How dare Bryan and Candace question the Epstein files?! Quiet, piggies. The S&P 500 is up. At least that’s the energy coming from Washington when survivors ask for answers. Justice? Accountability? Transparency? Never heard of her. Billionaires getting richer? Focus on that instead.

Meanwhile, the royal family is experiencing its own highs and lows. Meghan Markle celebrates Black History Month while Prince Andrew revisits financial fallout tied to past controversies, including a very expensive “family-funded” settlement situation.

In other news, we start to realize it all feels connected: the distractions, the narratives, the selective outrage. From Jill Zarin’s ill-informed comments that cost her a gig, to the Free Britney movement, to the continued Epstein fallout (or lack thereof).

All of this while Candace fuels up on DayQuil and Bryan rides a full Loverboy high.