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EPS: 9 - Making Real Connections w/ Dating Coach Keshia Rice
Episode Title: EPS: 9 - Making Real Connections w/ Dating Coach Keshia Rice
Episode summary introduction: On today’s show, we are talking with Keshia Rica, a dating coach who helps women learn how to heal from past toxic relationships and how to step up and communicate their wants and needs. She also teaches women how to set those boundaries and learn how to go on dates and interact with confidence. We dive into how to date during these difficult times and how to reconnect with past friendships as well.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Keshia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/keshiarice/
- Keshia’s Website: http://www.keshiarice.com/
What is TAES?:
The Abundant Entrepreneur Summit 2.0 is a 3-Day Virtual Women's Event held November 12th, 13th & 14th hosted by Kamille Cawley.
Episode transcript:
Keshia:
Check with whatever platform you use, you may be surprised at how many virtual backgrounds there are. Facebook has face filters. I will not name her name, but I know a business coach who uses a filter that makes her face look way more made up than it is.
Kamille:
Welcome to the Abundant Entrepreneur Podcast. I'm your host, Kamille Cawley, two time business owner, fitness expert, connection strategist, creator of the Abundant Entrepreneur Summit, wife, and fur mom. Each week, these episodes are filled with stories, strategies, and expertise given by guest entrepreneurs from all across the world, as well as bonus episodes, from me, that will energize, empower and support you in your journey through entrepreneurship. Get ready to elevate your vibe and captivate your tribe. It's time we connect to our message, step into who we are truly meant to be, and become more abundant in life and business. Who is with me? Let's get started. Hey, everyone. I'm so glad to be back and I have another one of my amazing guests here. This is Keshia, she's a dating coach and I'm obviously going to let you tell us all about you, but thank you for being here, first of all, I appreciate it.
Keshia:
I'm happy to be here. Yeah.
Kamille:
I'm always talking to you about how important it is to connect, collaborate, and talk to other women about what's going on with you and what's going on in your life, and now is your opportunity to do that. And again, that's why I'm bringing on another amazing coach so that we can talk about that. We're gonna talk about connection today, and we're also gonna talk about how you can get on your own and you have this opportunity to really stand out online and show up for yourself and get confident with that. And obviously, you know, she has a whole different perspective when it comes to the dating side of it, but we're definitely going to get into that a little bit. Just you guys, if you are a single out there, you are starting to look, or if you are in a relationship. I know that you can definitely help with that a lot right now. Tell us just a little bit about you, what you do and then we'll get into it.
Keshia:
Sure. So I'm a dating coach as Kamille said. I've been doing this for about two years now and I help women learn how to, you know, really learn how to heal from past toxic relationships and learn how to step up and communicate their wants and needs, set those boundaries and learn how to go on dates with confidence and how to interact with people with confidence. And you know, that's one of the happy things about doing this today. Yeah. I'm a dating coach, but what I really teach women is how to connect. And that's something that I feel like in a generation where we're really obsessed with social media, those skills have gotten lost.
Kamille:
Yeah, I definitely, I mean, obviously you're so amazing and so insightful and that's why I'm so happy to have you here today. And as we go into talking about connection, you guys obviously, like she said, she's a dating coach, but connection has to do with also your female connections, your women's connections that I think get lost in this day and age, like you said, because we're so wrapped up. I've seen so many people talk about how they're addicted to Tik Tok now. And they haven't even had calls with their friends this entire time. And so tell us, I know we were talking about this a little bit before, but tell us a little bit about how important connection is to you and how you help your clients really get into that with, you know, learning to actually connect with people on a different level and what they're doing now to help them, how you're helping them do that now, when we don't, we can't meet in person and we can't speak in person.
Keshia:
Again, like not that I want to say social media is a bad thing because it has helped me meet so many amazing women, like you for example, that being said, we've gotten into this bit where everything is quick soundbites, like Instagram stories and Tik Tok which are short. You know, we have these short captions on Facebook and on Instagram and everything. And one thing that I really want women to get back to you is a deep, meaningful connection. So really taking the time to get to know someone beyond what is it that you do for a living or, you know, what's your favorite color. Deep interactions and you know, for my clients right now, some of them freak the heck out to be honest, when coronavirus started, because they were like, okay, well, I'm getting out of here and I'm dating, can't go out and date and I'll tell them, no, you don't realize what a blessing you have right now, because now you have this whole intermediate step. So you've met a guy on an app or you've been texting him. And instead of going straight to the in-person connection where it let's be real, you're going to have hormones. And then, you know, your head thinking, okay, is there going to be a kiss at the end of this date and all that good stuff now you have the time where you can really connect with someone face to face with zoom, with Skype, with Google hangouts and where you get this chance to go deeper and have dates. You know, still dress up. No background and eat dinner together and things like that. And you have the opportunity to do it where there's some of the pressure off because you're not interacting in person.
Kamille:
That's so funny. I was talking to someone about this the other day, about how that love is blind show, right before all this happened. And I was like, Whoa, that's like so weird because that was all about connecting with someone without even ever seeing their face, just talking to them and getting to know them and hear them. And I just think it's so funny. Cause I, I watched the show like recently cause everyone was raving about it, but I was like, Oh my God, that's crazy. This is really what we're going through. Now we have to get to know each other without any touching, really getting any kind of physical chemistry that maybe that lusty chemistry that you're used to. And you really get to know someone. And I really think that it is so important to do that just every day, but we lose that. And now we have that opportunity to do that now, which is so amazing.
Keshia:
This is a great opportunity for all of us to refine our communication skills. You know, for some reason I attract a lot of introverts. With them, there's this great opportunity to be like, Hey, now you can really take some baby steps towards getting more out in person. Me, I am an extrovert and I also grew up where we're huggers. So this has been an adjustment. But ot's been great for me because it has forced me to kind of go to, you know, physical touch was a big way that I connected with my, you know they were having a bad day. I'm the first to reach out for a hug and now it's like, okay, so now we have to slow down and I have to find another way to, you know, virtually hug them, find another way to give it. And to get that feeling that you're right now that you wouldn't normally, and how that's so funny, because I'm like the opposite of that. Like I'm not a very touchy feely person. And I'm obviously home with my husband a lot right now. And you know, like, I mean, I obviously am always with him and I hang out with him, we watch TV together, but it has been like, you know, we have to like, we're not going to sit there and just watch TV all day or we're, you know, like we can't go out on a Saturday night to have dinner out, which we would normally kind of do maybe like a sushi Saturday or something. And we can't do that right now. So it's like those times with actual things, like, I think we spent all last night just sitting by our fire pit outside. And I mean, we do that during the summer here and there, but it was like, okay, you know, we needed that.
Kamille:
Like something outside of what we're used to, when it comes to our connecting in our relationship and we've been together for almost nine years, you know, there's times where it gets kind of complacent and we have to make those steps, but it's actually been kind of nice. I'm not the mushy person and it's like, I think he's feeling more connected, which is great. Like, I love that because I know that that's a part of me that needs some work and we grow closer because of that, so I love hearing that it's true. Like we have to learn, we're learning how to connect in a different way than we maybe were used to, you know? And like we don't, we're not used to being like, I'm not used to being super squishy.
Keshia:
I do think that that is one of those hidden blessings. My husband and I just celebrated our one year wedding anniversary. So we had a romantic candlelight dinner. We got dressed up and we had to take out Olive Garden. I have a friend who, you know, he and his friend, the friend's birthday is coming up. So they're going to cook dinner together and FaceTime and talk over dinner and everything because normally they will go out to a restaurant. So I think this is forcing us to be more creative.
Kamille:
Yeah, definitely. I say that I've been saying that in our like business aspects, life aspects, we're having to be, we're having to change what our normal thought process is. And again, sometimes we become very complacent like in our situation, you know, we just go for our day to day and it becomes very, like, we're not, we're just going through the motions instead of actually like thinking about it and enjoying those moments. And I was even saying how much, like my, you know, my mom was talking about earlier, I was talking to her and she was saying how like, Oh, you know, like I, I miss being at the beach and whatever. And I was like, you know how much we're going to enjoy that, the moment that we actually are able to go out, we're going to appreciate things so much more. And it's going to be such a different thing than now.
Kamille:
We get to be creative and think of things and appreciate things. I appreciate little things like that so much more like I can't wait, I can't wait to go out to the beach. And like, just like those, those things that you just don't get yet. And we did the same thing. We did like a wine tasting throughout our house. So like we just the kitchen and we had like a little charcuterie board and we were like, we put like the white wine to start and then we took the other like darker wines outside by the fire pit. And then another one, we just kinda move it around. And we just pretended like, it was a little wine tasting that we were doing around our house. And like, that's like something I would have never done ever. Let's go wine tasting, let's go out. You know, I wouldn't have been able to think of that.
Keshia:
I think some of those things will carry over long after this is over.
Kamille:
Yeah. And I think it's amazing. But with that said, I mean, I could go on about that stuff, but I know for me, and a lot of my followers and audience are women in business, female entrepreneurs, and we are having to use online obviously to build our businesses. Even if we were an in person business, it's become our only option at the moment. And what women have a, I have my clients personally to have had issues with getting their face in front of a camera feeling, not very confident about how they feel. And I know that you work a lot with confidence and women. What would you say to some of them in regards to just having to put themselves out there right now and kind of almost in a forced situation. So it's kind of, like you said, with the zoom calls and the dating it's, even though it's different and it's cool and it's an opportunity, it's still a forced situation that they might not feel comfortable with. What would you say to them about that?
Keshia:
So I want women to think about the fact that so many of the women that I work with, so I know you can probably relate to this as well are perfectionists, and there's this whole thing of, I can't do this. I can't step out and do that. And so everything is perfect. Well, right now, pretty much nothing is perfect. There's, there's so much going on in the world. And I think a lot of people are a lot more understanding of that. You know, for me, a pretty funny example is if you look at my Instagram profile, you'll see that my hair is different in different pictures. And I just started straightening my hair more often and I'm in Atlanta. We cannot go to a salon right now. So this is my natural hair, this is what God gave me. You know, it's not like I had a problem with that, But that was one of my first thoughts. It was like, Oh wait, I just started doing this. And now all of a sudden, my next pictures are going to be different. But things like that, just keeping in mind that we talked so much about authenticity. Some of us are forced to be a little bit more authentic now, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Kamille:
Yeah. I agree. I mean, I used to wear a full face of makeup every time these videos. Every time I did an IG story, it would have to be done. I would read, pre-record like 10 stories, 10 IGTVs on one Saturday because I knew I was going out. So I'd get my makeup done. And then I'd record and then I changed my shirt a couple of times and I felt like I had to have like a full face of makeup and my hair done and all that because this no makeup, I just pulled my hair out of a bun. There's nothing cute going on right now. But it took a little while yes to get out of that, like feeling that I had to be perfect. But people enjoy knowing and seeing the real you over that, like perfectly made up, like if you're all made up and you're on quarantine people are going to be like, what's this girl doing?
Keshia:
Everyone is watching you from home in their pajamas. The fact that you put on a tee shirt is more dressed up than they are right now. So get over those things.
Kamille:
No, truly it's true. And I used to do it for the longest time. And then I started doing these interviews and I was just meeting so many women that were so confident with themselves, no matter what. And I was just like, and, and people that really saw me for me. And once I started doing those videos where I was more free and didn't feel like I had to put on a full face of makeup, I connected with women so much more because that's not even who I am. I'm not even someone who likes to wear makeup. I wear makeup like once a month, the makeup in a video. And I barely own a concealer. It just doesn't match who I was anyways. But getting on for you, like, I mean, what do you tell your women when they say, okay, well now I have to do a zoom call. What, what should I do? I mean, obviously they're going to get done because it's kind of a date, but are there any like tips or pointers that you kind of give them when they're going to go on these calls, make them feel better about the situation?
Keshia:
Yeah. So with my clients and also, you know, you know how it is when you're a business, we have a ton of business friends as well. So I get asked that sometimes for some of them as well, first of all, good lighting, good lighting makes a world of difference.
Kamille:
Try a daytime one, natural light.
Keshia:
Natural light, as much as you can. The other thing is, you know, this background right now is this was 10 bucks on Amazon.
Kamille:
I love it. It's super cute.
Keshia:
So order that or nowadays zoom does virtual backgrounds. If you have a blank wall there are a lot of dating apps that are now starting to set up virtual backgrounds for the same reason. So check with, you know, if you're going on a date, if you're doing something for business, for Facebook or Instagram check with whatever platform you use, you may be surprised at how many, you know, virtual backgrounds there are. Facebook has face filters. I will not name her name, but I know a business coach who uses a filter that makes her face look way more made up than it is. This is a great time to experiment with that.
Kamille:
Feel good about it. And you know, I think that it's the confidence. I think some people think like we come on here and we're so confident. I've heard that people have said that to me before. Like you are so confident online, you look good. Like, it seems so easy for you. And I'm like, girl, if you felt my back right now, that's sweating. No matter who I'm talking to, no matter who I'm interviewing. Yeah I mean I'm comfortable because I do it and practice it. This is the perfect time to start practicing. Especially if you're a business I've been talking to a lot of my women, they've been wanting to go online more. I deal with a lot of in person businesses as well. And a lot of them, this is your opportunity. Like this is the way to go. And now you get to practice. Like the only way I became comfortable with not wearing makeup and just feeling comfortable, speaking to other people that I've never met in person was practicing. Like getting on here and just keep doing it, keep doing it. And I think that's what they'll get comfortable with. I mean, if I feel like it's not just about confidence, but you'll start to feel confident with that practice.
Keshia:
You really, you really just have to do it. Like when you were talking about how you used to record all these videos in advance, I can relate to it so much because that was the whole reason why I started going live. I was recording to the point where nothing was ever getting posted because I was so afraid of it. I wanted it to be perfect. So one day it just came to my head. I was like, look, this is never going to get done if you record videos. So I went on Facebook, I hit the live button and it was like three, two, one. Okay. I had to start talking. And so I did it. And you know, this is to get support as well. I think a lot of women discount that one of my very first live videos. So actually it was the second live video after that one where I was just like, let, to get it done with the second time around, you know, I'm East coast time. I did the video at 11 at night and I got two of my friends too. You know, I made them stay and be on live, literally talking to two of my friends. So like, even, even if you're doing it in the middle of the day, ask some of your friends, they're not doing much right now anyways. So ask a couple of your friends to join in the live and then think, you know, screw everyone else. I'm talking to these girls, these are the only two I'm talking to, you know? And then that'll help you feel more comfortable as well.
Kamille:
Yeah, I do that too. Like I have obviously a lot of my communities that I build and I grow, I've asked them, I've just said like, Hey, no, like you don't mind coming to support. Like I really appreciate it. And sometimes it would just be them, it wouldn't be any new customers or new people, but at least it made me feel like you said, I was talking to them. And I felt like it came off really natural because I really talked to them all the time on a daily basis, like online. So it's like me talking to them, which is amazing. And I love that feeling. And I think that that kind of all goes back into our connection part where we don't think social media is a bad thing. It can be if you use it in the wrong way, or you're just stuck on it and looking at competition things or messing with your creativity.
Kamille:
But if it's something where you're going to start meeting people that are going to help and support you, the way that we support each other, you know, and we have people that will come to our lives and watch us. That's what, that's what you need like, and this is the perfect opportunity to start building all of that, you know, meeting new people, reach out to us and we'll help you like meeting new people. I do that all the time and I love that, but I just want to, before we wrap up, when we get out of this, I really wanted to ask you for you. Obviously, you're kind of having to pivot a little bit in your business, but I've been talking a little bit about pivoting with my clients actually a lot, because like I said, a lot of them have in person businesses, and now they're having to learn to be online, but with your clients, obviously some of them are now having to pivot from that, like going out to dates.
Kamille:
You're not teaching them how to get out there. You're not teaching them. You know, it's a little bit different. How has that been for you? Because I know a lot of people are having a ton of trouble and they're kind of stuck in this, like lack of motivation, nervousness, unknown. And we all don't know when this is all going to kind of where we're going to be pulled out of it. So what, what have you had to do or how have you pivoted a little bit in your business? Because obviously we're even saying you have to teach your people now how to get zoom calls or do Zoom calls from a dating app now rather than going out? How has that been for you as a business owner?
Keshia:
So I think one kind of big blessing is that my head in the sand so much, and I was focused on, you know, working on this funnel and, you know, making sure that the sales page was, was great. It was great. And all of this, you know, seeing you seeing some of our other friends talking about connecting, I started to be like, you know what I should be doing things like what you and I are doing right now. I should be doing more interviews. I should be reaching out and connecting more. I started getting into the DMs of some of my ideal clients. Starting conversations which is something I wasn't doing, you know, when it comes to pricing, didn't lower my prices, but I started offering extended payment plans. And that has been a blessing. Some of the women who wanted to work with me and couldn't swing it and also just, you know, right now we're, we're in a place where, okay, so you're not going out as much. So with my clients it has kind of been a blessing for me because I start my clients working on, you know, the inner stuff, those limiting beliefs about, you know, forgiveness, healing from those past toxic relationships. And then we get into the attraction. So oftentimes a woman comes to me and she's in her hurry to go to that whole attraction dating part. So from that perspective, it's kind of been a blessing cause I'm like, you're not going out as much right now. Let's really work. We have plenty of time to work on that.
Kamille:
You're not going to meet him soon so you might as well work on the inner work. That's actually very true. And I love your perspective on it. And obviously I'm always looking at your post and watching you. And I've seen that perspective of being able to switch into that positive thought process of what's going on rather than being stuck in this, like this feeling of like, there's no hope, I guess you could say. And I know that you do that a lot with your clients is like bringing that to them, building their confidence, making them feel hopeful in this situation. And that is exactly what needs to be done right now. And I think that, you know, it's, it's a moment to be hopeful. It is we, we have been given the chance by the universe to kind of reset, rethink, recreate, and now we get to go back out there with a whole different mindset of it.
Kamille:
And, and I think that, that it gives for me, it gives me hope because even like you said, it's the little things that we eat like earlier that we were talking about, like that we didn't even realize we're in, we're changing or create recreating or making it so that these are all things we probably would have never done if we hadn't ended up where we are right now. And yes, it came really fast and it was really scary and it still is. And it's, you know, it is an unknown. And of course, even for us as business owners, it's very scary. You know, we didn't know how things were going to go, but I think that that's, that's so amazing. That's like the perfect thing to say to people because they think that, that, that thought of like, Hey, now we just, now we're just going to spend more time doing the things that we wouldn't have because we were going to jump out there and get out there and start dating rather than taking the more time to work on ourselves. And do you, do you work with, what have them really asked you? One last thing before we go, what are some of the things that you have your clients work on, especially now that they get to work on themselves from home? What are some things that you could offer? Like any woman that I have out there right now, like tips to working on themselves, they have the time to do that, which they normally wouldn't usually.
Keshia:
Yeah. So I would say one of the biggest things is forgiveness. I see so many women who are in a rush to get past, you know, that bad relationship. And they'll just like, you know, he hurt me and now I just want to move on and find someone who's going to treat me well. So I encourage you moving on and really taking the time to evaluate that relationship. If taking the time to look at what you learned, what the relationship taught you, if released that person, then are you going to attract the same man with a different face? So that one's a huge one for me, is that forgiveness. And also being on the confidence, you know, one of the things that talk with this whole situation and, you know, women not getting support, I have women, Hey, get together with your friends. And this is a great bonding thing to get on zoom and Skype and FaceTime. Try on your date night outfits from where you can go and you can talk with your friends and you're having that bonding time. And you can also be like, okay, when I can go back out, I know I look good in this. I know I look good in that, you know?
Kamille:
Yeah. I feeling confident and be like, yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. I really think I've been saying this a lot too. This is like, I mean, I feel, even though I work from home, most of the time, I still don't feel like I always have enough time to ever work on me. You know, like I do. I do take that self care time just because I've learned as an entrepreneur for so many years that I need those times. But at the same time, it's like, I still always feel like I'm so busy that I don't have to work on myself. I now have it right now.
Keshia:
That's one thing that was one thing for me is you're you're right. When we're in business, we're taught so much self care is so important. And I was taking that time to myself, but I started to realize, especially since I got married, some of my female relationships were slipping and it was like, I need that connection. And this has been amazing for me to just kind of reconnect with some of my friends and be like, Hey I f'ed up, like, I haven't been as present since I've gotten married. I haven't been as present since this has happened. And let's start that back back again. Let's get that connection back.
Kamille:
Yeah. I feel like, again, this is the perfect time to do all the things that you and self care can be. That can be like reconnecting with the people that, you know, we're going to be such a good influence in your life. And you miss that relationship and you need that person, but you let that slip because like you said, you're married or whatever that situation and we've all done it. You know, I've been with my husband. We've only been, we haven't been married for a year, but we've been together for almost nine years. And in the beginning, I totally disregarded everyone else. You know, it was him like all the time. And not me, me, me, I just, you know, I was wrapped up in all the fun of it. And like I needed my friends. I needed the people that were outside of that relationship.
Kamille:
And I love being with him. I could be with him 24/7 to be honest, but, and that's how I feel about my relationship, but I, I need that. You need some other outside person. He is my best friend, but I have other best friends too, that we're going to always be there in a different way for me. And you need that outside of this.
Keshia:
And that's pressure on the husband, too, for those of you who are in relationships, this idea of making someone, all your things, the person that you do, all the things with is pressure on them from the pressure when you're like, Hey, I have girlfriends I can go hang out with, or that I can go hop on a zoom chat with.
Kamille:
And I agree that I definitely have to get you back on to talk more about relationships and stuff like that. I just really wanted to give people some hope right now, see where other people are at in their business has been so good and so helpful. And I appreciate that. And you guys connect, you know, I'm always talking about connection. I'm all about connection. I have most of my programs or masterminds. I don't even do non-group situations because I want people to learn from other people. And it's so important for me. And so thank you so much for talking about connection and confidence and tell them where you can find you and any information, or if you're offering anything right now that could help any of my, like I said, a lot of female entrepreneurs that are female business women that follow me. So let them know where they can find you.
Keshia:
Um yeah, sure. So I am at Keshia Rice on Instagram and just for the spelling is K E S H I A. And my website is Keshiarice.com. So pretty easy to find.
Kamille:
Amazing, and do you have anything that maybe you're offering right now or anything that people could maybe get some extra advice or just, should they reach out to you and kind of see what's a good fit?
Keshia:
So talking about those extended payment plans, my group program, the link is in my Instagram bio. So you can check that out and yeah, if you want to work with me, one-on-one totally just reach out.
Kamille:
Thank you so much for coming on. I appreciate it. And thank you. And then I'll put her information all in the description, so to have it, but thank you again.
Keshia:
This was really fun. Like we should, we should just do more of these.
Kamille:
Yes, I'm going to have to bring you on just for an entire relationships segment because that's a whole nother game.
Kamille:
Oh yeah that's a whole totally different thing.
Kamille:
Thank you guys so much for listening to the Abundant Entrepreneur Podcast. I am so happy you tuned in today. You can take a moment to share this episode with someone that needs to hear it. That would be amazing. Also, if you could head over to iTunes and give me an honest review, that will help me in making this podcast even better for those on their entrepreneurial journey. I want that completely honest review from everything you like to what you want to hear more, because that will only help me make this podcast even better. Again, thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.
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By Kamille CawleyEpisode Title: EPS: 9 - Making Real Connections w/ Dating Coach Keshia Rice
Episode summary introduction: On today’s show, we are talking with Keshia Rica, a dating coach who helps women learn how to heal from past toxic relationships and how to step up and communicate their wants and needs. She also teaches women how to set those boundaries and learn how to go on dates and interact with confidence. We dive into how to date during these difficult times and how to reconnect with past friendships as well.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Keshia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/keshiarice/
- Keshia’s Website: http://www.keshiarice.com/
What is TAES?:
The Abundant Entrepreneur Summit 2.0 is a 3-Day Virtual Women's Event held November 12th, 13th & 14th hosted by Kamille Cawley.
Episode transcript:
Keshia:
Check with whatever platform you use, you may be surprised at how many virtual backgrounds there are. Facebook has face filters. I will not name her name, but I know a business coach who uses a filter that makes her face look way more made up than it is.
Kamille:
Welcome to the Abundant Entrepreneur Podcast. I'm your host, Kamille Cawley, two time business owner, fitness expert, connection strategist, creator of the Abundant Entrepreneur Summit, wife, and fur mom. Each week, these episodes are filled with stories, strategies, and expertise given by guest entrepreneurs from all across the world, as well as bonus episodes, from me, that will energize, empower and support you in your journey through entrepreneurship. Get ready to elevate your vibe and captivate your tribe. It's time we connect to our message, step into who we are truly meant to be, and become more abundant in life and business. Who is with me? Let's get started. Hey, everyone. I'm so glad to be back and I have another one of my amazing guests here. This is Keshia, she's a dating coach and I'm obviously going to let you tell us all about you, but thank you for being here, first of all, I appreciate it.
Keshia:
I'm happy to be here. Yeah.
Kamille:
I'm always talking to you about how important it is to connect, collaborate, and talk to other women about what's going on with you and what's going on in your life, and now is your opportunity to do that. And again, that's why I'm bringing on another amazing coach so that we can talk about that. We're gonna talk about connection today, and we're also gonna talk about how you can get on your own and you have this opportunity to really stand out online and show up for yourself and get confident with that. And obviously, you know, she has a whole different perspective when it comes to the dating side of it, but we're definitely going to get into that a little bit. Just you guys, if you are a single out there, you are starting to look, or if you are in a relationship. I know that you can definitely help with that a lot right now. Tell us just a little bit about you, what you do and then we'll get into it.
Keshia:
Sure. So I'm a dating coach as Kamille said. I've been doing this for about two years now and I help women learn how to, you know, really learn how to heal from past toxic relationships and learn how to step up and communicate their wants and needs, set those boundaries and learn how to go on dates with confidence and how to interact with people with confidence. And you know, that's one of the happy things about doing this today. Yeah. I'm a dating coach, but what I really teach women is how to connect. And that's something that I feel like in a generation where we're really obsessed with social media, those skills have gotten lost.
Kamille:
Yeah, I definitely, I mean, obviously you're so amazing and so insightful and that's why I'm so happy to have you here today. And as we go into talking about connection, you guys obviously, like she said, she's a dating coach, but connection has to do with also your female connections, your women's connections that I think get lost in this day and age, like you said, because we're so wrapped up. I've seen so many people talk about how they're addicted to Tik Tok now. And they haven't even had calls with their friends this entire time. And so tell us, I know we were talking about this a little bit before, but tell us a little bit about how important connection is to you and how you help your clients really get into that with, you know, learning to actually connect with people on a different level and what they're doing now to help them, how you're helping them do that now, when we don't, we can't meet in person and we can't speak in person.
Keshia:
Again, like not that I want to say social media is a bad thing because it has helped me meet so many amazing women, like you for example, that being said, we've gotten into this bit where everything is quick soundbites, like Instagram stories and Tik Tok which are short. You know, we have these short captions on Facebook and on Instagram and everything. And one thing that I really want women to get back to you is a deep, meaningful connection. So really taking the time to get to know someone beyond what is it that you do for a living or, you know, what's your favorite color. Deep interactions and you know, for my clients right now, some of them freak the heck out to be honest, when coronavirus started, because they were like, okay, well, I'm getting out of here and I'm dating, can't go out and date and I'll tell them, no, you don't realize what a blessing you have right now, because now you have this whole intermediate step. So you've met a guy on an app or you've been texting him. And instead of going straight to the in-person connection where it let's be real, you're going to have hormones. And then, you know, your head thinking, okay, is there going to be a kiss at the end of this date and all that good stuff now you have the time where you can really connect with someone face to face with zoom, with Skype, with Google hangouts and where you get this chance to go deeper and have dates. You know, still dress up. No background and eat dinner together and things like that. And you have the opportunity to do it where there's some of the pressure off because you're not interacting in person.
Kamille:
That's so funny. I was talking to someone about this the other day, about how that love is blind show, right before all this happened. And I was like, Whoa, that's like so weird because that was all about connecting with someone without even ever seeing their face, just talking to them and getting to know them and hear them. And I just think it's so funny. Cause I, I watched the show like recently cause everyone was raving about it, but I was like, Oh my God, that's crazy. This is really what we're going through. Now we have to get to know each other without any touching, really getting any kind of physical chemistry that maybe that lusty chemistry that you're used to. And you really get to know someone. And I really think that it is so important to do that just every day, but we lose that. And now we have that opportunity to do that now, which is so amazing.
Keshia:
This is a great opportunity for all of us to refine our communication skills. You know, for some reason I attract a lot of introverts. With them, there's this great opportunity to be like, Hey, now you can really take some baby steps towards getting more out in person. Me, I am an extrovert and I also grew up where we're huggers. So this has been an adjustment. But ot's been great for me because it has forced me to kind of go to, you know, physical touch was a big way that I connected with my, you know they were having a bad day. I'm the first to reach out for a hug and now it's like, okay, so now we have to slow down and I have to find another way to, you know, virtually hug them, find another way to give it. And to get that feeling that you're right now that you wouldn't normally, and how that's so funny, because I'm like the opposite of that. Like I'm not a very touchy feely person. And I'm obviously home with my husband a lot right now. And you know, like, I mean, I obviously am always with him and I hang out with him, we watch TV together, but it has been like, you know, we have to like, we're not going to sit there and just watch TV all day or we're, you know, like we can't go out on a Saturday night to have dinner out, which we would normally kind of do maybe like a sushi Saturday or something. And we can't do that right now. So it's like those times with actual things, like, I think we spent all last night just sitting by our fire pit outside. And I mean, we do that during the summer here and there, but it was like, okay, you know, we needed that.
Kamille:
Like something outside of what we're used to, when it comes to our connecting in our relationship and we've been together for almost nine years, you know, there's times where it gets kind of complacent and we have to make those steps, but it's actually been kind of nice. I'm not the mushy person and it's like, I think he's feeling more connected, which is great. Like, I love that because I know that that's a part of me that needs some work and we grow closer because of that, so I love hearing that it's true. Like we have to learn, we're learning how to connect in a different way than we maybe were used to, you know? And like we don't, we're not used to being like, I'm not used to being super squishy.
Keshia:
I do think that that is one of those hidden blessings. My husband and I just celebrated our one year wedding anniversary. So we had a romantic candlelight dinner. We got dressed up and we had to take out Olive Garden. I have a friend who, you know, he and his friend, the friend's birthday is coming up. So they're going to cook dinner together and FaceTime and talk over dinner and everything because normally they will go out to a restaurant. So I think this is forcing us to be more creative.
Kamille:
Yeah, definitely. I say that I've been saying that in our like business aspects, life aspects, we're having to be, we're having to change what our normal thought process is. And again, sometimes we become very complacent like in our situation, you know, we just go for our day to day and it becomes very, like, we're not, we're just going through the motions instead of actually like thinking about it and enjoying those moments. And I was even saying how much, like my, you know, my mom was talking about earlier, I was talking to her and she was saying how like, Oh, you know, like I, I miss being at the beach and whatever. And I was like, you know how much we're going to enjoy that, the moment that we actually are able to go out, we're going to appreciate things so much more. And it's going to be such a different thing than now.
Kamille:
We get to be creative and think of things and appreciate things. I appreciate little things like that so much more like I can't wait, I can't wait to go out to the beach. And like, just like those, those things that you just don't get yet. And we did the same thing. We did like a wine tasting throughout our house. So like we just the kitchen and we had like a little charcuterie board and we were like, we put like the white wine to start and then we took the other like darker wines outside by the fire pit. And then another one, we just kinda move it around. And we just pretended like, it was a little wine tasting that we were doing around our house. And like, that's like something I would have never done ever. Let's go wine tasting, let's go out. You know, I wouldn't have been able to think of that.
Keshia:
I think some of those things will carry over long after this is over.
Kamille:
Yeah. And I think it's amazing. But with that said, I mean, I could go on about that stuff, but I know for me, and a lot of my followers and audience are women in business, female entrepreneurs, and we are having to use online obviously to build our businesses. Even if we were an in person business, it's become our only option at the moment. And what women have a, I have my clients personally to have had issues with getting their face in front of a camera feeling, not very confident about how they feel. And I know that you work a lot with confidence and women. What would you say to some of them in regards to just having to put themselves out there right now and kind of almost in a forced situation. So it's kind of, like you said, with the zoom calls and the dating it's, even though it's different and it's cool and it's an opportunity, it's still a forced situation that they might not feel comfortable with. What would you say to them about that?
Keshia:
So I want women to think about the fact that so many of the women that I work with, so I know you can probably relate to this as well are perfectionists, and there's this whole thing of, I can't do this. I can't step out and do that. And so everything is perfect. Well, right now, pretty much nothing is perfect. There's, there's so much going on in the world. And I think a lot of people are a lot more understanding of that. You know, for me, a pretty funny example is if you look at my Instagram profile, you'll see that my hair is different in different pictures. And I just started straightening my hair more often and I'm in Atlanta. We cannot go to a salon right now. So this is my natural hair, this is what God gave me. You know, it's not like I had a problem with that, But that was one of my first thoughts. It was like, Oh wait, I just started doing this. And now all of a sudden, my next pictures are going to be different. But things like that, just keeping in mind that we talked so much about authenticity. Some of us are forced to be a little bit more authentic now, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Kamille:
Yeah. I agree. I mean, I used to wear a full face of makeup every time these videos. Every time I did an IG story, it would have to be done. I would read, pre-record like 10 stories, 10 IGTVs on one Saturday because I knew I was going out. So I'd get my makeup done. And then I'd record and then I changed my shirt a couple of times and I felt like I had to have like a full face of makeup and my hair done and all that because this no makeup, I just pulled my hair out of a bun. There's nothing cute going on right now. But it took a little while yes to get out of that, like feeling that I had to be perfect. But people enjoy knowing and seeing the real you over that, like perfectly made up, like if you're all made up and you're on quarantine people are going to be like, what's this girl doing?
Keshia:
Everyone is watching you from home in their pajamas. The fact that you put on a tee shirt is more dressed up than they are right now. So get over those things.
Kamille:
No, truly it's true. And I used to do it for the longest time. And then I started doing these interviews and I was just meeting so many women that were so confident with themselves, no matter what. And I was just like, and, and people that really saw me for me. And once I started doing those videos where I was more free and didn't feel like I had to put on a full face of makeup, I connected with women so much more because that's not even who I am. I'm not even someone who likes to wear makeup. I wear makeup like once a month, the makeup in a video. And I barely own a concealer. It just doesn't match who I was anyways. But getting on for you, like, I mean, what do you tell your women when they say, okay, well now I have to do a zoom call. What, what should I do? I mean, obviously they're going to get done because it's kind of a date, but are there any like tips or pointers that you kind of give them when they're going to go on these calls, make them feel better about the situation?
Keshia:
Yeah. So with my clients and also, you know, you know how it is when you're a business, we have a ton of business friends as well. So I get asked that sometimes for some of them as well, first of all, good lighting, good lighting makes a world of difference.
Kamille:
Try a daytime one, natural light.
Keshia:
Natural light, as much as you can. The other thing is, you know, this background right now is this was 10 bucks on Amazon.
Kamille:
I love it. It's super cute.
Keshia:
So order that or nowadays zoom does virtual backgrounds. If you have a blank wall there are a lot of dating apps that are now starting to set up virtual backgrounds for the same reason. So check with, you know, if you're going on a date, if you're doing something for business, for Facebook or Instagram check with whatever platform you use, you may be surprised at how many, you know, virtual backgrounds there are. Facebook has face filters. I will not name her name, but I know a business coach who uses a filter that makes her face look way more made up than it is. This is a great time to experiment with that.
Kamille:
Feel good about it. And you know, I think that it's the confidence. I think some people think like we come on here and we're so confident. I've heard that people have said that to me before. Like you are so confident online, you look good. Like, it seems so easy for you. And I'm like, girl, if you felt my back right now, that's sweating. No matter who I'm talking to, no matter who I'm interviewing. Yeah I mean I'm comfortable because I do it and practice it. This is the perfect time to start practicing. Especially if you're a business I've been talking to a lot of my women, they've been wanting to go online more. I deal with a lot of in person businesses as well. And a lot of them, this is your opportunity. Like this is the way to go. And now you get to practice. Like the only way I became comfortable with not wearing makeup and just feeling comfortable, speaking to other people that I've never met in person was practicing. Like getting on here and just keep doing it, keep doing it. And I think that's what they'll get comfortable with. I mean, if I feel like it's not just about confidence, but you'll start to feel confident with that practice.
Keshia:
You really, you really just have to do it. Like when you were talking about how you used to record all these videos in advance, I can relate to it so much because that was the whole reason why I started going live. I was recording to the point where nothing was ever getting posted because I was so afraid of it. I wanted it to be perfect. So one day it just came to my head. I was like, look, this is never going to get done if you record videos. So I went on Facebook, I hit the live button and it was like three, two, one. Okay. I had to start talking. And so I did it. And you know, this is to get support as well. I think a lot of women discount that one of my very first live videos. So actually it was the second live video after that one where I was just like, let, to get it done with the second time around, you know, I'm East coast time. I did the video at 11 at night and I got two of my friends too. You know, I made them stay and be on live, literally talking to two of my friends. So like, even, even if you're doing it in the middle of the day, ask some of your friends, they're not doing much right now anyways. So ask a couple of your friends to join in the live and then think, you know, screw everyone else. I'm talking to these girls, these are the only two I'm talking to, you know? And then that'll help you feel more comfortable as well.
Kamille:
Yeah, I do that too. Like I have obviously a lot of my communities that I build and I grow, I've asked them, I've just said like, Hey, no, like you don't mind coming to support. Like I really appreciate it. And sometimes it would just be them, it wouldn't be any new customers or new people, but at least it made me feel like you said, I was talking to them. And I felt like it came off really natural because I really talked to them all the time on a daily basis, like online. So it's like me talking to them, which is amazing. And I love that feeling. And I think that that kind of all goes back into our connection part where we don't think social media is a bad thing. It can be if you use it in the wrong way, or you're just stuck on it and looking at competition things or messing with your creativity.
Kamille:
But if it's something where you're going to start meeting people that are going to help and support you, the way that we support each other, you know, and we have people that will come to our lives and watch us. That's what, that's what you need like, and this is the perfect opportunity to start building all of that, you know, meeting new people, reach out to us and we'll help you like meeting new people. I do that all the time and I love that, but I just want to, before we wrap up, when we get out of this, I really wanted to ask you for you. Obviously, you're kind of having to pivot a little bit in your business, but I've been talking a little bit about pivoting with my clients actually a lot, because like I said, a lot of them have in person businesses, and now they're having to learn to be online, but with your clients, obviously some of them are now having to pivot from that, like going out to dates.
Kamille:
You're not teaching them how to get out there. You're not teaching them. You know, it's a little bit different. How has that been for you? Because I know a lot of people are having a ton of trouble and they're kind of stuck in this, like lack of motivation, nervousness, unknown. And we all don't know when this is all going to kind of where we're going to be pulled out of it. So what, what have you had to do or how have you pivoted a little bit in your business? Because obviously we're even saying you have to teach your people now how to get zoom calls or do Zoom calls from a dating app now rather than going out? How has that been for you as a business owner?
Keshia:
So I think one kind of big blessing is that my head in the sand so much, and I was focused on, you know, working on this funnel and, you know, making sure that the sales page was, was great. It was great. And all of this, you know, seeing you seeing some of our other friends talking about connecting, I started to be like, you know what I should be doing things like what you and I are doing right now. I should be doing more interviews. I should be reaching out and connecting more. I started getting into the DMs of some of my ideal clients. Starting conversations which is something I wasn't doing, you know, when it comes to pricing, didn't lower my prices, but I started offering extended payment plans. And that has been a blessing. Some of the women who wanted to work with me and couldn't swing it and also just, you know, right now we're, we're in a place where, okay, so you're not going out as much. So with my clients it has kind of been a blessing for me because I start my clients working on, you know, the inner stuff, those limiting beliefs about, you know, forgiveness, healing from those past toxic relationships. And then we get into the attraction. So oftentimes a woman comes to me and she's in her hurry to go to that whole attraction dating part. So from that perspective, it's kind of been a blessing cause I'm like, you're not going out as much right now. Let's really work. We have plenty of time to work on that.
Kamille:
You're not going to meet him soon so you might as well work on the inner work. That's actually very true. And I love your perspective on it. And obviously I'm always looking at your post and watching you. And I've seen that perspective of being able to switch into that positive thought process of what's going on rather than being stuck in this, like this feeling of like, there's no hope, I guess you could say. And I know that you do that a lot with your clients is like bringing that to them, building their confidence, making them feel hopeful in this situation. And that is exactly what needs to be done right now. And I think that, you know, it's, it's a moment to be hopeful. It is we, we have been given the chance by the universe to kind of reset, rethink, recreate, and now we get to go back out there with a whole different mindset of it.
Kamille:
And, and I think that, that it gives for me, it gives me hope because even like you said, it's the little things that we eat like earlier that we were talking about, like that we didn't even realize we're in, we're changing or create recreating or making it so that these are all things we probably would have never done if we hadn't ended up where we are right now. And yes, it came really fast and it was really scary and it still is. And it's, you know, it is an unknown. And of course, even for us as business owners, it's very scary. You know, we didn't know how things were going to go, but I think that that's, that's so amazing. That's like the perfect thing to say to people because they think that, that, that thought of like, Hey, now we just, now we're just going to spend more time doing the things that we wouldn't have because we were going to jump out there and get out there and start dating rather than taking the more time to work on ourselves. And do you, do you work with, what have them really asked you? One last thing before we go, what are some of the things that you have your clients work on, especially now that they get to work on themselves from home? What are some things that you could offer? Like any woman that I have out there right now, like tips to working on themselves, they have the time to do that, which they normally wouldn't usually.
Keshia:
Yeah. So I would say one of the biggest things is forgiveness. I see so many women who are in a rush to get past, you know, that bad relationship. And they'll just like, you know, he hurt me and now I just want to move on and find someone who's going to treat me well. So I encourage you moving on and really taking the time to evaluate that relationship. If taking the time to look at what you learned, what the relationship taught you, if released that person, then are you going to attract the same man with a different face? So that one's a huge one for me, is that forgiveness. And also being on the confidence, you know, one of the things that talk with this whole situation and, you know, women not getting support, I have women, Hey, get together with your friends. And this is a great bonding thing to get on zoom and Skype and FaceTime. Try on your date night outfits from where you can go and you can talk with your friends and you're having that bonding time. And you can also be like, okay, when I can go back out, I know I look good in this. I know I look good in that, you know?
Kamille:
Yeah. I feeling confident and be like, yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. I really think I've been saying this a lot too. This is like, I mean, I feel, even though I work from home, most of the time, I still don't feel like I always have enough time to ever work on me. You know, like I do. I do take that self care time just because I've learned as an entrepreneur for so many years that I need those times. But at the same time, it's like, I still always feel like I'm so busy that I don't have to work on myself. I now have it right now.
Keshia:
That's one thing that was one thing for me is you're you're right. When we're in business, we're taught so much self care is so important. And I was taking that time to myself, but I started to realize, especially since I got married, some of my female relationships were slipping and it was like, I need that connection. And this has been amazing for me to just kind of reconnect with some of my friends and be like, Hey I f'ed up, like, I haven't been as present since I've gotten married. I haven't been as present since this has happened. And let's start that back back again. Let's get that connection back.
Kamille:
Yeah. I feel like, again, this is the perfect time to do all the things that you and self care can be. That can be like reconnecting with the people that, you know, we're going to be such a good influence in your life. And you miss that relationship and you need that person, but you let that slip because like you said, you're married or whatever that situation and we've all done it. You know, I've been with my husband. We've only been, we haven't been married for a year, but we've been together for almost nine years. And in the beginning, I totally disregarded everyone else. You know, it was him like all the time. And not me, me, me, I just, you know, I was wrapped up in all the fun of it. And like I needed my friends. I needed the people that were outside of that relationship.
Kamille:
And I love being with him. I could be with him 24/7 to be honest, but, and that's how I feel about my relationship, but I, I need that. You need some other outside person. He is my best friend, but I have other best friends too, that we're going to always be there in a different way for me. And you need that outside of this.
Keshia:
And that's pressure on the husband, too, for those of you who are in relationships, this idea of making someone, all your things, the person that you do, all the things with is pressure on them from the pressure when you're like, Hey, I have girlfriends I can go hang out with, or that I can go hop on a zoom chat with.
Kamille:
And I agree that I definitely have to get you back on to talk more about relationships and stuff like that. I just really wanted to give people some hope right now, see where other people are at in their business has been so good and so helpful. And I appreciate that. And you guys connect, you know, I'm always talking about connection. I'm all about connection. I have most of my programs or masterminds. I don't even do non-group situations because I want people to learn from other people. And it's so important for me. And so thank you so much for talking about connection and confidence and tell them where you can find you and any information, or if you're offering anything right now that could help any of my, like I said, a lot of female entrepreneurs that are female business women that follow me. So let them know where they can find you.
Keshia:
Um yeah, sure. So I am at Keshia Rice on Instagram and just for the spelling is K E S H I A. And my website is Keshiarice.com. So pretty easy to find.
Kamille:
Amazing, and do you have anything that maybe you're offering right now or anything that people could maybe get some extra advice or just, should they reach out to you and kind of see what's a good fit?
Keshia:
So talking about those extended payment plans, my group program, the link is in my Instagram bio. So you can check that out and yeah, if you want to work with me, one-on-one totally just reach out.
Kamille:
Thank you so much for coming on. I appreciate it. And thank you. And then I'll put her information all in the description, so to have it, but thank you again.
Keshia:
This was really fun. Like we should, we should just do more of these.
Kamille:
Yes, I'm going to have to bring you on just for an entire relationships segment because that's a whole nother game.
Kamille:
Oh yeah that's a whole totally different thing.
Kamille:
Thank you guys so much for listening to the Abundant Entrepreneur Podcast. I am so happy you tuned in today. You can take a moment to share this episode with someone that needs to hear it. That would be amazing. Also, if you could head over to iTunes and give me an honest review, that will help me in making this podcast even better for those on their entrepreneurial journey. I want that completely honest review from everything you like to what you want to hear more, because that will only help me make this podcast even better. Again, thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.