While we want to experience love and intimacy, it can often bring fears to the surface. The fears often have ties to previous pain and are subconscious or unconscious until we enter into a love relationship. In the episode, I reference the book "The Highly Sensitive Person In Love," by Elaine Aron.  (Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)   In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:   How fears of intimacy develop in one's life. Ways people distance themselves emotionally as a result of a fear of intimacy. How love and intimacy can be threatening.  Fear of exposure and rejection and how to deal with it.  Fear of angry attacks and what to do about it.  Fear of abandonment and how to take care of yourself.     "To me intimacy means being authentic, revealing to another your most private and true-in-this-moment self - thoughts, feelings, bodily self." by Elaine Aaron   Mentioned:   Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide The Highly Sensitive Person In Love, by Elaine Aaron ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) ERP 221: HOW TO RECOGNIZE AND WORK WITH SELF-SABOTAGE IN RELATIONSHIP AN INTERVIEW WITH BRIANNA WIEST (podcast) ERP 093: HOW THE “SHADOW” INFLUENCES OUR GROWTH IN LIFE AND IN RELATIONSHIP WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast) ERP 217: HOW TO DEAL WITH STONEWALLING IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast) Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks (book)  Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:   Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts  Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com     If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me. 

ERP 233: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy - Part One

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Keeping the flame of passion alive in a relationship can be a challenging endeavor, especially amidst the demands and stresses of everyday life. From managing work responsibilities to navigating household chores and family commitments, couples often find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of obligations, leaving little room for fun and positive connections. In this episode, we explore actionable strategies and valuable insights aimed at addressing the challenge of maintaining fun and positivity in a relationship. From practical tips to infuse joy into everyday moments to revitalizing the bond between partners, we offer guidance on reigniting the spark and fostering a deeper connection amidst life's demands. Arlene Pellicane is a renowned author and speaker specializing in marriage and parenting. She has been featured on numerous media outlets such as The Today Show, Wall Street Journal, Focus on the Family, Fox & Friends, TLC’s Home Made Simple, FamilyLife Today, and The 700 Club. Arlene also hosts the Happy Home podcast and has authored popular books like "31 Days to a Happy Husband" and "31 Days to Becoming a Happier Wife". Alongside her husband James of over 25 years, Arlene resides in the San Diego area with their three children: Ethan, Noelle, and Lucy. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 06:43 Arlene’s journey from being raised in a loving family to becoming a champion of healthy relationships. 10:55 Cultivating daily intimacy. 14:42 Nurturing connection through fresh perspectives. 21:58 The importance of scheduling regular dates in maintaining a thriving relationship. 26:44 Rediscovering playfulness and adventure, especially for couples who may have lost touch with these aspects of their connection. 30:15 Strategies for couples feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility of planning weekly or bi-monthly dates. 33:13 Cultivating connection through regular getaways. 40:13 The importance of maintaining a positive focus on connection during designated relationship rituals like date nights and getaways. Mentioned National Marriage Week USA Calm, Cool, and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) 31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most from His Wife (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) Atomic Habits (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) ERP 089: How to Use Love Languages to Strengthen Connection ERP 090: How to Use Love Languages to Strengthen Connection – Part Two Relationship Map To Happy, Lasting Love  Connect with Arlene Pellicane Websites: arlenepellicane.com/about Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-happy-home-podcast-with-arlene-pellicane (Apple Podcast link) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 421: How To Keep The Fun & Positivity Alive In Relationship — An Interview With Arlene Pellicane

Loneliness and disconnection in relationships can often stem from unmet needs for emotional connection. When one partner reaches out for support, validation, or understanding, and their bids go unnoticed or ignored, it can lead to feelings of isolation and alienation. This lack of responsiveness can create a sense of being unheard or unseen, deepening the emotional distance between partners. Over time, repeated instances of unmet bids can erode trust and intimacy, leaving individuals feeling unfulfilled and disconnected in their relationship. In this episode, Laura Heck and Dr. Jessica Higgins delve into the importance of turning towards your partner in a relationship to address feelings of loneliness and disconnection. By understanding the bidding system in relationships and learning to respond with empathy and curiosity, individuals can build stronger connections with their partners. This episode emphasizes the significance of acknowledging past traumas, developing new skills, and fostering grace and understanding to overcome emotional barriers and create a more fulfilling and intimate partnership. Laura Heck is a licensed marriage and family therapist, Certified Gottman Therapist, co-host of Marriage Therapy Radio, and host of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work workshop for couples. She speaks and trains for The Gottman Institute and is a regular media expert on the topic of intimate relationships. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 05:30 Laura Heck's journey into relationship support. 11:22 Understanding bids for connection in relationships. 16:27 Importance of positive to negative ratios in relationships. 21:23 Exploring bids and responses in relationship dynamics. 26:03 Understanding shutting down in relationships. 31:37 Responding to criticism and harsh startups. 33:18 Repairing miscommunications and misunderstandings. 42:32 Building compassion and empathy in relationships. 45:16 Addressing trust and misunderstandings in relationships. Mentioned The Gottman Institute The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (*Amazon affiliate link) (book) Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication  Connect with Laura Heck Websites: marriagetherapyradio.com Facebook: facebook.com/marriagetherapyradio Twitter: twitter.com/forbetter_us Instagram: instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio/id1295458667?mt=2 (Apple Podcast) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 420: The Importance Of "Turning Towards" In Relationship — An Interview With Laura Heck

How can we cultivate a culture of emotional safety within our relationships, where vulnerability is embraced and recurring negative patterns are met with empathy and understanding, rather than defensiveness or blame? Traumas, whether subtle or overt, can fuel recurring negative patterns that gradually erode the foundation of a relationship. These unseen wounds, left unattended, can manifest as distress and conflict, undermining the very fabric of our closest bonds. In this episode, we delve into the depths of these dynamics, exploring how awareness, vulnerability, and proactive communication can pave the way for healing and transformation. Join us as we navigate the complexities of attachment styles, emotional safety, and the power of corrective emotional experiences in forging healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Jennine Estes Powell & Jacqueline Wielick, are distinguished Therapists and co-authors of "Help For High-Conflict Couples." Jacqueline Wielick is the owner of her practice, Therapy by Jackie, and is known for the empowering, empathetic, and engaging style she brings to her work. Jennine Estes Powell is a dedicated therapist for her clients, and is the driving force behind Estes Therapy, a thriving group practice in San Diego, the go-to hub for couples counseling. She also trains therapists globally. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 07:52 Jennine and Jacqueline‘s personal journeys into emotionally focused therapy. 13:03 Distinguishing high conflict from regular conflict. 20:13 The subtleties of trauma, challenging stereotypical perceptions of traumatic experiences. 23:18 How differing attachment styles can create communication barriers within relationships. 28:15 The evolution of relationships: Understanding the shift from early romance to bonded attachment. 34:53 Individual and couple strategies for recognizing and addressing attachment insecurities. 40:54 Repairing relationship patterns through vulnerability and repetition. 55:59 Accessible support and resources. Mentioned Help for High-Conflict Couples (website) (speaking events)  Help for High-Conflict Couples: Using Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Science of Attachment to Build Lasting Connection Paperback (book) (affiliate) Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication  Connect with Jennine Estes Powell Websites: helpforhighconflictcouples.com | estestherapy.com | jenninepowell.com Instagram: instagram.com/estes_therapy TikTok: tiktok.com/@jennine_estes Connect with Jacqueline Wielick Websites: helpforhighconflictcouples.com| jackiewielick.com Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 419: How to Identify and Break Negative Cycles (Especially High Conflict Cycles) in Relationship — An Interview with Jennine Estes Powell & Jacqueline Wielick

Emotional immaturity can hinder our ability to form healthy connections and make sound decisions. But is it truly possible to overcome emotional immaturity, even if you've experienced significant developmental setbacks or challenges? Similar to research findings that suggest it's possible to develop more secure functioning or earn a secure attachment style later in life, it's feasible to achieve emotional growth and maturity. In our fifth installment on the topic of emotional immaturity, we uncover practical strategies and insights to foster emotional growth. With a focus on seven key practices, including creating a safe space for growth and honing interpersonal skills, the discussion offers a roadmap for enhancing emotional intelligence. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone exhibiting signs of emotional immaturity, it's crucial to consider revisiting the recommendations outlined in episode 416. Engaging in heartfelt, candid conversations with your partner about the importance of cultivating emotional maturity can pave the way for mutual understanding and growth within the relationship. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 6:48 A recap of the previous episodes on emotional maturity. 9:13 The dynamic nature of emotional maturity highlights its placement on a continuum that allows for growth and development. 14:21 Establishing a safe practice environment. 21:28 Embracing emotional awareness and connection. 26:39 Accepting emotional growth as a continuous process 31:30 Cultivating conscious regulation skills. 36:12 The importance of engaging in honest and uncomfortable conversations 41:44 Taking ownership and accountability within relationships. 45:19 Cultivating interpersonal and relational proficiency. Mentioned Signs of Emotional Immaturity: How to Identify and Support People with Emotional Immaturity Emotions as Honored Guests (article) The Value in Pain and the Pain in Value | Lode Dewulf | TEDxVlerickBusinessSchool ERP 276: Understanding the Need for Both Self-Regulation and Co-regulation in Relationship – An Interview with Deb Dana ERP 261: How to Strengthen Your Relationship from a Polyvagal Perspective – An Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges ERP 140: How Pain and Suffering Increase & What to Do About It ERP 410: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship? ERP 411: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship? Part Two ERP 413: How Does Emotional Immaturity Develop & the Difference between Emotional Immaturity and Emotional Abuse? Part Three ERP 416: What to Consider If You Are in a Relationship with an Emotionally Immature Person — Part Four Relationship Map To Happy, Lasting Love  Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 418: How To Build More Emotional Maturity In Relationship — Part Five

Many individuals and families encounter a common challenge: the struggle to harmonize their values, aspirations, and objectives. This issue is compounded by the inherent differences in perspectives, priorities, and communication styles within these relationships. When aspirations clash and priorities diverge, it often leads to misunderstandings that escalate into tensions and conflicts. Maintaining harmony becomes a daunting task without a clear understanding of each other's goals and values, leaving couples and families adrift in a sea of discord. In this episode, we delve into practical strategies for crafting a shared mission statement—a tool designed to align individuals and unite them in pursuit of common objectives. Through insightful discussions and actionable steps, listeners will discover how to identify core values, engage in constructive dialogue, and cultivate deeper understanding and connection with their partners and loved ones. Join us as we explore the power of intentional communication in fostering stronger, more harmonious relationships. Dr. Heather Browne, PsyD, LMFT, helps people recognize the power of communication, one of the most important skills we possess. However, often, we fail to consider our understanding, approach, and belief, and consequently, miss out on our potential. No two individuals perceive reality in the same way, despite our belief in shared understanding. Harnessing this revolutionary awareness has enabled her to transform communication within oneself and other types of relationships. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 04:45 Dr. Heather Browne’s journey of healing and growth. 08:57 The significance of self-awareness and conscientiousness in personal growth, particularly in identifying areas of consistency and growth. 12:38 The transformative power of a mission statement. 20:28 The importance of understanding and accommodating differences in stress responses and soothing methods within a relationship. 23:57 Tailoring relationship goals to individual values. 29:12 Navigating irreconcilable differences in relationships through effective communication and collaboration. 40:19 Nurturing self-discovery and inner alignment. 51:54 The importance of crafting and regularly revisiting a mission statement for individuals, couples, and families as a tool for fostering connection and guiding communication. Mentioned How to Feel Less Lonely, Create Meaningful Connections and Love | Heather Browne | TEDxMountRubidoux (YouTube link) (video) Speaking with the Heart: Transforming Your Relationship and Communication with Compassion and Connection (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) ERP 355: The Importance of Creating a Shared Reality in Relationship — An Interview with Dr. Heather Browne ERP 372: How to Work Together in Relationship for a Strong, Secure Connection — An Interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin ERP 389: Understanding Our Stress Language as Well as Our Partner’s Stress Language for Better Living & Loving — An Interview with Chantal Donnelly  Connect with Dr. Heather Browne Websites: drheatherbrowne.com Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086978599835&mibextid;=LQQJ4d YouTube: youtube.com/@dr.heatherbrowne Instagram: instagram.com/dr.heatherbrowne LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drheatherbrowne TikTok: tiktok.com/@heathermbrowne Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 233: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy - Part One

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