then I personally, I might go to resources. I love insight timers. That is like my Holy grail. And the beautiful part is it's free. It's got so many meditations on it and you can bookmark them. I bought like my daily go to is, and I tried to do a book and practice. I love to do one in the morning because it really just kind of sets the tone for my day. It gets my feet on the ground. If I am having any insecurities or reservations that I'm battling, like that's the time for me to just get it out. And it can happen in as simple as like three to four minutes. It doesn't have to be this thing where you're going under like a Yogi, you know, or Yoda or whatever for like three hours. Like, it doesn't need to be that serious. Like people make it so serious. It's not that serious. It's crazy. But I also love to end my notes with things like sleep meditation, because then I started my day off a success. I've finished my book and practiced. And I really feel like that just helps me to just kind of always have a clean slate, no matter what time of the day it is. And even sometimes at lunch break, I need to bring myself back if I'm having a real crazy day and I need to get my feet back on the ground, I'll just dive in like a quick two or three minute one. And I'm like, woo okay, I got this.
Kamille:
Yeah. And I agree. That was my same thought process when I first started. Like, and again, when people will be like, you just need to meditate, just meditate. I'm like, do you not get that I'm super high strong and that I can't just sit down in a corner and be like, did you not tell me that I need to meditate? Like if you knew me, then, then you know that it's not that easy. So for me, definitely, you have to find your way of doing it. There is no perfect way if you are really good at getting into that head space and it is really simple for you, then go ahead and do a 30 minute meditation. For me most of mine are very short. You know, it's just something for me to set and calm and kind of go into the day with positive thoughts. Because for me, literally sleeping is a huge issue for me too. And I've always had to work through stuff like that because my head's always going. And so I'll wake up with all the negative things that I'm thinking. Things I didn't put in my calendar. And that's how it used to be five minutes to kind of just listen to something and relax and say, okay, you don't need to touch your phone for the next 45 minutes, make breakfast, get to coffee. Is it a nice day, go sit outside. Like, even that is meditating for me because that's something that just took me away from all of the other things that are going to take over. So like for me, I start my morning a lot slower than I. That's my way of meditating as well as like, okay, coffee, good breakfast food. You know, like the workout, you know, depending on the day, like before I even start or looking at anything, some people won't get answers back from me. So 11:00 AM and they think I'm crazy for starting work at 11:00 AM. But I'm like, and that really started my day then, right? That's when I start my work because if I don't, then I'm just going to immerse myself in my work and I'm not going to take care of the other things I need to take care of.
Elyse:
Yes, that is so important. You said something so magical right now. And I think this is something so many entrepreneurs feel guilty about is not hitting the ground running. And we have to remember, like, you're an entrepreneur, I'm an entrepreneur. So many of you guys watching are entrepreneurs, but we get to define when we work and how we work. So for me, like having to leave that corporate environment and break that mindset of being in a nine to five was really hard because I almost felt like every time I went into meditation at 10:00 AM or whenever it was, I was doing something wrong. But I think in what I educate with my clients is we have to get into our thoughts because like I said earlier, our thoughts create our results. So if we're not managing our thoughts, it doesn't matter how productive you are. How many things that you're checking off your to do list during your day. If you're having negative thoughts that are creating and inspiring your action, you're not going to get the results that you want. So stop feeling guilty about applying yourself here you guys like for you to take a minute for you. And I'm here to give you permission. Kamille is giving you permission because you guys, this is such important work. And I have so many times, and especially with moms, they're like, how can I create a couple of minutes for myself? I'm like, you have to create the time. This time just doesn't appear. Time can be an illusion if you want it to be, but you also have to secure time to take care of yourself. And if you don't feel worthy of your own time, when are you going to ever prioritize your self care? Right. So even if it's a two minute thing in the day, like, what Kamille was saying just to ground you like, it's so important to apply that time for yourself.
Kamille:
Yeah, even if it's something that you enjoy, like, I enjoy a good breakfast and a cup of coffee. Like that is something that if I was in my normal nine to five job or back in the day when I was working at hospitals and I would go in at like five o'clock and again work out at 3:30. I didn't get to sit down and make my breakfast. I had cold eggs and a potato and I would eat cold. I literally ate cold tilapia many times in my life. Having these moments of like being able to sit and actually like have a cup of coffee and have my breakfast or go straight into my workout. Like you wake up at a decent time and not have to wake up at 3:30 in the morning. That to me is an honor. And like, it feels good. Even if it's something like that to get you started, I feel so important. Like you said, it's just, it's just a little thing of self care. What makes you happy? What makes you feel good? We have to make time for that because it'll make such a difference in your business. I promise you.
Elyse:
Like once you get your things together, up here and it doesn't matter if it's weight loss, it doesn't matter if it's in your business, like your results are starting here. So manage this first and everything else will follow.
Kamille:
Exactly. Oh my gosh. So much good information today and I am so thankful. I have to have you back on course, but I would love for you to let anyone know if you have anything for them. Everyone is looking for resources. Don't be afraid to reach out, but anything that you can offer them and where they can find you.
Elyse:
Yes. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited. I actually just got chills because I'm about to talk about this for the first time. So you guys are hearing this first, but June 1st I am launching what I'm calling the CAN program and what the CAN program is. It's about taking confident action now. So that's one of my internal makeup formulas that I do with Soul Makeup, because truly, like I said earlier, confidence is just about belief. And so what I teach women to do is really check back in, become aware of what's holding you back when you've worked through the barriers and in the first step of the program, it's so much fun because we actually do two studies, one on time awareness, because so many times people don't know how they're spending their time. They're trying to fit 32 hours worth of things and a 24 hour day, no wonder why you're stressed out. So we get you clear on where your time's going. We also do the same type of analysis on how you spend your money, because so many times, like when you ever see all of your finances on paper, right? So we're really setting the foundation and the first step. And then we go into your personal development and then your professional development. So it's a three month program. I'm so excited. I have spent so many months perfecting this for you guys. And it's just, Oh, it's almost here June 1st, it's launching. So I'm starting to accept applications next week. Oh my God. I'm so excited.
Kamille:
You guys see how excited she is. Like, this is really what we do. And we love. And the reason that we do what we do, like honestly, it's, it's something that's in us that we put out there in our programs and what we do and how we talk about it. It means so much. I'm so excited for your program. It's going to be so absolutely amazing. I'm going to have pads and everything obviously feel free to reach out there. But again, thank you so much for coming on guys. Guys, have an amazing, amazing day. And start working on that meditation.
Elyse:
Yes, girl. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. Again, this was so much fun. Love you girl.
Kamille:
Thank you guys so much for listening to the Abundant Entrepreneur Podcast. I am so happy you tuned in today. You could take a moment to share this episode with someone that needs to hear it. That would be amazing. Also, if you could head over to iTunes and give me an honest review, that will help me in making this podcast even better for those on their entrepreneurial journey. I want that completely honest review from everything you like to, what you want to hear more of that will help me, help me make this podcast even better. Again, thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.
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By Kamille CawleyPodcast Show Notes - Episode 5
Episode title: EPS: 5 - Learning to Heal from the Inside Out with Elyse Conroy
Episode summary introduction: On today’s show, we bring on our guest speaker and Life Coach, Elyse Conroy. Elyse has a burning passion for helping women heal themselves from the inside out. She teaches us how to get comfortable being alone with our thoughts so we can start to process why we believe the things we do. She also shares with us her meditation practice and how we can easily incorporate meditation into our busy lives.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Elyse on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/yoursoulmakeup/
- Elyse’s CAN Program: https://soulmakeup.com/pages/soulmakeupcanprogram
- Elyse on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/yoursoulmakeup/
Episode transcript:
Elyse:
There might be something going on your ex boyfriend might've said something to you, your boss might have said something to you that made you feel less than so that's our circumstance, right? And now what you've done is you've adopted the thought I'm not good enough. So you feel like a failure. You feel like you're always in doubt, you feel ashamed of yourself. So when you take action, what's going to happen when you go to get a result, it's going to show up in a profound way. So we need to get to that point where we're actually getting to the root before you create a feeling about it. So we really need to empower ourselves to figure out why we're thinking, what we're thinking. So what I do is I dive deep and get to the bottom of where that thought came from in the first place.
Kamille:
Welcome to the Abundant Entrepreneur Podcast. I'm your host, Kamille Cawley, two time business owner, fitness expert, connection strategist, creator of The Abundant Entrepreneur Summit, wife, And fur mom. Each week, these episodes are filled with stories, strategies, and expertise given by guests entrepreneurs from all across the world, as well as bonus episodes, from me, that will energize, empower and support you in your journey through entrepreneurship. Get ready to elevate your vibe and captivate your tribe. It's time we connect to our message, step into who we are truly meant to be, and become more abundant in life and business. Who is with me? Let's get started. Alright guys, we are back and I am with my good friend Elyse. Hi Elyse, thank you for coming on today. You have no idea how excited I am to have you here.
Elyse:
I am so excited to be here. This has been the highlight of my week. I've been counting down.
Kamille:
Seriously. We booked this so long ago but we met each other at a women's event and became so close it was such an amazing moment. Elyse and I were on stage so it was something that we really connected on and I'm so glad to finally have her on. But Elyse is a life coach and she really works on healing women within and she just has such an amazing background. So I am going to let you tell everyone about you Elyse.
Elyse:
So I am Elyse Conroy, and I'm a life coach based in LA, and I got into this business because I have a burning passion in my heart to help women heal from the inside out. So my background is actually in the beauty industry. I was bullied as a kid and I got a huge, huge refuge through makeup. So I, that was my own personal world. I felt like if I can paint my face on, maybe people are gonna like me, okay. That did not work. So let's actually make it my career. For 15 years, I was on a mission trying to help people create products. I created products to help people feel good about themselves from the outside in, I worked my way up to the top of Estee Lauder. I was the global product development for Smashbox cosmetics. It was amazing, but the problem was the products that I was creating were actually solving any problems because the second that the women wash their face, there goes the confidence, there goes to the security. So I really, really, really had this calling to go deeper because I realized myself also through my own personal development, that no matter what we put on our face, no matter what products we're buying, if we're not doing the work from within those bad feelings still surface. And if we're not managing our thoughts and our feelings and taking care of ourselves in the right way, it always comes back and we're not feeling good. So my whole mission was soul makeup is really to teach women through coaching and through retreats, through speaking how to heal from the inside out. Cause we have to create those feelings from within.
Kamille:
Absolutely. That is so amazing. And you guys are, we I've talked about this before, but it really does start with us. You know, we can build a business, we can do everything, all the strategic planning in a business, we can do everything we need to do, but if we're not working on ourselves and we haven't fixed what's going on here, our business is never going to align and fit with who we are. And unfortunately That's not going to fulfill us and it's going to be a problem. So Elyse and I are going to address today some things, some feelings that a lot of us go through, especially I know right now, a lot of you are trying to transition, make changes and we're all adjusting to what's going on. And you know, there are a lot of feelings that come up that are really hard. And I know Elyse had some, a really great thing that she can help you guys. It's the, one of the big things that I hear from a lot of people that reach out to me is that, first of all, obviously it's saturated online is saturated getting online and saturated, but as well, is this feeling of comparison, this feeling of not being good enough to get out there and do whatever it is. I know a lot of my followers are in the fitness industry or coaches, and we feel like there's a million people doing what we're doing, please. I would love it if you could help some people if they're feeling a lot of that. I'm not good enough. I'm not that person. A lot of comparison is out there right now. What would you say? How would you help people that are dealing with those feelings?
Elyse:
Yes. Brilliant question. And I think one thing, and like you said, that comes up for so many of us all the time is I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. I'm not deserving. And we constantly find ourselves in that comparison game where we're looking at the person next to us and thinking they're doing better than me, but we don't actually know how they're doing. We don't know the circumstances. What's on social media is the best part of their life. That's a little snapshots that they're choosing to show us. So I think it's so important to actually dive in and get to the bottom of why you have that thought in the first place. So what I usually challenge my clients to think about is at what point of your life did you start believing that you weren't good enough? Or who told you that you weren't worthy? And I think so many times, like, especially being a woman, we are conditioned by society to always feel less than we're never going to be good enough. Our body's never going to be perfect, no matter how much we do. And like for me coming from makeup, I can put everything I want on my face, but it's still not solving the problem. So what I work with my clients on is getting to the root of why they feel that in the first place. So I want to talk to you guys about a tool that can literally change everything for you and it changed everything for me. When I went on a journey four years ago. So what this is called is the model. And this is what a lot of coaches use to really help you diagnose where your thoughts come from. So with all of this, and I'll walk you guys through and I'll give you guys an example of how this is used, but everything in our life is all based around a circumstance. And a circumstance is essentially just a neutral fact. There's something that's going on. It's something that can hold up in a court of law, right? So what happens is we have a circumstance going on and then we create a thought about the circumstance. Then our mind goes into overdrive, creates a feeling about what we're, what's going on. And the thing is, our feelings are what are going to drive our actions and our results. So we're not going to get the results from the action, it's actually going to be based upon the thoughts that create the feeling to take action from. So if you think about it, if you're taking action from a place of insecurity, taking action from a place of doubt, taking action from a place of lack of confidence, that's going to be very apparent in your results.
Elyse:
So what I love to do and I'll use the example of, I don't feel good enough, right? So there might be something going on. Your ex boyfriend might've said something to you, your boss might have said something to you that made you feel less than so that's our circumstance right now. What you've done is you've adopted the thought I'm not good enough. So you feel like a failure. You feel like you're always in doubt, you feel ashamed of yourself. So when you take action, what's going to happen when you go to get a result? It's going to show up in a profound way. So we need to get to that point where we're actually getting to the root before you create a feeling about it. So we really need to empower ourselves to figure out why we're thinking, what we're thinking. So what I do is I dive deep and get to the bottom of where that thought came from in the first place.
Kamille:
Oh that's tough. I'm thinking of things in my head right now, of course, I'm like, okay, where did mine come from, where did that start?
Elyse:
Yeah. I think something that I always encourage people to do when we're doing this process is try it on, right? So if you feel like a thought, I want to tell myself, I feel super competent today. You're not going to wake up. And all of a sudden confidence just appears, right? It's something that you have to build over time. So what I like to do is I'll create thought swaps for people. So, okay. Does it feel good to say, you know what? I woke up and I feel great, perfect. Let's adapt to that one. So it's like trying it on like clothes, you know, it's like, okay, I'm gonna put this on today. This one didn't feel good. I'm going to change it tomorrow. And you can keep going until you actually build the true belief and the thought, because what is confidence at the end of the day?
Elyse:
It's belief. You know, we create so many illusions about what competence actually is. It's like this mystical unicorn that once I have it, my life's going to be perfect. But unfortunately that's not the way it works. Right? I know it's confidence is just a belief in something, whether it's believe in yourself, believe in your capabilities. So if you're going for this idea of, okay, I want to feel good enough in my own skin, right? Where this is where I really like to go deep. If you want to give me another example, I'll actually walk you through the model. But if you go deep into where that thought came, usually it's in childhood. Usually it was something that was taught by a parent. It was something that a kid said to you. And like I mentioned earlier, like I was bullied really bad. I actually had a child when I was in seventh grade, rub dog shit on my face and tell me all I was ever going to be in life was shit. Right? So guess what? I know. It's awful, like awful. But what happened was I became an adult. Everything I did was shit. Everything was shit. Everything was shit because there was that lingering belief still with me within me, that thought all I was was shit. No matter what I could do, I can never be good enough. So I went hard in my career because I had something to prove, right. I was going to show everybody that I was not shit. But when I walked away from my career, I was left with a puddle of thoughts. And I still felt like shit. So I had everything. I have the six figure salary. I was by continental businesswoman. I had everything, but I still did not have that belief within myself. Right.
Elyse:
So I had to go back and actually do that deep work, using the thought model to get to the bottom of where that came from. Okay. I'm 36. When I went on this mission, it was three years ago. So I was 33. I had no idea that something from seventh grade was still lingering inside of me. And that's what happens to us. We just go through life. When we get busy, who has time to do thought work? I mean, really it's usually not people's priority, but unless you're me because I'm obsessed with it.
Kamille:
I love it. I love it because I need it more.
Elyse:
Let's see for so many people in the fitness industry, right? You're going in competitions, you're going to have to show this perfect body, this amazing aesthetic. But what happens when all of a sudden that thought from seventh grade and somebody telling you that your shit hits you right before you get on stage, you're not going to feel that confidence. And you're going to see it in your body language. You're not going to win that competition because that inner doubt, whether you realize it's there or not, is subconsciously holding you back.
Kamille:
I completely agree. I'm coming from someone that competed. And I, you know, it's funny because I always feel like even though I was very proud of myself because competing is very hard and it takes a lot of willpower and it is damn tiring. I did it while I was working a full time job, as well as going to school. It was crazy I would get up at like 3:30 in the morning, go to the gym. Started work at 5:30. Went to work. Drove myself from Orange County to LA. If you live here in California, that is disastrous. You go to school and then drive back home to work out again because it was a 2 times a day workout. And I know what it takes to put into that. And, you know, I always thought that doing it was going to make me feel more confident before the actual competition, before I found out what place I was in, before I got any feedback from the judges, I felt so good about myself. Like before all of that, I felt so good. You know, I worked my butt off. I looked freaking awesome, I was like no body fat, you know, it was amazing.
Elyse:
Yeah I saw pictures.
Kamille:
But the problem is after stage and after hearing the judges feeling, all of those negative comments seem running back to me. And for me, I am someone that had cancer when I was a kid, I have a huge scar on my left leg. They took out like half of my leg when I was younger. And, you know, I always thought for a long time, you know, I thought that, you know, Oh, you know, I've gotten over that. You know, I played soccer for 18 years on the college and soccer scholarship. Honestly, I thought I had gotten over it because look what I've done and they told me I might not be able to walk and look what I've done. You know? So, and then I realized that day, like the first competition I ever had, like, I just felt so negative. I felt so sad. You know, like I was like so disappointed because they were telling me my legs were too big. You know how longer I'd worked to build muscle on my legs because of what had happened. And the things that they had told me were so negative. And so all those things came running back to me. So I did something to make myself feel more confident on the outside, and it just ruined me more inside. It just made it worse. Again, dealing with those inside issues is such a big deal. I know what Elyse said, is that, you know, obviously you were saying that it's, it's huge to work on the insight. Is there anything that you could tell people say there is a specific thought that they have, maybe their ex boyfriend said, you know, you're ugly, you're stupid. You'll never be anything, whatever it is. Is there something that they can do from that point? They can kind of think, because I know for me, that's something that, like you said, things that kids talked to me when I was younger, that's still affects me or I had to work through what, what is something that they could start doing to kind of maybe bring down those negative thoughts or move them away or change them into more positive thoughts. Please explain what you worked through with them cause I would love to hear that.
Elyse:
Yes, and I think it's such an important question, because so many times, like in our adult life, these things are happening and we don't know why. Right. So I think the biggest part to kick it off is to first become aware. And I think because we live in this world where everything's so fast paced, we're just not conscious, right? Like we're not making conscious decisions. We're not realizing why we're feeling the way that we're feeling. So when you have something that comes up, that's reoccurring all the time, and I'll give you an example. I had a thought for the longest time, and I didn't understand where it came from. And I'm a thick girl. I got curves. And when you got curves, you got cellulite. So I have always resisted my cellulite. I looked at it and I was just completely repulsed by it. Right. And it's like, you got this, you were in fitness. You know, that is just atrocious. If you have any of those dimples back there, right. It doesn't matter how much I'm going to work out, it's my body shape. Like it's always going to be there. So I dove into that and I was like, why do I have so much hatred towards this one area of my body? And it all came back to something that an ex boyfriend had said to me, and what happened was I was sitting there and he actually rubbed his hand on the side of my leg. And he went dimple, dimple, dimple, right. How awful does that feel? And I was maybe 17 years old at the time. And so I realized when I delve into that thought, I'm like, Oh my God, I based my opinion of myself on his opinion of me, I actually don't have an issue with the way that this looks, society might have an issue with it. But I think my body is beautiful. So I started doing something that I hadn't done in a really long time. And that was looking at it in the mirror because when you avoid it, it's not there. It's the secret thing. That's not existing on the back of your leg. Right. But I made peace with it. And I'm like, you know what? I'm finding acceptance in the fact that I'm always going to have cellulite. It's like if you're not having the awareness on where that thought came from in the first place, you're not going to be able to get to the root of it.
Elyse:
So you have to really take the time and go to some uncomfortable places inside of you because the thing is gross, not easy, you know, this process sometimes brings up some dark feelings. And of course, when I discovered that that was where the source of that thought had come from, it hurt, right? It's like, how could someone say that to me? But it's my responsibility to then do the work, to release the power over that thought. And I educate a lot of times too on where our belief systems actually come from. Because a lot of times we get taught things by our parents. You know, whether it's your political beliefs, religious, whatever, it may be. Money beliefs are a very big one too. And so what happens is you get taught these things, you go through your adult life and you never really evolve your beliefs. And so when I asked my clients, I'm like, why do you believe that? They're like, I don't know.
Kamille:
That's so funny. That's amazing.
Elyse:
All right, well, let's first start with where it came from, you know, because if you don't even know why you think, what you think or why you feel what you feel, of course you're not getting the results that you want to get, because you don't even know why things are happening because you haven't become conscious to it yet. So I think to answer your question in a very long winded way, check in and become aware.
Kamille:
Yeah, no that's perfect. I think that really, even for someone that for me, you know, I'm not as good at this as Elyse is, she's amazing at this and sometimes checking in for me is really scary. And I hate it when people would tell me to journal or sit alone or meditate. I'm like, I don't want to be by myself. I'm like no, I'm okay. I'm going to keep working and working and working and doing, trying to accomplish things that would cover up that stuff and those issues but they're not going to go away. And they probably will never go fully away. They're always part of who you are, but the way that you deal with them and you address them and become comfortable with them, I was the same way with my scar on my leg. For the longest time I wanted to get surgery and get laser and all this stuff and I realized a couple years ago I don't want to get rid of my scar. It's a story that I have, you know, and for me, it's like, I, you know, I am someone that is super fit and super healthy and take care of myself and it causes stress marks and all that. It happened when I was a kid. And, you know, for the longest time I hated that. I thought it made me look not the way that I'm supposed to be, and that's not the truth. It just makes me look stronger to me now. Like, I mean so much to be where I'm at and to be healthy and to be, and to have played soccer and done track and doing all that stuff. But it really does take sitting down and addressing and like being like, I'm okay with it. Like I'm okay. What was the reason that I didn't like it? What were the reasons that I hated it so much really? Because my stretch marks were going to be embarrassing as a fitness instructor? I wouldn't wear shorts at first because I was like, even though I'm so fit, I wouldn't wear shorts because I didn't want people to see the stretch marks. So if you're not feeling that way yet, it's important to know you're not behind.
Elyse:
You said something so important that I think so many people watching this, it's going to resonate with them. We are so terrified. And I myself was in this camp for being alone with our thoughts, right. It is a scary place when the music is gone. There's no distractions. Netflix is off. I avoided that space for years and I actually, I have no choice, but to confront it because at the time when I was working at Estee Lauder, I was traveling a hundred thousand miles a year by myself. So I'm staying in all of these foreign countries alone. So guess what? They found me, I didn't have a choice. It was so scary when they first came up. If you think of renovating a house, right? It's like, you're going to need to do some demos. There's going to be some mold in the walls that we're gonna need to get rid of, but we're going to rebuild. You know, but that first demolition is really scary because you don't know what's going to happen when you open up those walls. It's the same thing that we go through with ourselves, you know? And I think so many people resist being alone with their thoughts. And it's funny because when I have the first part of my program, it's like really about checking back in and I see that resistance come up so much. And I'm like, you guys, if you resist it, it's going to persist. And this is the pattern that will continue. So even though it's uncomfortable, it's one of the most valuable spaces that you can ever tap into because your return on investment for the time that you give yourself is going to profoundly shift the results in your life.
Kamille:
Completely agree. And again, guys coming from someone that's very, it's been very hard. I've gone through a whole lot in my life and to sit alone, to have those moments, to journal about my thoughts, or to view things like that. I resisted it for a very long time. And it was one of the best things that I started to do in my life. And I'm not perfect at it. And there are still moments that I don't want to deal with certain things that I'm dealing with. And, and, and it has happened, but it is really, if you do the work, like you said, it's, it's worth it. So you can share anything that you can give about doing the work you say about doing the work. I know for me writing my thoughts, even just words, I'm saying to myself, what do you usually help people kind of start doing? What do you help people kind of do to kind of start moving themselves?
Elyse:
Yeah, I think the biggest thing, like I said, is tuning in and becoming aware. And what I encourage people to do is either keep a note section in your phone or have like a little notebook with you and start just recording and becoming aware of when those persistent thoughts come up and how you feel and where that feeling shows up in your body. Because it's going to tell you where that stress is living and where you need to release it. Um, I also think for me a very powerful tool, and this is something I encourage my clients to do all the time is video journal, because you're actually getting those thoughts out. You're seeing how you look, you're witnessing yourself, have these emotions, and you're seeing how those things actually come up for you. And I think, like I said about looking in the mirror, sometimes it's a very uncomfortable thing to actually stare at yourself, have a conversation with yourself, but it's very, very powerful when you see yourself emoting in that way and who might get a lot of awareness just from watching yourself talk. And there's times I've recorded like 25 minute long video journals, because I just talked until my mind was empty. And I also do the same exercise on paper. I call it thought dumping. So I write everything down until my mind is empty. And literally there's nothing else in there. And I think the last powerful tool that is amazing to dive into is meditation because when you're truly still and you're alone and you're silent with your thoughts, you have such a beautiful opportunity to actually hear what do you really want out of life? What am I feeling today? What do I need? Like, where do I need to tune into in my body? And the thing is, when you don't have all that other noise going on, you can actually hear what you need. But I think so many times we get to the point where we just tune it out because we're like, this is uncomfortable. You know? So I think those four things and also ask for help and just lean in because sometimes our biggest mirrors are the people that are closest to us. So when they reflect back things that we're doing, and for example, even like you and I, the day that we spoke at girls hockey were such a mirror for me because it was like, okay, we got this, you know? And it was like going through the same thing. You have the support system to actually get through. So you're not having to go at this alone. You know, it's like, we need support. We need sisterhood as women, I call it my elevation squad because I only choose to surround my people or surround myself with people that lift me up. You know? So it's, it's very important. So really use the people around you as tools as well, to reflect things back to you that you might not be seeing.
Kamille:
Yeah. And I think that I said this at the very end of almost all of these, because you know, everyone that has come on here, including Elyse you guys is here to help, is here to serve you is doing this because she wants to, because she feels called to help. She wants to get out there and change things for people. And don't be afraid to reach out especially to the women that I have on here. This is something that's truly, truly feeling that you're like, damn, I really have a lot of stuff I need to deal with. I don't know how to do this on my own, reach out to Elyse because she's here to talk to you about it, you know? And I understand that some people feel like it's automatically going to be salesy and yes, we are coaches. We do get, we definitely do it is a business, but we are here to help you with that. We will, as much as we can, not be afraid to reach out because surrounding ourselves with people, like Elyse, it's been one of the best things that I have ever done. I talk about this all the time. It did my very first business all alone. And even though it was successful, I walked away from that. No companion, no friends. I literally was so burnt out. I was so busy. I was tired. Like I just did not feel fulfilled at all. Even though it was something that I did really love to do. So that's really sad to have that feeling. You shouldn't feel alone within your business. I promise you and be here for you guys. So please, I love that. I seriously, I reach out, reach out to Elyse if this is feeling, you're feeling this right now. And you know, I know you were saying, especially with meditation, I know for me, sometimes my mind is constantly going. And so from that, I have a hard time. And one of the things I've been kind of told, or like how to kind of get back is like count backwards to think of the initial thoughts I started with. Is there any support that you have in regards to meditation? I know everyone kind of does it differently. I kinda like that people that I've gone through that everyone's different. You know, everyone, some people can just totally go for me. I have to like pick three thoughts that I promised myself to keep going back to. That's how I originally got into this for. So that's for me, what is, what is something that maybe you work on or you do when it comes to try to get, you know, within and so to kind of pause and check in with yourself.
Elyse:
Firstly, I have to say there is no right or wrong way to meditate. And I just felt like when I first started this, I was like, I'm doing it wrong. You know, because the thing is like, thoughts are gonna come in as you meditate. And my best friend gave the most amazing examples. She's like, I just picture the thoughts, like little clouds and I let them float past. I'm like, that is brilliant. What I love to do is I always start off my meditations with a formula that I created called the three by three method. And essentially what you want to do is you breathe them for three seconds, hold for three seconds, exhale for three seconds. And you repeat it three times. So this is just going to kind of get you back in your body. It's going to get you out of your head because really when you're in your head, you're dead in your body. So you can actually feel what's going on. Start just like cleansing your space, like your inner space with that little formula. And I promise you, it's going to just kind of center you in a way where you're okay, we can do this. And then I personally, I might go to resources. I love insight timers. That is like my Holy grail. And the beautiful part is it's free. It's got so many meditations on it and you can bookmark them. I bought like my daily go to is, and I tried to do a book and practice. I love to do one in the morning because it really just kind of sets the tone for my day. It gets my feet on the ground. If I am having any insecurities or reservations that I'm battling, like that's the time for me to just get it out. And it can happen in as simple as like three to four minutes. It doesn't have to be this thing where you're going under like a Yogi, you know, or Yoda or whatever for like three hours. Like, it doesn't need to be that serious. Like people make it so serious. It's not that serious. It's crazy. But I also love to end my notes with things like sleep meditation, because then I started my day off a success. I've finished my book and practiced. And I really feel like that just helps me to just kind of always have a clean slate, no matter what time of the day it is. And even sometimes at lunch break, I need to bring myself back if I'm having a real crazy day and I need to get my feet back on the ground, I'll just dive in like a quick two or three minute one. And I'm like, woo okay, I got this.
Kamille:
Yeah. And I agree. That was my same thought process when I first started. Like, and again, when people will be like, you just need to meditate, just meditate. I'm like, do you not get that I'm super high strong and that I can't just sit down in a corner and be like, did you not tell me that I need to meditate? Like if you knew me, then, then you know that it's not that easy. So for me, definitely, you have to find your way of doing it. There is no perfect way if you are really good at getting into that head space and it is really simple for you, then go ahead and do a 30 minute meditation. For me most of mine are very short. You know, it's just something for me to set and calm and kind of go into the day with positive thoughts. Because for me, literally sleeping is a huge issue for me too. And I've always had to work through stuff like that because my head's always going. And so I'll wake up with all the negative things that I'm thinking. Things I didn't put in my calendar. And that's how it used to be five minutes to kind of just listen to something and relax and say, okay, you don't need to touch your phone for the next 45 minutes, make breakfast, get to coffee. Is it a nice day, go sit outside. Like, even that is meditating for me because that's something that just took me away from all of the other things that are going to take over. So like for me, I start my morning a lot slower than I. That's my way of meditating as well as like, okay, coffee, good breakfast food. You know, like the workout, you know, depending on the day, like before I even start or looking at anything, some people won't get answers back from me. So 11:00 AM and they think I'm crazy for starting work at 11:00 AM. But I'm like, and that really started my day then, right? That's when I start my work because if I don't, then I'm just going to immerse myself in my work and I'm not going to take care of the other things I need to take care of.
Elyse:
Yes, that is so important. You said something so magical right now. And I think this is something so many entrepreneurs feel guilty about is not hitting the ground running. And we have to remember, like, you're an entrepreneur, I'm an entrepreneur. So many of you guys watching are entrepreneurs, but we get to define when we work and how we work. So for me, like having to leave that corporate environment and break that mindset of being in a nine to five was really hard because I almost felt like every time I went into meditation at 10:00 AM or whenever it was, I was doing something wrong. But I think in what I educate with my clients is we have to get into our thoughts because like I said earlier, our thoughts create our results. So if we're not managing our thoughts, it doesn't matter how productive you are. How many things that you're checking off your to do list during your day. If you're having negative thoughts that are creating and inspiring your action, you're not going to get the results that you want. So stop feeling guilty about applying yourself here you guys like for you to take a minute for you. And I'm here to give you permission. Kamille is giving you permission because you guys, this is such important work. And I have so many times, and especially with moms, they're like, how can I create a couple of minutes for myself? I'm like, you have to create the time. This time just doesn't appear. Time can be an illusion if you want it to be, but you also have to secure time to take care of yourself. And if you don't feel worthy of your own time, when are you going to ever prioritize your self care? Right. So even if it's a two minute thing in the day, like, what Kamille was saying just to ground you like, it's so important to apply that time for yourself.
Kamille:
Yeah, even if it's something that you enjoy, like, I enjoy a good breakfast and a cup of coffee. Like that is something that if I was in my normal nine to five job or back in the day when I was working at hospitals and I would go in at like five o'clock and again work out at 3:30. I didn't get to sit down and make my breakfast. I had cold eggs and a potato and I would eat cold. I literally ate cold tilapia many times in my life. Having these moments of like being able to sit and actually like have a cup of coffee and have my breakfast or go straight into my workout. Like you wake up at a decent time and not have to wake up at 3:30 in the morning. That to me is an honor. And like, it feels good. Even if it's something like that to get you started, I feel so important. Like you said, it's just, it's just a little thing of self care. What makes you happy? What makes you feel good? We have to make time for that because it'll make such a difference in your business. I promise you.
Elyse:
Like once you get your things together, up here and it doesn't matter if it's weight loss, it doesn't matter if it's in your business, like your results are starting here. So manage this first and everything else will follow.
Kamille:
Exactly. Oh my gosh. So much good information today and I am so thankful. I have to have you back on course, but I would love for you to let anyone know if you have anything for them. Everyone is looking for resources. Don't be afraid to reach out, but anything that you can offer them and where they can find you.
Elyse:
Yes. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited. I actually just got chills because I'm about to talk about this for the first time. So you guys are hearing this first, but June 1st I am launching what I'm calling the CAN program and what the CAN program is. It's about taking confident action now. So that's one of my internal makeup formulas that I do with Soul Makeup, because truly, like I said earlier, confidence is just about belief. And so what I teach women to do is really check back in, become aware of what's holding you back when you've worked through the barriers and in the first step of the program, it's so much fun because we actually do two studies, one on time awareness, because so many times people don't know how they're spending their time. They're trying to fit 32 hours worth of things and a 24 hour day, no wonder why you're stressed out. So we get you clear on where your time's going. We also do the same type of analysis on how you spend your money, because so many times, like when you ever see all of your finances on paper, right? So we're really setting the foundation and the first step. And then we go into your personal development and then your professional development. So it's a three month program. I'm so excited. I have spent so many months perfecting this for you guys. And it's just, Oh, it's almost here June 1st, it's launching. So I'm starting to accept applications next week. Oh my God. I'm so excited.
Kamille:
You guys see how excited she is. Like, this is really what we do. And we love. And the reason that we do what we do, like honestly, it's, it's something that's in us that we put out there in our programs and what we do and how we talk about it. It means so much. I'm so excited for your program. It's going to be so absolutely amazing. I'm going to have pads and everything obviously feel free to reach out there. But again, thank you so much for coming on guys. Guys, have an amazing, amazing day. And start working on that meditation.
Elyse:
Yes, girl. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. Again, this was so much fun. Love you girl.
Kamille:
Thank you guys so much for listening to the Abundant Entrepreneur Podcast. I am so happy you tuned in today. You could take a moment to share this episode with someone that needs to hear it. That would be amazing. Also, if you could head over to iTunes and give me an honest review, that will help me in making this podcast even better for those on their entrepreneurial journey. I want that completely honest review from everything you like to, what you want to hear more of that will help me, help me make this podcast even better. Again, thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.